Football vs. my wedding! Seriously?! Kinda long sorry.

KaroPat · November 2011

Ok, if that´s the situation, I see more of the balance.

I´m not trying to be extreme here. I just felt like everyone was so completely on the side of her brother, that I wanted to present the other side, even if extreme, that for me personally for example, something like my brother´s wedding is a definite important thing.

But if you make that argument that there were 42 other weekends, sure, that´s fair enough. Hopefully he can get out of the game for both of their sakes.

I just feel sometimes that the conversations on these boards are seeing only one side of the story, and I felt I needed to provide a devil´s advocate point of view. Due to my ¨other extreme¨ point of view, and also because it´s always more complex.

I also say it because I know sometimes people say things like ¨what´s the point of going¨, like my very close friend did, and those situations hurt. I don´t expect most of my guests to come to my out-of-continent wedding. But from the closest people to you, the initial attitude is very important.

banana468 · November 2011

I agree that attitude can be key.

The point I'm trying to make is that while a wedding is HUGE to the people getting married, you can't forget that others have other obligations which may prevent them from attending.

jmgriz · December 2011

Wow...this really hits home for me....except I wish it would have worked out that way for me.

I've been waiting for years to get done with pharmacy school so I could get married. I want to take my boards first (so that I can concentrate on passing and then enjoy my wedding). I also wanted to avoid a 3 year engagement. Therefore I was aiming for a September or October 2012 wedding.

My sister plays division 1 soccer. So that ties up August 6-mid November (PRACTICES and not GAMES are what tie up the August dates). She is my only sister, so we should be closer, but we really aren't that tight...probably partially because she (and my father) are such lunatics about sports. I would have preferred that my dad let me start my life when I wanted and given my sister the option to be there or not. Instead, he had a FIT (which is partially what makes me so mad...he handles things sooo poorly) and basically said my wedding is second priority to soccer. And I know that if it came down to it, HE would be at the game (or at least resent me forever and ever). All those years of Catholic school must have mixed up my priorities...I thought major family events and one of the holy sacraments woulld be more important than sporting events...

So, I feel for your situation.....but at least he's not forcing you to change your date/life, and at least he seems to plan on being at your wedding and not the game :-/ And I do not think you're being selfish or a bridezilla at all...I would wonder why my brother couldn't at least ASK what the repercussions of missing a regular season game were.

banana468 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_football-vs-wedding-seriously-kinda-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:eb52797d-bbae-4cd3-b5db-ce66045f417fPost:51a04cbb-6d20-4add-b679-2f58e1c82a37">Re: Football vs. my wedding! Seriously?! Kinda long sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow...this really hits home for me....except I wish it would have worked out that way for me. I've been waiting for years to get done with pharmacy school so I could get married. I want to take my boards first (so that I can concentrate on passing and then enjoy my wedding). I also wanted to avoid a 3 year engagement. Therefore I was aiming for a September or October 2012 wedding. My sister plays division 1 soccer. So that ties up August 6-mid November (PRACTICES and not GAMES are what tie up the August dates). She is my only sister, so we should be closer, but we really aren't that tight...probably partially because she (and my father) are such lunatics about sports. I would have preferred that my dad let me start my life when I wanted and given my sister the option to be there or not. Instead, he had a FIT (which is partially what makes me so mad...he handles things sooo poorly) and basically said my wedding is second priority to soccer. And I know that if it came down to it, HE would be at the game (or at least resent me forever and ever). All those years of Catholic school must have mixed up my priorities...I thought major family events and one of the holy sacraments woulld be more important than sporting events... So, I feel for your situation.....but at least he's not forcing you to change your date/life, and at least he seems to plan on being at your wedding and not the game :-/ And I do not think you're being selfish or a bridezilla at all...I would wonder why my brother couldn't at least ASK what the repercussions of missing a regular season game were.
Posted by jmgriz[/QUOTE]

It works both ways though. Why can't you ASK others about choosing a date before or after the season?

KaroPat · December 2011

Because a season is a season and one day is one day. Let's not be ridiculous here.

banana468 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_football-vs-wedding-seriously-kinda-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:eb52797d-bbae-4cd3-b5db-ce66045f417fPost:8b6a1df3-49b4-4762-906e-b03dbd0b7d40">Re: Football vs. my wedding! Seriously?! Kinda long sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]Because a season is a season and one day is one day. Let's not be ridiculous here.
Posted by KaroPat[/QUOTE]

Really? There are three other seasons a year. I'd understand if there were tons of other family conflicts then you can't schedule around one person but I don't get why one person should have to put their agreed upon commitment on hold because someone else decided not to plan around it.

