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Wedding Etiquette Forum
L-Bride
member
Curious
Some of my friends are really starting to annoy me regarding their fears that they are going to be old maids and won’t be able to “Ever get married!” They are putting themselves on some time line and are afraid they will never find the right person. I tell them that of course they are going to and to stop sweating it since they are only 27 years old.
I’ve explained to them that as excited as I am to get married to Mr. L-Bride, if he didn’t exist and I had never met him I would be enjoying my 20s and not worried about getting married. They of course respond with “Easy for you to say. You’re getting married and don’t have to worry about this.”
I don’t understand how you can just decide that you want to be married now, without a boyfriend or prospective partner. I only want to be married because of who I know I’m marrying. Don’t get me wrong I always knew I wanted a husband and kids someday, but it’s nothing I would force. I want to add that these friends are really pretty, fun, and adventurous people. I don’t know why they are torturing themselves but it’s really unflattering in my opinion.
How do you feel about your marriage or upcoming marriages? If you had never met your S/O would you be having a panic attack if you weren’t married or engaged yet?
I’ve explained to them that as excited as I am to get married to Mr. L-Bride, if he didn’t exist and I had never met him I would be enjoying my 20s and not worried about getting married. They of course respond with “Easy for you to say. You’re getting married and don’t have to worry about this.”
I don’t understand how you can just decide that you want to be married now, without a boyfriend or prospective partner. I only want to be married because of who I know I’m marrying. Don’t get me wrong I always knew I wanted a husband and kids someday, but it’s nothing I would force. I want to add that these friends are really pretty, fun, and adventurous people. I don’t know why they are torturing themselves but it’s really unflattering in my opinion.
How do you feel about your marriage or upcoming marriages? If you had never met your S/O would you be having a panic attack if you weren’t married or engaged yet?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Curious
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
- all her friends are doing it so she feels left behind
- she's nervous because she can't even find a decent boyfriend, much less one who's "husband-material"
- her biological clock is ticking
- her life's dream was to be a wife and mother
- she's being pressured by family
- she's bored
- etc., etc., etc.
Not that these are good reasons, but they are reasons.
A month after I had that conversation with my mom, I met FI. Sometimes that's just the way it works.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
Back when I was dating, I had a string of winners (Married Guy, the one who left me for Jesus, Gay Guy, the one who did $8,000 worth of damage to my car...).
I in no case had a panic attack, but it did bum me out for a while because I was in 4 weddings one summer and a lot of my other friends got married.
And since I have friends who do/say the same thing to me all the time, I don't mind saying the whole scenario of worrying sounds pathetic.
RAWR!
So I would guess that your girlfriends are just feeling a little bit of that right now, especially thinking that they're going to lose some of the relationship you all have once you're married.
I listen to their reasons but I think their reasons suck. I also find that the girls who are really looking to get married end up being the ones who get married last. Men don't like women who are only looking to find a man to marry.
I did something similar. I was telling my mom I didn't think I'd ever get married. She told me if I found the right person, I'd change my mind. I started dating FI a month later, and lo and behold, the woman was right
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
FI never thought he'd find someone to marry him, which is really sad because hes such a great guy. And hes hit on all the time, so I don't understand where that came from.
[QUOTE]Well I'm a little bit older than you and your friends, so maybe that makes a difference in my answer, but yes. I am 32, if I were still single, I would be sad about it.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]
I agree. I'll be 32 this year, and if I were single without even any good prospects, I'd be pretty down about it.
[QUOTE]<strong>It actually scares me how much women measure themselves and their happiness by whether or not they are married yet</strong>. I never identified with that notion when watching romantic comedies and I don't identify with it now. Was I lucky enough to find some one I wanted to marry very young? Yes. Would I be enjoying my 20s if he hadn't come along yet? Damn skippy. And since I have friends who do/say the same thing to me all the time, I don't mind saying the whole scenario of worrying sounds pathetic.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]
Yes, I think that's the part that sends me to the moon. I consider myslef lucky that I don't share the same beliefs and sentiments as them. I'm just surprised by how they are acting lately.
Also, I am the first one out of my friends to get married so it's not as though EVERYONE is getting married and the dynamic is changing within our group.
My very BFF told me years ago that she saw me meeting the man of dreams at 40 and once we met, that would be it, no more games What really pissed me off is she was right. I met H one month after my 40th.
[QUOTE]L my one and only BM (the MOH is my little sister) does this to me A LOT. She's my best friend and I love her to death but she gets on these Pity Party streaks where I can't do ANYTHING to console her for days.
Posted by ZoeTheDog[/QUOTE]
Yes! I want to sympathize for my ladies (they are my best friends) but I end up just wanting to give them a swift kick to the ass.
"Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
[QUOTE]
I don't think my biological clock is even on.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
"DING DING DING We have a winner! What've we got for her, Johnny???"
