Cash Only For Baby, Please?

strlzfan11 · January 2013

I figure that people are going to question the reason behind the private courthouse quickie wedding, so I'd just come right out and tell the truth. Sending a postcard with the new and corrected information isn't wrong, though.

JoanE2012 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6de6489e-cc91-4e41-8009-b4d100546e8e">Re:Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Cash Only For Baby, Please?: Link please? That title sounds familiar, but I can't easily to a search on my phone. I CAN, but it's a pita.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-moh-from-hell">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-moh-from-hell</a>

<a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_self-appointed-moh-burns-out-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:23c572ec-da5f-42e4-9be5-3d5285b76285Post:35de34a1-4f5e-4684-9d77-4e3ced575700">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_self-appointed-moh-burns-out-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:23c572ec-da5f-42e4-9be5-3d5285b76285Post:35de34a1-4f5e-4684-9d77-4e3ced575700</a>

I'm sure there's more. I didn't reread it all.....it just jogged my memory about this OP.

Gustafson28 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:c42d29ac-7d16-4ef0-94ca-fcc4b402e402">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is the best honest advice I can give you, because I have to go make the corsages for my real Catholic wedding, which will feature my adorable daughter who was born to unmarried parents. That baby is going to be the best thing that's ever happened to you. You made a child with someone you love, and the immediate and overwhelming love you have for that child is going to carry you through sleepless nights, gross stretch marks, being vomited on, crayon on the walls, and tantrums at the supermarket. Being born into a marriage or out of one doesn't change a damn thing about that. Having the support of your parents doesn't change that. You are about to start a family. Don't start it on a lie. Do you want to explain to your child one day that you were ashamed of him or her?
Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]

MoxieMickie · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6e3a829c-c38f-41ec-91ab-9d9b03b8e7dd">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE] I have never once said I'm not married at all, I said I'm not married according to my religion.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

The Catholic Church considers you married enough that you would need a lack of form annulment. It would be easier and faster than the standard annulment you would have needed if you had married in the Church. But, if you got divorced and showed up wanting a Catholic marriage to someone else, you would have to go through a separate process because of your JOP wedding.

I also think you haven't considered the impact of your decisions on your relationships, but you seem to be looking mostly for validation for a bad idea.

In all sincerity, good luck with your baby. This likely isn't how you envisioned starting a family, but I hope despite the current situation you are able to enjoy your pregnancy and motherhood.

Gustafson28 · January 2013

Bah that was supposed to say "well said" under that! Also this post made my night lol

lyndausvi · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6329d722-073b-4752-8c01-242c87424b37">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, I get what everyone is saying about not lying. I see your point. What would you suggest I do in this situation then, assuming I call every guest in the morning and explain the situation?<strong> They will all stop talking to us, as pregnancy before marriage is basically the highest offense to them. </strong>I don't know why, it just is. They are more accepting of wonky math involved in lying about the timeline than a child out of wedlock. We have family members and family friends whose timelines don't exactly add up, and everyone side-eye's it a bit, but gives them the benefit of the doubt. I figured it would be no different for us.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh please. I'm Catholic. My former-NUN-aunt got knocked up out of wedlock (baby daddy unknown). My grandmother went to church a few times a week and said her prayers and rosaries twice a day. My other aunt got knocked up out-of-wedlock also. She got married around 3 months along. Were they upset at the time? Yes. But life went on. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div> LYING would have been the bigger offense than getting knocked up out-of-wedlock.</div><div>
</div><div>Oh yeah, my brother and his wife got knocked up out of wedlock also. They got married in the church when my niece was 6 months old. Again, not ideal, but we are still one big happy family.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

sierraberry32 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:298f61bb-6e95-4fc1-acc4-876856975d4c">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please? : If you can't mention gifts, why would anyone register?
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

<div>It's a weird etiquette thing... It seems greedy if people mention their wedding registry. Usually if people want to buy you a gift they will ask you themselves or they will search for your online registries. FYI don't ask any of the knotties on here about a Dollar Dance... You will get the same response, that "it is rude to ask for money.."</div>

RusticBride13 · January 2013

A lot of people have already posted on this but this is my story & opinion:

I found out I was pregnant in Jan 2004. I told my boyfriend and we decided we wanted to get married, for many different reasons. We told our moms but that's it. Because of insurance we eloped on Valentines day. We did tell our moms about the elopement but we still planned a wedding and decided to keep it from everyone else. We got married before all our family on April 10. At the reception it started to get around that I was pregnant. I was so happy that I didn't really care. Our families are old school too and honestly they got over it. And so will yours. Keep it a secret if you want but don't stress out over it. We loved that we had a special day that we said vows to each other that was just for us.

