Bridesmaids Gifts

jnic0319 · June 2010

OK I know etiquette says not to give the girls anything that has to do with the wedding, even though that's all I've ever gotten haha and I actually never minded or thought anything of it until I came on here.

Anyway, I was shopping Saturday and found sets of lovely pearls (fresh water cultured) necklace and earring sets, they were originally $80 each and I had a slew of coupons etc. for the store and got them down to less than half of that. I bought a set for each of my girls. But since I got them for such a great price I feel like I'm being cheap if I only get them that. Even though that's more than I got in all of their weddings, except for one that paid for our hair, our manis and pedis and a pair of flip flops.

So here's my question, should I feel guilty for being a good shopper and therefore "cheap," since I don't think they are cheap gifts. Would you get other things to go along with this gift? Am I horrible for breaking etiquette on this one and therefore should return the gifts? I am up for some honesty!

damaless · June 2010

I think if you are concerned about the value of the gift, you should base it on the original price. I wouldn't worry about the actual amount you spent. Also, I thought it was fine to give jewelry as long as you don't REQUIRE that they wear it for your wedding. You could give them the pearls and just leave it up to them whether they want to wear them for the wedding.

andyandhillary · June 2010

I think that gift is totally fine. To keep it from being a "must have" for the wedding though, when they ask about jewelry let them know they can wear what they want. When they get their gifts, assure them that they are not required to wear them. It's none of their business what it cost and I think it's a nice gift.

callalilly323 · June 2010

I'm giving the girls pearl necklaces and pearl earrings. I'm going to have them wear it in my wedding. I didn't even realize it was etiquette not to do that! I figured I was being helpful because this way they wouldn't have to spend more money than necessary on accessories, and they would all look put together.

That being said -- clearly I think a pearl necklace and pearl earring sets are great, irregardless of price

myother1 · June 2010

It's all relative. If you're having a $100,000 wedding, it's pretty cheap and you should probably buy something else. If you're having a $1000 backyard wedding, you spent too much.

If you're somewhere in the middle, I'm sure you're fine.

Full disclosure: I bought my bridesmaids pearls, too, and they weren't extraordinarily expensive.

klreese0213 · June 2010

I never knew it was inapproperiate to give jewerly either, until being on here. in the past, i have recieved jewerly for the wedding as a thank you.
i don't think it's offensive. i think pearls are timeless and beautiful. i think the sets are plenty for each girl. base it off the original price, $80/peice is a pretty good gift. no one can fault you for being a great bargin-gal!
if you're feeling it isn't enough maybe you can add a box of chocolates or something similiar with the sets

jnic0319 · June 2010

Thanks guys, I am not requiring them to wear them. Although I'm assuming most will, if they don't want to that's up to them.

Also, we are right in the middle of those two extremes. I think I may also get them flip flops to change in to if they would like them.

CLSchramm · June 2010

I love the idea of jewelry as a BM gift and am also another person who didn't know it was bad etiquette until I started reading this board. I had a jewelry making party where all my BMs got to design their own jewelry, and while it does match their dresses, I guess if they don't want to wear it they don't have to. I think I'm still going to get them each a little something else; possibly a bottle of their fav. drink and some chocolate. I totally understand what you mean, it feels like they ought to get something else.

bonnyandtim · June 2010

Around my area, it is very common; almost a custom to give jewelry.

Myself, I bought headbands, necklaces, & earrings as gifts that I am requiring my BMs to wear. I did also buy them other gifts in addition to the jewelry.

As a side note, if it matters, I spent about $75 per girl. I'm hoping to do my 150 guest wedding for $3,000 or under.

I agree that you should consider the pearls VALUE/quality instead of the price you actually paid for them. I love being a savvy shopper because that (to me) gives me more $ I can put toward another gift for them.

As for as pearls go, I think EVERY GIRL should own a set! I got a strand & matching earrings from my parents when I graduated from college, & I've worn them to presentations, interviews, & meetings for wark (I work in a bank office).

myother1 · June 2010

Not too long after I asked one of my friends to be a bridesmaid, she told me about the last wedding she was in, where the bride gave her a weird martini glass as the gift. She actually said: "I was appalled. I expected jewelry, and I hadn't brought anything to go along with the dress, so I didn't have any jewelry. It was awful."

I took it as a hint.

CALEO · June 2010

My understanding is that its nice to give a gift to your bridesmaids. You absolutely can give them the gift of jewlery. However, if you require them to wear it in your weddings it is no longer a gift - it is a requirement and something that probably is designed to match your style more than theirs. So by all means - give the gift of jewlery, or require your bms to wear certain jewlwery - but if you do the latter, you need to get them a separate actual thank you gift because the required jewlery is not a present for them.

However, I've gotten jewlery in all the weddings I've been in (and required to wear it) and I don't judge.

jillross · June 2010

You could always get something and more personalized to each BM - I think the pearls are a great idea.

SSaltzman87 · June 2010

I don't think you spent too little at all! It's nobody's business to know how much their gifts cost except yours. Everything's expensive in today's economy and everyone's scaling back in some respect.

I'm personally thinking I'll get various gift sets from Bath & Body Works, Victoria's Secret, Yankee Candle etc. for my BMs when Semi Annual sales come around and whatnot.

mags0607 · June 2010

I am biased because I own 5 different sets of pearls and I love them.

I think they are a nice gift, but be mindful of your bridesmaids own personal taste. If you know that your girls will appreciate the jewelry and it will suite them, then its a great gift no matter what the price were.

Your bridesmaids won't know how much you spent, and I do think pearls are a classy gift. The only time I have problems with jewelry as a gift is if it is a requirement for the wedding. Then its no longer a gift, just like buying your BMs dress, paying for hair or makeup, etc, are not gifts if you require it.

If its in your budget and you want to, get a small little token to go with the pearls. But I thin kif they aren't required then you did good.

Sing2phins · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:158be19f-c95b-48e0-bacb-a14f1e37dde3Post:a7182fee-aae8-45c7-927e-81e52ffa66fe">Re: Bridesmaids Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Not too long after I asked one of my friends to be a bridesmaid, she told me about the last wedding she was in, where the bride gave her a weird martini glass as the gift. She actually said: "I was appalled. I expected jewelry, and I hadn't brought anything to go along with the dress, so I didn't have any jewelry. It was awful." I took it as a hint.
Posted by myother1[/QUOTE]
I'm not sure why it's the bride's job to give jewelry - I think it's kind of presumptuous not to be prepared in case the bride goes another way with BM gifts. I've been in four weddings, and I only got jewelry to wear from the bride for one of them.

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