FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus

aricherry · August 2010

What do I do if I am not sure if someone is divorced? A few guests I think are divorced or seperated, but I am not sure, and they are older so I do not want to ask them because its none of my business really. I am just not sure how to address the invite because I do not want to offend anyone by assuming.

squirrly · August 2010

Adult children - I assume you mean the variety that live on their own and take care of themselves. The BEST thing to do would be to invite all if you want to invite some. HOWEVER, if you're really not close to some at all and you don't think they OR their parents will be upset if they are excluded, it is technically permissible. Of course, they MIGHT get upset, or their parents might. You need to be prepared for that possibility. If you aren't even close enough for THAT to matter, then no worries.

dmc678 · September 2010

If we invite a couple that live together, but are not married and one of the couple cannot attend, they other person does not have the option to bring 'someone else' correct? I have a few people that might think that if their significant other (who it was addressed to) can't go...they can just find another 'date'. Any thoughts on that?

squirrly · September 2010

That's really up to you. Technically, if you invited their SO by name and the SO can't attend, they shouldn't arrive with an alternate. However, you had room, both by space and by budget, for the SO, so why not extend that to the alternate date?

[Deleted User] · September 2010

What is the etiquette regarding sending invitations to members of the WP -- do you? My FI was recently in a wedding but did not receive a formal invitation to the wedding. He feels that he should have received one and would like to send them to our WP ... but I was just wondering what the official line about this was ?

I-am-me · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:d4e8ce86-dbc5-454c-b63a-5d362657bcf9">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus : they arent nessesary but do add an element of formality to the feel of the dress, and they do allow you to be more specific as to who is invited. for example, if you are inviting children, the outer envelope would have the parent's names and the inner would have the adults and the childrens names listed. my invitation kit didnt include inner envelopes, so i am putting a belly band around the envelope with a little tag for the names that would normally go on the inner envelope, it helps dress up the invite. and because it is attatched, it wont be ripped off and tossed out like the other envelopes.
Posted by HisCB[/QUOTE]

What's a belly band? I too am only using outer envelopes.

*tinkertoy* · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:28c295c6-3981-4353-82e1-dbb3471975d7">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]What about printing labels on the outer envelopes? I do not have the best handwriting and I think it would be faster since I have all the addresses saved on here anyway?
Posted by JennRyan0810[/QUOTE]

I just read this GREAT tip from another board.

Run your envelopes through the printer on a very faint color (gray?) then take a calligraphy pen and trace over the printed names/addresses.

You get the look of beautiful calligraphy without having to free hand or pay someone to do it for you!

khornack · September 2010

Please make an effort to find out the names of significant others. It isn't always possible, but "and guest" refers to you can bring whoever you want, but if someone is being invited with their significant other, it is much nicer to write out their name. And really easy to do with the facespace and whatnot.

kuchinx: at the bottom of the invite, just put "cocktail reception to follow" that way people don't expect a full meal. As for children, as previously said, you cannot stipulate on the invitation itself "no children". Have an inner envelope and only address that to the adults. If someone RSVP's with their kids, call them up and gently say something like PP stated: Sorry for the confusion, we aren't able to accommodate children. I hope you will still be able to join us.

squirrly · September 2010

Belly Bands go around invitations, usually pocketfolds. Photos in my planning bio.

If a guest is invited to the wedding, they get an invitation, no matter how well they know the details or whether you already know if they're coming or not. So, yes, WP and parents get them. They may want them as a keepsake, too.

kathrynhabibti · September 2010

[QUOTE]How do you find everyone's addresses? Many are not on whitepages.com, etc. Is it rude to email and ask for addresses? I have provided it for some weddings, and don't mind at all. But I am not sure if it is a faux paus. Thank you!
Posted by sndorsey[/QUOTE]
Not at all rude! Just be absolutely sure that they are going to be on the guest list.

staceymhanson · September 2010

My FI parents have been divorced for 18 yrs my FIL had been married to his 2nd wife for about 15 of them do we put the SMIL on the invitation? i have asked a bunch of people but they don't seem to know. I appreciate the help ladies!

narro5 · October 2010

when is it a good time to send save the dates?

when do you send invitations?