My opinion is go ahead and register for a few things you might need. If you get something you don't want take it back for store credit... Target has baby stuff too. ;-)

You cant ask for cash but you can let it be known that you are saving up for something special in the next year and if they would like to donate to that they can. Another option is there is a website out there that people can donate money to for a honeymoon or other things... I think amazon has something like that. You could have people donate to a fund and then later use that fund money to buy baby stuff or house stuff. If you have a wedding website you can put on there "In lue of gifts we have ...." with whatever you decided to do.

And don't worry about the baby money too much. You will end up having a baby shower and getting the things you need. My daughter didn't have a brand new crib & other stuff but they were nice handy-me downs that got us through and worked out great. And even though our families weren't thrilled they LOVE my daughter to pieces and now almost 9 years later they still tell me they wouldn't change a thing.

RusticBride13 · January 2013

Wow... now that I skimmed through the rest of the posts it turned ugly fast.

Having a private courthouse exchange of vows and still having a traditional wedding later isnt a crime and it isnt lieing. My family found out my ex and I did that afterwards and they didnt care. It was a special moment for just the two of us without all the stress & kaos that comes with a normal day.

This poor girl is scared & emotional. Cut her some slack. We're not all perfect. Shes just looking for someone to lean on and I thoughts thats what this board was all about. Not attacking each other. We're not all going to agree on everything but we should at least support one another.

rsanna · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6afd9c3d-0bcb-43bb-87e1-0a26fc70deea">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow... now that I skimmed through the rest of the posts it turned ugly fast. Having a private courthouse exchange of vows and still having a traditional wedding later isnt a crime and<strong> it isnt lieing</strong>. My family found out my ex and I did that afterwards and they didnt care. It was a special moment for just the two of us without all the stress & <strong>kaos </strong>that comes with a normal day. This poor girl is scared & emotional. Cut her some slack. We're not all perfect. Shes just looking for someone to lean on and I thoughts thats what this board was all about. Not attacking each other. We're not all going to agree on everything but we should at least support one another.
Posted by RusticBride13[/QUOTE]

<div>Maybe learn how to spell? And it is lying and it is deceitful. Because people would be coming to witness someone's wedding and instead they would be witnessing a play put on by the couple. That isn't entirely the case with OP because of the convalidation ceremony. But no matter how you spin it, not telling your guests you are married and inviting them to a wedding after you are legally husband and wife is lying and it is deceitful. And if you noticed basically all of the PPs encouraged her to not lose her deposits, throw a great party celebrating her marriage, etc. as long as her guests knew she was married.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: And no, this board is about etiquette. </div>

Simply Fated · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6dd9f2c1-27bf-40ef-9c0a-ad1b1aa0b3ae">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]The courthouse wedding was for us. I don't see how that is hard to understand. Sometimes BC fails and it can be pretty embarassing for someone with certain beliefs. It made me feel a little less like I had ruined my faith.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]
Holy Logic Fail, Batman.

RMcDougle · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6329d722-073b-4752-8c01-242c87424b37">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, I get what everyone is saying about not lying. I see your point. What would you suggest I do in this situation then, assuming I call every guest in the morning and explain the situation? They will all stop talking to us, as pregnancy before marriage is basically the highest offense to them. I don't know why, it just is. <strong>They are more accepting of wonky math involved in lying about the timeline than a child out of wedlock</strong>. We have family members and family friends whose timelines don't exactly add up, and everyone side-eye's it a bit, but gives them the benefit of the doubt. I figured it would be no different for us.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

Your family isn't dumb. When you have that 8+ pound baby two+ months "prematurely", people will know exactly the timeline. And you will look just as foolish as your other family members with children "secretly" conceived out of wedlock. If your family would be upset with the news now, then they will be mad at you later too. Just grow up and own up to your actions and their consequences. Or are you more concerned that if your family knew the truth they would be so mad that they wouldn't attend your pretty party and give you presents?

