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Not Engaged Yet

Elope Count Just Got Serious.

So, I've been thinking about this ALOT in the back of my mind and today FI very seriously asked me about it.  He said he just doesn't want to have to wait for me to be his wife - and I completely agree.  As I've said before we've been thinking about where we'd get married - in La with just his dad and step-mother there or up in Missouri where both of our families are.  I personally just wanted the small intimate wedding in La, but we hadn't really decided just yet.  So now we're thinking of eloping altogether, which I personally would absolutely LOVE to do.  Not that I don't love his family and don't want them there, I just think that it's totally us to be the type to run away and get married and enjoy that time with each other. 

How do you all feel about eloping and would you ever seriously consider it as an option?
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Re: Elope Count Just Got Serious.

  • edited December 2011
    If DH would have been 100% onboard, we would have run off to a tropical island.  I would have still gotten a dress, flowers and hired a photographer.  (As I've said many times here, I do love the way we did it for many, many reasons.)

    I think that the couple needs to do what is right for them.  I feel that elopements can be completely romantic.

    I am against elopements when it is only to speed up getting married for the wrong reasons, to hide it from their families or because the girl knows the guy is a douche and wants to live in denial/not hear outside opinions.  
  • edited December 2011
    I would have worn a dress like this



  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_elope-count-just-got-serious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:de3193d7-defa-4e4b-8e6a-57bdad812ea6Post:6ef4610b-20f1-4b61-8edc-8cfd67f6bf7c">Re: Elope Count Just Got Serious.</a>:
    [QUOTE] I think that the couple needs to do what is right for them.  I feel that elopements can be completely romantic. I am against elopements when it is only to speed up getting married for the wrong reasons, to hide it from their families or because the girl knows the guy is a douche and wants to live in denial/not hear outside opinions.  
    Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this.

    Personally, I wouldn't want to do it.  Even though the thought of no audience and no stress is appealing, it's very important to us to at least have our parents at siblings see us get married.  I think my family would be very hurt if we eloped.
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  • babybchbumbabybchbum member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If it fits you and your FI then I would do it. My FI keeps mentioning it, but whenever I bring it up seriously he keeps saying "I don't want you to look back and think 'I never had'" so we continue with wedding planning.
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's different for everyone. I know part of me wishes we would just be married, but I think I would always be a little sad not sharing it with our friends and families. Also I know it's silly, but I want that photo album of pictures of all the little details of the day. I want to run away together to enjoy being married, and we are - to Jamaica!

    I think the most I would consider would be inviting immediate family and closest friends (cut it off around 30 people) and have a casual nice dinner wedding. You don't need the pomp and fluff. Get a fun dress and a marriage license and a JOP. Reserve some room at a restaurant and be done with it.
  • edited December 2011
    I really feel like it's something that we would both love to do and neither of us would have the regrets of our families not being there. 

    And yes Mutley, I still would DEFINITLY want to have the dress, flowers and of course photographer!  And I loooove that dress you picked out! 

    We're going to talk more seriously about it tonight, but I think it's something we both might really want to do...
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I couldn't elope. I've always wanted a wedding. Not to mention my mother would kill me if I were to elope.

    If that is what both of you are completely on board for and feel like you would have no regrets doing it that way then I say go for it.
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    where would you do it jeter? go to city hall? have a JOP meet you somewhere? would you invite anyone to come? or just you 2?

    what is your vision?
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    BF asked me to elope with him while we were in Cuba.

    I didn't take him seriouslly b/c he had a few drinks before hand.  But I'd consider it - tropical paradise with us, photog, pretty dress and some flowers...totally. 

    It depends on you two tho, and your families.  Would they be upset if you ran off? Would you miss the "pretty princess" wedding?  If you and FI want to do it - and it won't seriouslly f up a relationship with In laws....DO IT!

    "Popular on the internetz..."
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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • edited December 2011

    kat - No, it's not silly at all to want those things!  Even if we do elope, I still want my photographs and I still want to have my dress and all the goodies!  We have also considered the JOP and restaraunt thing... I just think I want something more romantic then just going to the court house though, you know..?

    loopy - Completely understandable.  It's a little different for me though because I've never really wanted the big wedding, and I'm not on speaking terms with my mother so I don't have to worry about that end of it either..

  • edited December 2011
    kat -  I think my envision is one of 2 things.  I've thought it would be great to be married in New Orleans at like an old B&B or something - and if we did it there we could have his dad & step-mom with us as witnesses, which I do deep down want them to be there because we are REALLY close to them.   And then there's another part of me that can see us jumping on a plane and going to Vegas or something of the sort...
  • edited December 2011
    Paige - The only person we're worried about upsetting is his mother and he is going to talk to her about it tonight to see if she would be hurt.  I don't have any family to really worry about so that's a good thing.  I guess we all have our own visions for our weddings, mine has just never been the "pretty princess" type as you call it.  I really feel like it would be so amazing and intimate for it to just be US and enjoying that moment together without having the worry of all the usual wedding stress. 
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Do all states require a witness or is that on a state by state basis?

    Why is a witness required? I signed off at my brothers wedding and now they're divorced. Nothing ever came up for me signing that form after I signed it.