NidDAlouette · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:5a18d207-c03e-4606-82ee-bcb2cd0ed199">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI parents have been divorced for 18 yrs my FIL had been married to his 2nd wife for about 15 of them do we put the SMIL on the invitation? i have asked a bunch of people but they don't seem to know. I appreciate the help ladies!
Posted by staceymhanson[/QUOTE]

It's generally not a faux pas to put SMIL on the invitation, though it could depend a bit on how amicable the whole situation is with FIL, MIL, and SMIL. I would say if your fiancé has a good relationship with his father (and especially if he's friendly with his stepmother) then it would probably be hurtful to leave her out.

The invitation would read something like this:

[Your dad] and [Your mom] [Their last name]
Request the honor of your presence
At the marriage of their daughter

You
to
Fiancé

Son of [Fiancé's mom] [Her last name] and
[Fiancé's dad] and [SMIL] [Their last name]

I would say have your fiancé talk to his mom, dad, and stepmother, and see what everyone is comfortable with. I had pretty much the exact same situation, and my family told me that my wedding invitation was not the place to be petty and exclusionary. I have a great relationship with my stepfather and couldn't imagine leaving him off of the invite, and I'm glad that all other parties involved supported that decision. That being said, your fiancé and his family really need to talk and come to an arrangement that (hopefully) everyone can agree on.

squirrly · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:5a18d207-c03e-4606-82ee-bcb2cd0ed199">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI parents have been divorced for 18 yrs my FIL had been married to his 2nd wife for about 15 of them do we put the SMIL on the invitation? i have asked a bunch of people but they don't seem to know. I appreciate the help ladies!
Posted by staceymhanson[/QUOTE]

If a step-parent raised you/your FI, then they can go on the invite. If not, they really shouldn't UNLESS they are HOSTING the wedding. In cases of divorced parents, the mother is listed first, and they are listed on separate lines without the word 'and'.    If both sets of parents were divorced, all had remarried, and all were hosting, it would read like this:

Mr. and Mrs. James Jones     <--MOB & SFOB
Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Smith     <--FOB & SMOB
Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Jackson     <--MOG & SMOG
Mr. and Mrs. David Webb     <--FOG & SMOG
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their children
Lisa Marie Smith
and
Jeffrey Douglas Webb

Although - with that many names, I'd really advise using "Together with their parents" and naming names in the program. It's just SO wordy and busy and confusing.

squirrly · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:461b5cc0-4cbe-45ab-a2a3-74e7d2fa8113">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]when is it a good time to send save the dates? when do you send invitations?
Posted by narro5[/QUOTE]

STDs should be mailed 6 - 10 months before the wedding. A year is acceptable ONLY if it's a huge holiday weekend.

Invitations should be mailed 6 - 10 WEEKS before the wedding, with an RSVP date no more than 4 weeks before the wedding.

AEGB2011 · October 2010

Regarding this post:

my venue has a 220 person max, but there's about 40 more people we'd like to invite if enough people rsvp that they can't make it. This seemed simple enough at first to us but now we've got these two lists, the A list and the B list. How should we do our invitations RSVP by dates? Also, I think my bridal shower is going to be the month before the wedding.. do I end up not inviting the B list people to the bridal shower? It's a shame cause the A list has ALOT of my FI family that MIL insisted on inviting even though they probably won't come and B list has alot of MIL friends who would def want to come and would also want to come to the bridal shower. What do I do?!

I didn't see any replies, but I have a similar question, and I'm really interested in any advice people might have...

michellegrygo · October 2010

Hi. I sent our wedding invitations out earlier this week. I just found out today that the guests received the invitations with a big RED stamp on it stating "5-cents postage is due". I had no idea it required more postage, I am truly embarrassed!

