Anyone else guilty?

snarky_girl · June 2010

OK .. so I've got to ask. Does anyone else feel like they are pissing off the etiquette police on this site?

I made the mistake of posting that three of my big centerpieces are live goldfish (if you hate this fine. I get it.) and bettas to reflect our fish theme (we met on PlentyofFish.com). The fish are feeder fish from Wallys and the bettas are going home with me. My dad's taking the feeders for his aquarium. No real harm right? That's what I thought at least. Wrong. Live animals are a no-no but I thought fish were different from kittens and ducks, for cripes sake. They essentially called me an animal abuser - which is so far from the truth its laughable.

I also said we didn't have a registry. We've been on our own for many years and have everything a registry would supply. In these recession times, I said it seemed wasteful to go out and buy stuff we already had. So guests can either give us nothing and just come enjoy the wedding and reception (seriously - we're fine with that!); give us cash or gift cards; or donate in our name to a charity close to our heart (the local Animal shelter where I got my beast of a dog.) Because I didn't have a registry I got told I was being selfish and money-grabby.

So anyone else guilty of offending the EP?? Or am I just a loser and need to suck it up?

kizat · June 2010

Where do I even begin?

*twitch*

First off... I think the fish idea is adorable especially considering your theme... I just hope none of them go belly up during the reception... Although, it could make for a funny story down the road.

Secondly... how is that even animal abuse and people who use their dog's in their wedding NOT animal abuse? Either way, I don't really SEE either situation being animal abuse.

Okay... now that I'm done numbering my points... I'll go on to say that some of these girls on these boards are stuck up and pretentious. They think that weddings have to be one way, cost 50K and not necessarily reflect the couple but reflect what society thinks a wedding should be. WRONG!! This is your day, do whatever the hell you want, and the rest of these uppity snots can eat rocks.

This is a huge reason why I only post on this board and the DIY board... I've posted on a few of the other boards, and seriously... just not worth it.

I don't know... Maybe I'm just super laid back and see weddings/unions as a celebration instead of as an event. And with all celebrations, it should reflect the person/people who are being celebrated... It shouldn't be cookie cutter and boring.

Also, I'd rather see a couple be up front about not wanting gifts instead of accidentally buying them a toaster when they already have one.

I got your back, snarky... Throw caution to the wind and have a blast being who you are on your big day

snarky_girl · June 2010

ah kizat -- I think I heart you now!!

Thank you, thank you. Finally someone else who understands what a wedding is supposed to be! A unique fun celebration of the couple getting married -- not a chance to blow my dad's retirement account!! I think I must feel this way because I'm "old". At 36, I don't see the point of spending $25,000 on a wedding. That's a car. That's a down payment on a house. Hell that is one helluva a vacation or weekend in Vegas.

I know I don't fit in here -- well except HERE of course -- because I'm not trying to be a "pretty, pretty princess" and I sure as heck don't call our wedding "My day" and my FI better not screw it up.

Just consider your back protected as well. At least now I know where to go for sanity on this site!

neal21 · June 2010

Yeah, I'm probably guilty too...

I think that's awesome that you guys are having a fish theme since you met on Plenty of Fish. I'm planning on having fish in my centerpieces as well. Either goldfish or bettas, bettas fit the color scheme better, but goldfish are cheaper and can live together after the fact. It fits us since we're both "fish people" - both of us have jobs that study fish. Also, fish are totally different from kittens or ducks. They're way smaller, contained, and they just happily swim around.

We have registered, but we've downplayed our registries for "things" and up-played our honeymoon registry. We've lived together for awhile so we have lots of housewares already. My family is somewhat old-fashioned in some regards, though, and want to give us physical things so we felt we had to register for a few things so as not to get wacky things that we can't return.

We are also on the DIY/not-blow-a-ridiculous-amount-of-money plan. We don't care whose money it is, we just can't justify spending a huge amount of money on a single day.

nannabug42 · June 2010

Does anyone else ever read posts people write and cringe because you know the person is going to get flamed??

It's ridiculous how harsh some of the girls on here are. If you don't like something, fine, say so. The personal attacks are what get me; you can disagree with something someone is doing and not make them out to be commiting genocide.