KaroPat · December 2011

Because he also has a family. The rule is, the couple puts a date and everyone does what they can to be there without saying insulting things.

banana468 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_football-vs-wedding-seriously-kinda-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:eb52797d-bbae-4cd3-b5db-ce66045f417fPost:7ee1b9ce-af00-4428-b2af-173c66ae777c">Re: Football vs. my wedding! Seriously?! Kinda long sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]Because he also has a family. The rule is, the couple puts a date and everyone does what they can to be there without saying insulting things.
Posted by KaroPat[/QUOTE]

I don't know where you heard that rule. The couple should be courteous about choosing a date in the first place.

Sure they can pick a date that will conflict with others but they have to accept that their close family will be upset when they blatantly choose a date that is a prior commitment for another person. The comments work both ways. Hopefully the sibling doesn't say, "What were you thinking choosing a date that you KNEW I wouldn't be able to attend?!"

jemmini6 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_football-vs-wedding-seriously-kinda-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:eb52797d-bbae-4cd3-b5db-ce66045f417fPost:16d5eee5-1785-4813-b49a-90e6b08198d3">Re: Football vs. my wedding! Seriously?! Kinda long sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think everyone here is being ridiculous. Its like "Jeez, OP, how dare you plan your life and NOT MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY! Wtf is wrong with you!?" The girl planned her wedding when it would work the best considering the situ. She can't suit everyone's schedule. Thats how life goes. I was an athlete in the NCAA, Div I, and I KNOW how that goes. While sports do consume your life for the most part, if something is big enough that you have to miss a game/event, then you do what you can. If I had told my coach I had to miss a regular event bc of a family thing, he would have been annoyed but understanding. If it was a championship, he would have killed me, but in the end it would have been my decision. Thats exactly what this is going to come down to... your brother's decision. He should try to talk to his coach about it, and if the coach goes thru the roof at the thought of him not being there, then its his decision whether he wants to miss the game or the wedding. You really have no control over it, other than to simply tell him you would love it if he was there but understand if he's not. You didn't do anything wrong by planning your wedding when you did. <strong>You can't put your life on hold for others all the time.</strong> But it is what it is, and over all, its your brother's decision what he does.
Posted by CowgirlK39[/QUOTE]

I don't think the date she planned is what people have an issue with. It's true, you can't make everyone happy and in the end, you need to pick a date that works for you and your FI and as many people as possible.

The issue PPs have is that she knowingly picked a date where her brother ALREADY had a commitment, and is now getting upset that he won't back out of it. If she wants to keep her date, then she needs to realize that her brother most likely won't be there. Because the bolded part works both ways, she can't expect him to put his life on hold or change his plans just because she's getting married.

jmgriz · December 2011

Banana468, In my case, I am insistant upon taking the boards first. I have been working my butt of for 6 years and need to pass this final test (which will be in July). And if I wait until after soccer season is over to get married, that's a 3 year engagement and I think that's unfair to me and my fiance, all in the name of soccer. I literally had to pick the only date that would not cause her to miss even a PRACTICE, and I will end up missing out on enjoying some of the excitement of my own wedding because the national boards will be my first priority right beforehand.

And yes, the rule that "the couple puts a date and everyone does what they can to be there without saying insulting things" is 100% true!! If you went around asking everyone what dates didn't work for them, you would never find one! The only exception would be if someone else in the family was getting married or something. But otherwise, that would be way out of control.

Unfortunately the flip side is that they might not be able to come...which I guess is the case in the post. It's unfortunate that he doesn't seem to want to ask what might happen if he didn't come or see if he can come to the reception if it's later in the night (not sure what the distances or special circumstances are). I sympathize with original post and hope it works out for you. In my case, I would have been happy if my sister would have made an effort of any size to show she cared....but in the end, I worked my wedding/the beginning of my marriage/the beginning of my new life around her soccer schedule, and I will resent that forever.

Football vs. my wedding! Seriously?! Kinda long sorry.

Re: Football vs. my wedding! Seriously?! Kinda long sorry.

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