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Not Engaged Yet
How long is long enough?
BF and I were talking and he asked how long people typically date for before getting engaged. I told him that it varies but that the longer you wait the more support you get from the people in your life. We have only been together for 7 months and while we are both very much in love and have told each other that we will get married we are tentative to get engaged as we are worried that instead of celebrating it we will have to justify it to people who think that we haven't been together long enough. So I am wondering what everyone thinks, how long is long enough?
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Re: How long is long enough?
For me, if we dated under a year people really would have given us the side-eye. Somewhere around 2 years is usually normal.
From the discussion BF and I have had by the time we get engaged we will have been dating around 5 years, obviously that is longer than a lot of couples but we are young and want to finish school.
Many of my friends only dated their FIs or Hs for less than a year before getting engaged. There is no right amount of time it all depends on the couple.
It takes a while to develop the kind of friendship that is necessary for a long-term relationship. It also takes a while for you two to learn about each other's quirks, and navigate inevitable roadblocks in the relationship. The amount of time this takes is different for everyone.
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Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters. Baby who can really tell, when two hearts belong so well?
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It definitely depends on the people in the relationship!
I know couples at my church who dated for a month before they got married and are still happily married 50 years later. Then there's my cousin who lived with her now ex-husband for 7 years (they were engaged for 3 of those years) before they got married at age 28 and were divorced within a year.
There is definitely no set answer to how long is enough.
On the other hand, my other cousin met his wife and got engaged about 14 months later and got married 5 months later and a lot of people wondered what the rush was. He had a lot of justifying to do even though he was the same age as our other cousin, and had dated her longer, because people could see the toxicity of their relationship.
Personally, I think two years is good, but I'm not going to judge someone who takes less than that (unless they're early '20s or younger, and then I'll totally judge).
I haz a planning bio
My husband and I were together only 7 months before he proposed - and only 3 months of living together - but we both knew what we wanted from one another and we are anything but in a typical relationship which can be a factor , but most of all , it was right for both of us.
I think it's more important for someone younger ( meaning early 20's) to make sure they have discovered who they are on their own before being with someone else. Life experience in these times is crucial and we learn alot about ourselves in my opinion. When I me my DH I was 31 and ready to settle down , as was he. But we both before meeting one another went through alot of life changes , ups and downs that got us to the point in our lives where we realized what we needed - in the end it was each other
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
Like everyone said, it really depends on the whole situation, but in a very general opinion, I think less than a year still gets the side eye from a lot of people.
Some people date for 10 years and end up divorced. Others date for 3 weeks and spend their whole lives together. There is no set rule, but I think average is about 2 years prior to proposal.
Rachel & Jared est. November 11, 2006
I'm probably going to be one of those people whom everyone judges since we're both 22, but I guess I don't see the huge advantage of waiting a few more years just to wait a few more years. I know he's the one, we'll both be graduated from college, and I at least have a job and he'll be looking. We'd both be looked down upon in our family if we were to move in together before we were married, so ultimately it's the right decision for us not to wait that much longer. So basically the whole point of that paragraph is that it depends on the situation too
Where I grew up this would definitely get the side eye, unless you were in your 30s. However, where I grew up people wait to get married until they are ready for kids. So, people will date for years and year and then decide they want children and do the engagement, marriage and kids in a very quick timeline.
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
[QUOTE]<strong>People will judge you no matter what you do. Just be logical in your decisons and do what is right for you</strong>. Some people date for 10 years and end up divorced. Others date for 3 weeks and spend their whole lives together. There is no set rule, but I think average is about 2 years prior to proposal.
Posted by CWill16[/QUOTE]
This. I think that no matter what people are going to talk. I also agree with PPs that age is a huge factor. I myself clearly fall under no general category because BF and I have been together 8 years this coming November and have no plans to get engaged anytime soon because of school and finances. There is no set in stone time, you have to do what's right for the both of you.
I've been living with him for 7 months now and we are more in love than ever.
No one has really judged us, at least from what I've heard around the grapevine. Then again, we're both from rural areas. /shrug.
The only people who can say what is right are the two in the realtionship
For me, we haven't been together for a long time (months, like you), but we are both older with a clearer idea of what we're looking for. We also have full support of family and friends because they can see how compatible we are.
I think a couple in their thirties who have been dating for months and have support of family would be better received than a couple right out of high school who have been high school sweethearts for years but whose parents aren't supportive of the relationship.
Does that make any sense?
From a neurological/psychological perspective, it takes 3 years to get to know someone well enough to judge them fairly (eg. to overcome the "honeymoon" phase and to sort out what is really annoying vs. what you can deal with). That's why I say three years min. Plus, I don't really understand the rush for people on the younger side of things! If you're going to be together forever, a marriage license won't change anything except the legal BS.
I think I am probably the one who gets the biggest side-eye on here as FI and I have only been together for 5.5 months. However, we've known each other for 10 years (went to HS together) and been friends during that time. We got together, it clicked and we bought a house together within 2.5 months. We're 26/27 and have lived on our own, supported ourselves, he's in his career field and I'm finishing my Master's while working.
^ <----- I do not recommend this for everyone it is hard and we definitely have our ups and downs. We've also had major things happen that have pushed us to move faster.
All in all it is about what you're comfortable with no timeline is perfect.
A lot of really good points. Thanks again guys!
I don't think you should be making your plans based on what you suspect others might think, though, because really, it's no one's business but your own.
Life is good today.