    I guess imo if you are close to the FIL's I think you should have them there... would they be upset if they weren't there to see you get married?
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Jeter - That sounds like a wonderful idea then.  And I'm a serious enabler...so I say...DO IT

    "Popular on the internetz..."
    image

    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • edited December 2011
    I'm not sure about the witness part loopy - I think that most places do require 2 though.  But alot of times if you plan on eloping to a certain place they will provide witnesses if you don't have any.   I don't know if FFIL would be completely upset, but I'm thinking it would be nice for him to be there....  That's definitely something we'll have to take in account.  If we decide to do it somewhere like New Orleans then it would be perfect for them to be there...
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i like the B&B idea a lot!! keep us posted with your thoughts. I think to me, unless Vegas screams 'you guys' I would do something in LA. To me, if you're eloping to make it something special just for you, Vegas would seem a little more generic to me. I think elopements can be very romantic, but I don't find Las Vegas to be romantic. But that's just me!
  • edited December 2011

    I'm finding some really neat B&B's in New Orleans... I'm reaaaalllyyyy starting to like this idea!!  And if we did it there we could keep it very intimate and still be able to have FFIL and step-mother there... And then we could just spend a few days alone at the B&B.   With me starting a new job when I move down there we both figure it will be quite some time before I get any real vacation time so we'd probably have to wait for any sort of real honeymoon - I have a feeling that's what we'd end up doing on our 1st anniversary..

  • bajedivabajediva member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i also love the B&B idea. i personally would *LOVE* to elope, or at most, have a super tiny affair. BF and i have discussed it a lot, and i know that i could deal with a larger wedding more easily than he could deal with eloping.

    although my family is by no means small, his is even larger than mine, and sharing special times with as many of them as possible is important to him, since it's a sore point for him that he & his mom moved away from most of them when he was young.

    it sounds like it would be what you *both* would want and would *both* enjoy, so i say, pending further research - feeling out his mom on it, etc. - go for it. and then i can live vicariously through you!
  • zaneopalzaneopal member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd elope. I am not the wedding sort at all, much less the pretty princess type, and if I *did* have a wedding with BF, it would just be the two of us and our immediate families...add in an officiant and a photographer, and that would bring us a grand total of 10 people present.

    I'd probably still have *the dress* and I'd want photography...of course if I marry BF then I could probably sweet-talk his dad into doing it, as he is a fantastic photographer (BF's whole family takes amazing pictures, actually).

    Of course, then my paternal grandmother would drive down from Queens and murder me. Because she's been dreaming of my pretty-princess wedding since my parents announced "It's a girl!".
  • edited December 2011
    LOL baje!  Well if this is what we truly decide on, then you girls will have to help me research the PERFECT B&B!!  And yes, then you can all live vicariously through me and my elopement !

    Wink
  • edited December 2011
    Wow - you're awesome kat!  I see what I'm going to be doing the rest of the afternoon rather than working.. Haha..
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    hey, you already put in your notice!! screw it!
  • edited December 2011
    I reaaalllyy liking the degas kat...  I loved other ones I found but the pricing is just ridiculous on most of them for just a small elopement like we're talking.  But the degas is actually quite reasonable.. HMMM!
  • edited December 2011
    LOL!  Very true - screw 'em all.
  • edited December 2011
    We seriously talked about it.

    We decided on a small, VERY SMALL, destination wedding, inviting our parents, siblings, grandparents, and wedding party. It would have been 20 people. Man, I wish we had been able to do that.

    When we had to use our money for my tuition, dad stepped in and offered to pay for a more traditional reception. It was that or JOP. We really, REALLY considered JOPing. But I knew my family has a history of JOPing (and then divorcing), and my parents had a small wedding in Japan when they were in the military (no family at all). My grandpa was really hurt, so I guess we're kind of having this wedding for him.

    I couldn't care less what FMIL would have thought. Obviously.

    1) have a photographer
    2) buy yourself a gorgeous, fun white dress
    3) have flowers... any flowers. Even wildflowers you picked yourself.
    4) get a mani/pedi. You're getting married!
    5) have your FI wear a suit. Or, if it's summer in New Orleans, at least a nice cotton button shirt and dress pants. You can head out after the ceremony and take pics in the French Quarter! Totally fabulous.

    Go for it. If it's what you and your FI want, you'll save yourself a ton of stress and you'll still have wonderful pictures to look back on. I think you should do it.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Ah, yes - I definitely want to do all those things Jeana!  I knew you'd have great advice, of course.
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ohhh I like the Benachi House. That looks pretty sweet! Maybe I should plan a trip to LA. I've never been..
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  • edited December 2011
    Eloping means just you and FI.  I couldn't elope because it would hurt my mom.  I'm her first born and my sister claims she never wants to get married. I was originally going to have a city hall wedding. When it came down to it, we had too many people who we wanted to invite, and the logistics of it wasn't working.  


  • edited December 2011
    BF and I have already talked about. We are going to Sandels with our parents and getting married. For us, it would just work better. More intimate and romantic. I will have a dress, photographer, and cake. I know many poeple who have done this and it has been beautiful.

    I say DO IT!!! Have fun!!
    image Anniversary
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