What should I do??

Thanks,
Michelle

Lisa50 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:33237cad-8f98-441f-89ef-018162781be4">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]How do you find everyone's addresses? Many are not on whitepages.com, etc. Is it rude to email and ask for addresses? I have provided it for some weddings, and don't mind at all. But I am not sure if it is a faux paus. Thank you!
Posted by sndorsey[/QUOTE]

My FI and I made phone calls and asked for mailing addresses.

antoniabalazs · December 2010

This is great for your wedding site - the place where you put hotel, directions to the wedding your cute photies, whatever. You can put the registry on here.

banana468 · April 2011

Either write and guest on the outer or include an enclosure card that she can bring a guest.

Hellokatie0517 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:9e104747-1839-4179-9a32-0ac4c692f639">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]Proper ways to address invitaions: Married Couple, same last name outter envelope: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith inner envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Smith Married Couple, different last name outter envelope: Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith inner envelope: Ms. Doe and Mr. Smith Unmarried Couple at the same address outter envelope: Ms. Jane Doe Mr. John Smith inner envelope: Ms. Doe Mr. Smith adding children to an invitation outter envelope: Jane, Suzanne, and Todd inner envelope: Jane, Suzanne, and Todd Other possible title combinations: Dr. and Mrs. David Jones Captain and Mrs. David Jones The Doctors Jones Captain Mary Jones and Mr. David Jones (could also be Mr. and Mrs., depending on the woman's preferred social title) Mr. John Doe and Mr. David Jones (married gay couple - having a ceremony is good enough to qualify as married - you don't need to see a legal certificate) Ms. Jane Doe and Ms. Sally Smith (married lesbian couple) Reverand and Mrs. David Jones Reverand Maria Jones and Mr. David Jones Ms. Mary Jones and the Honorable David Jones (Judge)
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Ok, here is my predicament. FI has several friends who have SOs that we are also friendly with. However, said friends do not live with their SO. However ,if they were to breakup, we probably wouldn't invite the SO. So how do we address the envelope? Do we send them each their own invitation? What about STD? I plan to only send the STD to FI's friend and not include the SO at all, so we're not "locked into" invitation them (for lack of a better term). What's the proper thing to do?

Selena5225 · April 2011

I see that you are not supposed to mention registry with your invitation. What is the correct way to let your guests know where you are registered at? The majority of the invitiations I have received have had a small slip of paper in the invitation stating where they are registered. My invites need to go out asap, and I want to do things correctly!

JMot7 · April 2011

So I also have a couple questions too!

1) The MOH and the best man are both single. I know that it is proper to invite established couples and SOs etc. But should we give them a + guest invitation? We aren't planning on inviting more people than is necessary.

2) I'm having a dilemma. We were invited to a friend's wedding a year ago but have since lost touch with them. Are we obligated to invite them to our wedding as well?

Thank you for the help!

banana468 · April 2011

You NEVER indicate registry information in the invitation. That's spread by word of mouth and maybe on your wedding website.

I'd invite the MOH and BM with a guest as a courtesy. Generally that is extended to the wedding party as well.

You don't need to invite people to your wedding just because you were invited to their wedding.

lcs79 · April 2011

Good link for addressing:

http://www.emilypost.com/communication-and-technology/notes-and-letters/96-guide-to-addressing-correspondence

BlaireAnne · April 2011

Well I have a question regarding how to inform guests if they do not RSVP I cannot assume they wil attend the wedding and/or recepton. Also, I'm wondering if its alright, or crazy bridezilla to place as a side note in the invitations that it is customary for the bride to wear white only... Is there a polite way to word both or is that just flat out rude???

