How to choose BMs?

JessicaN1012 · February 2010

I dont have those wonderful friends that so many other girls have. I did have a really close friend that was a cousin but when she started dating a guy with money, she became a totally different person. I dont know if I should ask her to be a BM anyways, even though we arent close anymore? I also had a best friend for over 8 years and we lost touch for about 5 years. We recently starting talking and hanging out again (about 2 months ago). I thought about asking her but then I think it may be too soon for our "new" friendship.
This BM trouble is the only thing I stress about! I have everything else in line right now. The wedding is in Novemer so I have a while but Im worried that Ill never be confident in my decision for BMs!!!!
Help please!!!!!!

mbcdefg · February 2010

Ask people who are close to you NOW. Not people who used to be close to in the hopes that it'll bring you closer together, because 99% of the time it will not.

Ask people to be bridesmaids if you can honestly say to yourself, "I cannot picture getting married without [name] by my side." Ask the people that you know you would call at 3 a.m. with an emergency.

Don't ask people because you think they will throw you a nice shower or bachelorette. Don't ask people because you think they will help you plan the wedding. Don't ask people just to have an equal number of attendants to your fiance. Don't ask people that you have to talk yourself into wanting in the wedding.

And if you don't want any bridesmaids, then that's perfectly O.K.! Even if your FI decides he wants to have some groomsmen. Plenty of couples, or just one partner, have no attendants and it's absolutely fine. Or, if you have brothers or guy friends that you want to ask, have them be your attendants! That's also fine and very common.

stina93446 · February 2010

You don't have to have bms if you're not close to anyone.

emilyinchile · February 2010

Everything mbc said, I agree with.

trix1223 · February 2010

You've gotten good advice above. Don't feel pressured by the wedding industry and/or conventional norms to believe that unless you have a big freakin' WP, you're somehow a loser, or your wedding will be lacking something.

It won't. If you don't have someone to ask, don't. And don't feel guilty or welf-conscious about that. You don't have to live up to some magazine publisher's idea of what the perfect wedding is, after all.

FWIW: My sister and BIL didn't have any attendants when they were married. It was just the two of them standing together in the front of the church. And it was beautiful, touching and romantic. If I weren't already married, I would have followed her lead and done exactly the same thing.

Our mom and his dad signed the license, and that's all they needed.

GL

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Knee-jerk reaction: Who do you want standing next to you when you say your vows? If the answer is "no one," then so be it.

How to choose BMs?

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