MeredithAH · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6dd9f2c1-27bf-40ef-9c0a-ad1b1aa0b3ae">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]The courthouse wedding was for us. I don't see how that is hard to understand. Sometimes BC fails and it can be pretty embarassing for someone with certain beliefs. It made me feel a little less like I had ruined my faith.
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

I am very religious and strong in my faith, so I understand that you wanted to feel like you made something right. I will not debate the morality of premarital sex within the confines of your faith, that is between you and God, but lying is wrong. There are a multitude of verses in the Bible forbidding it, but as a religious person I am sure you know that.

I understand your family wants to see you have a special day, but you have already had your special day. You are already married. So why not come clean? Your friends and family may be angry but I do think they will respect you more than if you lied to them. You would be owning your desicion and claiming your child in the process.

About the planned wedding day, why not have a renewal of the vows then a celebration of your recent wedding.

Sassenach1743 · January 2013

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_self-appointed-moh-burns-out-bride_.0

This post says your wedding isn't till July 2013... But your profile says it's now on Valentine's day? Not to mention all the links to other posts, including those that are suspect to you posing as your "crazy MOH", where everyone suspects you are trolling! Nothing you say, concerning your wedding plans or your "understanding" of basic logic, makes any sense. I have no other option but to call MUD!

Get off of this board. You are a TROLL!

Reported!

NOLAbridealmost · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6afd9c3d-0bcb-43bb-87e1-0a26fc70deea">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow... now that I skimmed through the rest of the posts it turned ugly fast. Having a private courthouse exchange of vows and still having a traditional wedding later isnt a crime and it isnt lieing. My family found out my ex and I did that afterwards and they didnt care. It was a special moment for just the two of us without all the stress & kaos that comes with a normal day. This poor girl is scared & emotional. Cut her some slack. We're not all perfect. Shes just looking for someone to lean on and I thoughts thats what this board was all about. Not attacking each other. We're not all going to agree on everything but we should at least support one another.
Posted by RusticBride13[/QUOTE]

Both you and the OP say that lying to guests and having a sham "wedding" aren't crimes. That's correct. Laws prevent crimes. Etiquette prevents foolishness. Your guests were probably judging the hell out of you and were rightly offended by the lies. You looked foolish.

J&K10910 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:8a5499c3-ea96-4f8a-80f1-6eb3b8f0ac4a">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]<a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_self-appointed-moh-burns-out-bride_.0">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_self-appointed-moh-burns-out-bride_.0</a> This post says your wedding isn't till July 2013... But your profile says it's now on Valentine's day? Not to mention all the links to other posts, including those that are suspect to you posing as your "crazy MOH", where everyone suspects you are trolling! Nothing you say, concerning your wedding plans or your "understanding" of basic logic, makes any sense. I have no other option but to call MUD! <strong>Get off of this board. You are a TROLL! Reported!</strong>
Posted by brita722[/QUOTE]

Wait, seriously?

libby2483 · January 2013

This must be MUD. After reading this entire thread, that is all I have the energy to say right now.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-only-for-baby-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93cceb53-40ae-4aa2-a269-6cc28398b1f2Post:6329d722-073b-4752-8c01-242c87424b37">Re: Cash Only For Baby, Please?</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, I get what everyone is saying about not lying. I see your point. What would you suggest I do in this situation then, assuming I call every guest in the morning and explain the situation?
Posted by RisaCtoFox[/QUOTE]

I would send an announcement. While I don't think lying about the baby is a good idea, I can see the point about not bringing it up and starting a sh*t storm right before the party. However, I do think lying about both the marriage and the baby is in poor taste. I would send an announcement to all guest, IMMEDIATELY, saying something along the lines of "RisaCtoFox and Husband got married at a private ceremony in a courthouse on X date. We will still be holding a convalidation ceremony to celebrate the marriage in the Catholic Church on the original day of the wedding. A reception for all guests will follow as planned."

No lies, still get to have your party, no one angry, people will probably still bring gifts.

button6004 · January 2013

OP, I will tell you that I side eye you more for LYING TO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY about being married already than I do for being pregnant out of wedlock. For someone who claims to be all about your faith, you find no problem with lying, which is a sin itself. Honestly, as someone who grew up in the Catholic church, I find your carefree deceit to be far more shameful than your screw up with birth control.

Send an announcement out now. Do not fool your friends and family on your "wedding" day.

You need to spend a good bit of time in the confessional. For serious.

Negazilla · January 2013

Seriously lady, you're just asking for it. If you've read through any of these boards at all, you knew exactly what all of these people would say to each of your questions.

Congratulations on the baby.

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