sica2403 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:6f322720-8b61-4879-bcac-a9171df9f0f6">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]You NEVER indicate registry information in the invitation. That's spread by word of mouth and maybe on your wedding website. I'd invite the MOH and BM with a guest as a courtesy. Generally that is extended to the wedding party as well. You don't need to invite people to your wedding just because you were invited to their wedding.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

As for the registry info on the invitation, I agree. However, I disagree about putting the info with the invitation. I put an insert with my invitations, both for directions, a person to contact if they got lost, my website and my registry info. I did this for two reasons: my family is not close knit and they just don't see each other and rarely talk to each other and at least half of the people we are inviting do not own a computer or have easy access to one. Technically I have a third reason: my sister got married a year and half ago, her MIL threw a bridal shower for her and her husband. Her MIL did not include registry information and both my sister and her MIL got bombarded with calls and emails about it. I do not have the time to be bombarded with emails and calls.

So far, my invitations or inserts have not been critizied for their content. Now maybe they are just being polite but I know that some on my side of the family just won't care either way. So I will let you know what happens.

sica2403 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:285f8f5a-83ad-44db-a651-f573347c1d2b">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]Regarding this post: my venue has a 220 person max, but there's about 40 more people we'd like to invite if enough people rsvp that they can't make it. This seemed simple enough at first to us but now we've got these two lists, the A list and the B list. How should we do our invitations RSVP by dates? Also, I think my bridal shower is going to be the month before the wedding.. do I end up not inviting the B list people to the bridal shower? It's a shame cause the A list has ALOT of my FI family that MIL insisted on inviting even though they probably won't come and B list has alot of MIL friends who would def want to come and would also want to come to the bridal shower. What do I do?!

I didn't see any replies, but I have a similar question, and I'm really interested in any advice people might have...
Posted by AEGB2011[/QUOTE]

My first thought is to remove the "+Guest" for those who are not in serious relationships, especially if they will know other people at your wedding, they will not be board.

My second thought offer a baby sitter service, off site but close by, so that you will have less people in the venue and potentially more room for the adults you really want to be there.

My third idea is to be blunt. If some of the people on the A list have stated that they are not coming or can't make it to the wedding, then be direct and ask them straight out if they are coming, via email, phone or in person. If they say no, then let them know that they won't be expected unless they contact you first. That way you cover you bases. Feel free to send them an invite to the shower and an announcement for the wedding, like you would the invitation and that should be enough. This way you can avoid the multiple RSVP dates. However, if there is still not enough room for those that you would prefer to invite, then make the RSVP date a week or 2 prior to the caterior/reception deadline and send out your additional invitations as you get negative responses. If that is cutting it close as well, then start calling those you sent invitations too and find out if they are still coming. You may need to recruit help to get people to get the word out that you need responses ASAP.

And the Last Resort: Have a Seperate event like an afternoon tea or eveing cocktails at your's, your mother's or MIL's house, either before or after wedding, as that is up to you, so that you can share time with them, even if you couldn't see them at the wedding. This may also work better with those on your A list who couldn't make it and would like the oportunity to spend some time with you and your fiance/spouse.

SilverLining1 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:083432f7-bcbc-4123-b821-ac35c8513007">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE] Well I have a question regarding how to inform guests if they do not RSVP I cannot assume they wil attend the wedding and/or recepton. Also, I'm wondering if its alright, or crazy bridezilla to place as a side note in the invitations that it is customary for the bride to wear white only... Is there a polite way to word both or is that just flat out rude???
Posted by BlaireAnne[/QUOTE]

<div>1) You call the guests who do not RSVP and ask them if they will be attending.</div><div>2) Yes, it is rude to tell your guests what they can or cannot wear unless you need to inform them of a venue's dress code or if the wedding is truly black tie only.</div>

Cmuffin51 · April 2011

@HGAF- Thats what we are doing and so far people LOVE it. They are responding so favorably. Some people want their weddings to be super fancy and traditional. If your wedding is not super fancy and you want to not waste so much paper and money, use the website. I did, and goodness I am glad about it!

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