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+1 issue: ex girlfriends & random dates for some?

slanad1978slanad1978
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We are paying for our whole wedding ourselves so the budget is limited.  We've told all of our friends, bridesmaids & all, that they can't bring dates unless they are in a committed love relationship (not married, but committed).  We've gotten lots of push back, but have explained that we can't afford it.  There's been some grumbling.  Now, my fiance is allowing 1 friend to bring his EX-girlfriend who he just broke up with 2 weeks ago.  (drama anyone?)  And, he is letting a friend bring a random date because her ex-boyfriend is going to be at our wedding with his actual girlfriend of 8 months.  They've been broken up for almost 2 years!  She's going to know 20 people at our wedding, why should she get to bring a date?  We can sit her with her best friends.  I don't get it. We don't even have a name of this mystery date.  My fiance won't let it go.  What is the right thing to do?
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Re: +1 issue: ex girlfriends & random dates for some?

  • squirrlysquirrly member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    All or nothing.  If you give dates to those two, you need to do the same for your other single friends. 
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    Married: 2010
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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
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  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Ditto Squirrly.

    You think you are getting a lot of flack now, wait until your guests show up at the wedding and realize that the "committed relationship" rule didn't apply to everyone.
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  • PharmacyBridePharmacyBride
    500 Comments
    Yea.. your other friends will be jealous and it won't lead to a fun night.  All or nothing.
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  • leah2bleah2b member
    500 Comments
    I think that allowing every single person to bring a date - whether comitted or not - is the gracious thing to do.  We paid for our entire wedding ourselves, but this is the one rule we had - everyone gets invited with a date.  I've heard enough people grumble and complain about it to realize that many people find it rude not to be invited with a date.  Yes, the etiquette rules say you don't have to, but it is a nice thing to do.  Some people feel unconfortable going to a wedding alone, even if they know people.  I think you are just going to have to live with the fact that people are going to complain.
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  • slanad1978slanad1978
    First Comment
    My fiance says that no one will know that the girl's date isn't a random person because everyone won't know each other.    
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  • BeeBee22BeeBee22 member
    100 Comments
    edited September 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1-issue-ex-girlfriends-random-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8622cec6-2f01-4931-826b-cb6567f80e10Post:a0fbe2ab-0cca-4673-be8a-ee5d72827cef">Re: +1 issue: ex girlfriends & random dates for some?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance says that no one will know that the girl's date isn't a random person because everyone won't know each other.    
    Posted by slanad1978[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>The 20 people she knows will know...  Plus, someone will ask, "So how long have you two been together".  Word will get around fast to the grumblers that she has a random date.  PPs are right.  It's everyone or no one. </div><div>
    </div><div>BTW, inviting someone and their ex?  I don't get that at all.

    </div>
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  • squirrlysquirrly member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    They'll find out.  Somebody will talk to them.  They'll ask how long they've been dating, etc.  Especially people who are bitter about not being able to bring a guest. 

    Things like this always come back to bite people in the tush.  If you don't want to offer +1s to your truly single guests, that's technically acceptable and up to you, but you need to be consistent.
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
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  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm going to have to agree with PPs - all or nothing.
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  • polichikpolichik member
    2500 Comments
    Did you and your FI really reach this decision "together?" Because he's not acting like it. The two of you need to get on the same page, and fast.
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  • polichikpolichik member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1-issue-ex-girlfriends-random-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8622cec6-2f01-4931-826b-cb6567f80e10Post:533510cc-e449-4036-a1fc-a9b6ee162292">Re: +1 issue: ex girlfriends & random dates for some?</a>:
    [QUOTE]none of the guests will sit there and say omg i couldnt bring a date but you could.<strong> its your day</strong>, and if people cant understand that you dont have all the money in the world to pay for everyone +1 to eat drink and have a good time then they are not true friends and shouldnt be invited anyway! just remember... <strong>its about you and your fiance</strong>.. not everyone else and a guest! they will get over it and should feel special that they are invited to share this special moment with yall. OH and about the random guest..... if your fiance already told her it was ok you cant un-tell her. just let it slide... it is his wedding too, and he doesnt want anyone to feel uncomefortable there! it gets hard when friends dated friends and brake up and its weird to be around them at the same time and stuff, but <strong>its not about them... its about you 2!!</strong> good luck love and hope it all works out!
    Posted by jericamegan06[/QUOTE]

    Are you lost?
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