Surprise weddings? Good idea?

asnipes27 · March 2010

I need help with deciding if hosting a surprise wedding would be a good idea. Has anybody hosted/planning/been to one? Do/did you tell the parents?

[Deleted User] · March 2010

I think it depends on your parents. If they are real traditional/old school, father gives bride away, etc, they may take it kinda hard. It may even hurt them for a while until they can come to grips with it. If they aren't like that, then I would say whatever.

I know my cousin did this and everything happen so fast (they went to JOP) and then she decided to have a dress at the last minute b/c they were both in the military, that none of the family got to attend. My Mom (cousins dad is my Mom' brother) was really pissed for a while. We weren't even invited for dinner/informal reception everything was so last minute.

AdeleDazeem · March 2010

This was asked not long ago... I'll see if I can find it. It's fine as long as you are okay with people potentially missing it. My aunt and uncle did it - it was really fun - but the party was on a Friday night and with rush hour traffic, we thought about not going. If we had, we would have missed it!

EDIT: I hope this link works! http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_surprise-weddings

jagore08 · March 2010

Not a good idea.

danieliza1127 · March 2010

I think you run the risk of not having people you want there. I mean, people aren't likely to travel from out of town for just a party but they would if they knew it was your wedding. Or even local people might decide not to come at the last minute if they think it's just a big party.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

This seems like a really, really, really bad idea.

trix1223 · March 2010

I think it could lead to unhappiness and ramifications that you're not really thinking about. A moment of spontaneous fun that could have long term consequences.....

Boy did that last sentence sound like unprotected sex!

Anyway-speaking from a mom's POV: I think I would not have been happy to show up at either of my 2 kids who are married and find out that it was a surprise wedding. I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm pretty sure I'd have been ticked.

megk8oz · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_surprise-weddings-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:081d7681-bfdc-401c-aa88-14313a4636c2Post:11cebfae-2522-4e82-a272-c7250859de98">Re: Surprise weddings? Good idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it could lead to unhappiness and ramifications that you're not really thinking about. A moment of spontaneous fun that could have long term consequences..... Boy did that last sentence sound like unprotected sex! Anyway-speaking from a mom's POV: I think I would not have been happy to show up at either of my 2 kids who are married and find out that it was a surprise wedding. I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm pretty sure I'd have been ticked.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Trix, something tells me if I pulled this on my parents, they'd be pretty p!ssed, too. I think they'd hate being completely blindsided with such a huge moment in their own child's life.

That being said, I'd be ticked if one of my friends did this and gave me no warning. Due to our work schedules, DH and I usually arrive to weekend shin-digs 1/2-way through the party ... or I'll go at the begining, leave in the middle to go get him from work and then come back ... I'm pretty sure one or both of us would wind up missing the wedding in one of these situations.

I think if you're <strong>going</strong> to carry out something like this, at least give like your parents and other really important people some type of notice so they know it's important to be there.

amagwire · March 2010

I would say, no. It's a bad idea. I suppose it depends on your circumstances, but I feel like surprise weddings happen because the bride and/or groom know they will get negative feedback from their families regarding the future husband/wife. In this kind of circumstance, it's always best to play nice, plan a small, simple wedding and kindly invite both families. If they don't attend for whatever reason, you did your best and did the proper thing.

jaimemuffin · March 2010

One of my moms best friends had a surprise wedding. It was on halloween, and it was a costume party. They showed up as the bride and groom, it was in her fathers barn. It was perfect, especially for them, they are very down to earth and it fit their friends, family, and their own style. AND it was a great party.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

It's one of those things that sounds really fun in theory, but would be a logistical nightmare. I think you should probably at least let your major players in on the secret, and be prepared for some people to be hurt if they couldn't show up for whatever reason. I've blown off parties for friends for various reasons (illness, work, fatigue, other plans), but I would make an effort to attend a friend's wedding.

golden1215 · March 2010

If you don't mind it being small/lower turn out, I say why not? My parents would think it was awesome if we did a surprise wedding... less money for them! ha

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

This sounds like a logistical nightmare to me. How would you get everyone there at the same time?

I know that when one of our friends throws a party and says it starts at 8, when we show up at 8:30, we're the only ones there. You'd have to come up with some reason for people to get there at the set time and come up with an excuse that people will take off work or travel or cancel other plans or whatever they need to do to be there.

ces25c · March 2010

I have some acquaintances who did the costume party surprise wedding and it seemed to work for them.
I agree about the logistical problems though. Plenty of people may not travel an hour, much less out of state for a party when they would definitely make the trip for a wedding. You would have to let some people in on the secret, then worry about someone letting it slip.

beachk · March 2010

to the original poster - send me a private message! i may or may not be planning one..soon

Surprise weddings? Good idea?

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