[QUOTE]I'm waaay older than all of you and yes, by the time I was 36, I was getting pretty damn tired of being "oh this is my wife's friend" at holiday dinners. My very BFF told me years ago that she saw me meeting the man of dreams at 40 and once we met, that would be it, no more games What really pissed me off is she was right. <font color="#999999"> <strong>I met H one month after my 40th.</strong>
</font>Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]
That's funny how she knew that. Aren't you glad you didn't rush into anything prior to that? You wouldn't be where you are now.
Diana was onto something when she said...You can't hurry love <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
[QUOTE]I don't think there is anything wrong or odd for women in their later twenties to wish to be married. I don't think it's about being OMGMARRIED or getting to have a princess wedding. I think its more just about seeing the people around you meeting a person they love enough to spend a life with, and wishing you could find the same. After a while, you don't want to be out in the clubs all the time sleeping around and getting drunk, you want to make a life with a person and have a partner to share your time and experiences with. Whats wrong about that?
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]
Exactly. What's so pathetic about wanting to share your life with someone? Isn't that why we're all here?
[QUOTE]I don't think there is anything wrong or odd for women in their later twenties to wish to be married. I don't think it's about being OMGMARRIED or getting to have a princess wedding. I think its more just about seeing the people around you meeting a person they love enough to spend a life with, and wishing you could find the same. After a while, you don't want to be out in the clubs all the time sleeping around and getting drunk, you want to make a life with a person and have a partner to share your time and experiences with. Whats wrong about that?
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]
I agree 100%.
It's easy to say "I'd be TOTALLY FINE if I wasn't in a relationship" when you are in one.
two years!
after two losses, now happily expecting baby #1 09.16.12
Brie Fit Blog | BFP Chart
[QUOTE]I don't think there is anything wrong or odd for women in their later twenties to wish to be married. I don't think it's about being OMGMARRIED or getting to have a princess wedding. <strong>I think its more just about seeing the people around you meeting a person they love enough to spend a life with, and wishing you could find the same. After a while, you don't want to be out in the clubs all the time sleeping around and getting drunk, you want to make a life with a person and have a partner to share your time and experiences with.</strong> Whats wrong about that?
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]
This completely. Its hard to see everyone with a support system (husband, significant other, family they have built) and not have those things. Its not a bad thing to want a partner.
It's one thing to want something but I don't see the point of my friends wishing their lives away...
[QUOTE]In some respects everyone "whines" for something they dont have, and once they have it they cant imagine ever whining about it. <strong>I think its a little sad to be judging your friends like that just because they have a desire to be in a serious committed relationship.
</strong>Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]
Haha, you may be singing a different tune if you were listening to them!
[QUOTE]In some respects everyone "whines" for something they dont have, and once they have it they cant imagine ever whining about it. I think its a little sad to be judging your friends like that just because they have a desire to be in a serious committed relationship.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]
Also signed, Eastunder
"Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
I think freaking out and playing comparison games while loathing in self pity at 25-27 is pathetic. Maybe I just have sucky friends, but I too am at wits end with their seriously depressed behavior (these women are 26 for cripes sake). Just enjoy your life, there is so much to come and do.
RAWR!
[QUOTE]I don't think there's anything WRONG with it. I knew I eventually wanted to get married. I just think it's sad that people put pressure on themselves to get married and have kids just because everyone else does. People should enjoy their lives in the moment instead of whining for a man. It's one thing to want something but I don't see the point of my friends wishing their lives away...
Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]
Again, it's easy to come to this conclusion since YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED ;)
If you didn't even have a boyfriend and everyone else was partnering up, there's a good chance you'd feel down about it too. Kind of like if all your friends are having babies and you can't get pregnant. Or everyone's got great jobs, and you're unemployed, etc.
That's how I feel Meaghan.
I don't think anyone is Pathetic by the way. I never used that word. I just have a hard time understanding basing happiness in my life on if I have a future husband or not.
[QUOTE]Back when I was dating, I had a string of winners (Married Guy, the one who left me for Jesus, Gay Guy, the one who did $8,000 worth of damage to my car...)
Posted by TheSaltyPeanut[/QUOTE]
Oh no! Those are bad!
I'd like to say I wouldn't care, because I enjoy(ed) being single--I like doing my own thing, coming home and eating a bag of potato chips for dinner occasionally, making spontaneous trips out of town with the girls, stuff I don't really do much anymore. But then again, I was dating a "string of winners" like SaltyPeanut said right before Mr. Heels and I met, so who knows. I like to think I was just going through a lonely phase in grad school because I was away from my sorority sisters and wasn't making friends with anyone in my MAC program.
Have I told you the story of my bachelorette party? The girl who organized it and volunteered to be our DD had a total meltdown and left--started crying and screaming "WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN!?" At that point, she had been a bridesmaid 11 times and had one more before my wedding, so I was lucky 13. Yay me. So yeah, that was fun. She's now engaged to a guy she dated for about 4 months. So I guess it is going to be her turn! She's my only friend who is weird about being single. Everyone else seems to have a decent perspective on it.