And for the record, I like your fish idea. I think it's such a fabulous way of incorporating how you met! If you were flushing them down the toilet afterwards, not so much...but there's nothing wrong with the way you're doing it.

snarky_girl · June 2010

I'm glad I'm not the only one on here who feels like this! Thanks guys - you made my week. I took down the registry page on our webpage on here because I didn't want to seem like a money grubbing snot. But after this, I might just put it back up.

I have to admit I've read things on here and went ... uh no. Not a smart idea. But I've never just went off on someone. I swear that some of these women stalk this site so they can just be "mean girls." It's sad because I've gotten a lot of good advice from this site. I told another friend who is also getting married about the site - then warned her away from posting on a few areas unless she is prepared to feel like an idiot and be abused verbally (OK by posters but still feels like it!). I showed her a few of the things said to me and other girls and she just said it wasn't worth it. So she lurks instead .... LOL

tiffgriffin7 · June 2010

Totally happened to me several times planning my wedding (and now I am married!) So many people seem to think they can be rude and mean because they are online. Many of them would probably never say what they type and they can really hurt feelings. In the end you have to do what works best for you and what you want.

I think most Oregonians or people in the NW are a little more laid-back about weddings than other parts of the country. We don't tend to freak out if we attend a wedding without an open bar or 5 course meal and all night entertainment...I think in this area we tend to celebrate the people and the union as a pp stated.

Do what you want sweetie and you will have no regrets!!

sarahmarietm · June 2010

Totally agree with kizat 110% !!

When I first stumbled upon the message boards, I really got a kick out of them. Then, after some time, I noticed how unbelievably rude some people could be! While yes, I think some people are completely idiotic and will get burned for asking weirdo questions, but a lot of the time it reminds me of being in high school. The people who feel the need to introduce themselves to a board (like SB) and they just get made fun of for it. Then whenever anyone calls people out for being mean, it's always "well, grow a tougher skin, maybe you shouldn't have been so stupid, ect" That's why I'm glad this board got revived. Pretty sure us pacific NWer's are waaaay more laid back. And for this, I am proud!

I think the fish are adorable! Who cares if some chick from Florida doesn't like that, or is ridiculous enough to call it abuse. It's not like she's going to be there to see it! My dog is going to be walked down the aisle with my flower girl niece. Quick, someone call animal services! He's too adorable!

I got reamed on the attire board for asking about bras. I wanted some suggestions because my seamstress said she couldn't sew cups in because I am a C. All the responses that I got were "well, if she were good, she'd be able to do anything" or "just go somewhere else." See, I don't HAVE the option to go somewhere else. Another time, on the food board, someone mentioned they were doing a sandwich bar, which is what I'm doing! All the posts were saying how as a guest, they wouldn't want to have to MAKE a sandwich in their nice clothes. REALLY?? Are you that messy? But FI and I are really laid back, and it's going to be late August in the afternoon. I'm not doing some silly plated sit down meal.

Even if I had the money to spend on an extravagant wedding, I wouldn't. Snarky, totally with you girl, I'd rather use that money for a new car, than spend it on something frivolous that I won't even remember in a year. To me, a wedding is about the expression of love, and wanting to share that wonderful experience with your closest family and friends. So while there won't be bedazzled napkins at my reception, as least there will be the people I love, and who love me right back.

nannabug42 · June 2010

In Response to Re: Anyone else guilty?:
[QUOTE Pretty sure us pacific NWer's are waaaay more laid back.
Posted by sarahmarietm[/QUOTE]

I completely agree. I've honestly never HEARD of some of the things people talk about on here. I've never known anyone to spend tens of thousands on a wedding, or really go into debt for one.

Every wedding I've been too has been fun and laid back, with great food. Some were certainly more formal than others, but it's always been a celebration about the couple.

kizat · June 2010

OFF TOPIC!

SARAH I'M HAVING A SANDWICH BAR TOOOOOO!!!

*spazz* yep... it's 215am. I should be in bed. bWAHAHAHA.

sorry.

sarahmarietm · June 2010

WIN!!

MissStacy · June 2010

I dont know but I love your idea, I met my boyfriend on POF also

snarky_girl · June 2010

Neal21 -- I'm so glad someone else is using the fish theme!!

