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Future father-in-law issue!

AlisonM304AlisonM304 member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
So, I didn't really know where to post this, as I'm assuming most FFIL's aren't much of an issue, but mine is starting to be. Here's the deal:
My fiance and I have been together for 3 years (we are recently engaged). It is a long distance relationship right now and his parents are both remarried and he lives in the same area as his dad and step-mom.  Every time I visit him, I make dinner for him, his father, his step-mom, and occasionally his step-sister comes with. Now, this wouldn't be that bad. I get along well with all of them. However, each time we do this, someone (usually Dad), ends up bringing up my fiance's previous sex life. This is very uncomfortable, not to mention not normal dinner conversation. I understand that he had a life before he met me, but that doesn't mean I want it thrown in my face.  Last night, I had it (because of a different situation), and I told him that I am really uncomfortable when this happened. This is how the conversation went:
Me: You know, Dad has brought up on at least 4 different dinner occasions your previous conquests. It is making me uncomfortable.
Him: Well, I can't really control what my father says.
Me: Well, it's making me uncomfortable.
Him: Well, okay.
Me: How would you feel if every time we had dinner with my parents, my dad brought up all two of my previous boyfriends?
Him: You've brought up your previous boyfriends before.
Me: And you've brought up your previous girlfriends.
Him: I don't really know what the problems is.
Then he changed the subject. I understand that he has no control over what his dad says, but I just don't really know what to do or say. Help.
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Re: Future father-in-law issue!

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    jrkslejrksle member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow. That's a difficult situation to be in.  And I thought my FFIL was being difficult.

    My FI always tells me that he doesn't get subtle hints. You may just need to be more direct with him.  Instead of just "that makes me uncomfortable". How about "That makes me uncomfortable. Could you please help redirect the conversation the next time that happens?"
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    stephweinsteinstephweinstein
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm with JRKSLE, men don't understand subtle hints.  Tell him exactly what you need from him.  You're way more likely to get what you want.
    BabyFruit Ticker If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. Even if we're apart i'll always be with you. - A.A. Milne
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    JoyTate1JoyTate1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My Fiance and I had it the other way.  My parents still have my High School boyfriend around (he is their pool boy and tech guy), whom I dated 4 1/2 years  (but have been apart from for a good 5 years now).  It obviously makes My FI very uncomfortable.  I had a talk with my parents about it, and they understood and never bring him up around us and make sure he is never there when we are.

    He can't control his parents but he can sit down and explain it makes you uncomfortable. 

    Also, it is one thing for you all to discuss your past relationships in the spirit of openness and honesty and quite another for his family to still talk about it. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    melissamc2melissamc2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's not only ridiculous, it's disrespectful.  He may not be able to "control" what his Dad says, but he CAN control how HE handles it.  Right now it's sounds like he ISN'T handling it at all.

    I know I'm probably a bit more upfront than some, but I'd likely just say "Yes, yes, I'm sure she was wonderful and I'm glad we can discuss his previous women at family dinners.  I'd discuss the many men I've made ejaculate over the years, but it's only a three course meal and we've all got to get up early in the morning.  By the way, what was it your son was telling me you loved doing to your ex wife's nipples?  I'm sure your current wife would love to hear the details!"   ;)
    10-10-10
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    AlisonM304AlisonM304 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-father-law-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2320251-2196-48f4-a1da-edd1ee0860c9Post:3aac19f6-4fcd-4493-b16b-1e06bd4caf50">Re: Future father-in-law issue!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know I'm probably a bit more upfront than some, but I'd likely just say "Yes, yes, I'm sure she was wonderful and I'm glad we can discuss his previous women at family dinners.  I'd discuss the many men I've made ejaculate over the years, but it's only a three course meal and we've all got to get up early in the morning.  By the way, what was it your son was telling me you loved doing to your ex wife's nipples?  I'm sure your current wife would love to hear the details!"   ;)
    Posted by melissamc2[/QUOTE]

    :D That made me laugh.

    And thank you all for your responses. It'm a very shy person and I like to keep my private life just that, private. I'll have a talk with the FI to see if he can speak to his dad about not bringing it up anymore.
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    tommyandytommyandy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The best response might be:  Yes, I know.  Obviously they sucked or he wouldn't be with me.


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