Sarah -- reamed over a bra? seriously??? What losers. They just don't understand that unlike back east or Los Angeles, we CANNOT just go someplace else. Heck down here, there are like five shops that sell dresses besides David's Bridal. There just aren't a lot of choices unless you want to fly or drive for 5 hours or more! And I love the sandwich bar idea! If we weren't doing burgers and hot dogs, I'd totally have done something like that.

Nannabug -- I agree with you completely. I don't understand some of this craziness associated with weddings. I told people what we are doing and they are excited and think it is going to be fun! A five course sit down meal in the heat of summer here is just plain nuts.

Miss Stacy -- Yeah! I'm glad things worked out for you as well. Thanks for chiming in!!

colsta · June 2010

I'm with you girls too. That's why I was sad when this board was dead! I feel like our idea of a wedding is a little different. I'm not haivng a registry because I simply don't want any gifts. And if someone feels like they have to get me something, I would really it rather be from the heart. I would much rather get a heartfelt card than a toaster that I picked out. Call me old-fashioned, I guess. My FI and I both have great-paying jobs and could throw a huge expensive wedding if we wanted to - we just don't. It seems silly. And I don't want my college-aged cousins buying me something. They should save their money.

Someone else got flamed for taking their dogs off leash when they mentioned having them in the ceremony. We have four dogs (2 labs, a beagle and a blue heeler) and take them off leash on hikes all the time (where they are allowed - like the backside of Pisgah). I am not an irresponsible dog owner for this. I just make sure my (big) dogs get more exercise than if they were always on a leash. They need to run and sprint - not just walk at a leisurely pace.

I'm also having a backyard BBQ type reception. I'm going to make a whole bunch of my favorite salads for a buffet and have my brother and some uncles man the grill. We'll have some music but it won't be an all-out dance party (we're both 32 and neither of us can even dance).

I have to admit though, the drama on some of the boards is a little fun and addicting.

Readingdiva123 · June 2010

Wow! This entire post and the replies has made me feel better about my own wedding. Thanks Guys! I wanted to do a bbq type reception or even a mexican food reception but wasnt sure if that was something i Should do for a wedding. But seeing how laid back you meals are makes me feel better. I always thought that you had to do some big extravigant meal for the reception but to see that you guys aren't makes me feel better and makes me want to do the bbq thing even more. I'm getting married in the summer and thought that the bbq would be perfect.
I also agree with you guys on things being more laid back here in the Northwest. thats what i love about it. I mean even in most of the "nice" resturants its okay to wear jeans and a nice t-shirt. Rather than getting all dolled up if you don't want to.
By the way I also love the fish idea that's really cute and very original and the fact that it has a sentimental value is even better. (I'm a really big sintimental person), Anyway I think us Portland/Northwest brides Rock!!!!!

snarky_girl · June 2010

Readingdiva -- In this day and age, extravagant doesn't go over well with me. While I'm jealous of those who have a large budget for a wedding, there is no way I'd spend even half of what some of the East Coast knotties on this site are doing. I know things are expensive but still. We're in a recession and I have too many friends without jobs right now. No way am I feeding 120 guests at a cost of $30 a plate.

So my advice - do what YOU want be it BBQ or mexican. Your guests will enjoy it. I've told several of mine that its a "burgers and dogs" event and they are actually thrilled. (Who knew?) I thought they would feel I was being cheap but most are excited about going to a wedding that is laid back, not a sit down 5-course meal affair. I guess I lucked out like that!

Thanks for loving my fish idea! It seems its OK to do out west.

And to those who give Oregon crap, I say how can you NOT love a state where the former governor turned the annual ball into a BBQ hoedown and wears jeans to fancypants events?? Oregon is my kinda state!

Poppy715 · July 2010

Ohhh I totally agree. Last time I actually ask for advice, haha! I have been given so much and always hear when I got married.... blah blah and then I really do have an important question and people started attacking me saying I was not considering the feelings of someone else, which really was not the case. I wanted that person to feel special and cared for, but all the women on here thought that they knew best! I really don't think I'll ever post a question on a major board again!

I'm SOOOO glad I'm not the only one feeling this!

Anyone else guilty?

Re: Anyone else guilty?

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