Wedding Gifts Etiquette

Re: Wedding Gifts Etiquette

• number55

  

  April 2010

  You will not get an answer that you will like here. I know what you want to hear but I can guarantee that you will not hear it here, or on pretty much any other board on TK.  You can do whatever you want to do but nobody here will tell you that it is appropriate to ask for money or will help you figure out a 'polite' way to ask for money because there isn't any polite way. Make a small registry. 

  
  Planning / Married / TTD /

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• fryks member

  

  April 2010

  I think that's a great idea--for your friends and other young people attending your wedding. They know you and your situation. They'd probably be happy to give you what you need most. However, it's considered gauche to ask for cash, even on a website. Have your bridal party and your parents quietly spread it around to guests that cash would be most helpful for your upcoming relocation.
  
  Remember that your elderly or more traditional relatives will just plain want  to get you a physical gift. I would mention on your website that you're moving very soon and would prefer that all physical gifts be directed to another location, maybe your parents, for safekeeping. Remember to register for some physical gifts or you'll end up with 8 toasters and a very ugly platter with roosters on it.
  
  Something you might register for would be a wine club membership: Williams-Sonoma and Bully Hill Vineyard both have great ones that will ship you wines one month at a time. This way, you don't have to cart the gift around. Just call the wine club and notify them that your address has changed. Easy as pie.
  
  Good luck with the move! I'm moving 1800 miles next week to finally live with my FH (it's been 8.5 years). Moving can be insane and hectic! If you do receive cash gifts, think about hiring a moving service--they take the stress away and all your things are insured against damage. (Also, it gives you something specific to mention in the Thank You card.)
  

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• ejoyce8 member

  

  April 2010

  I agree with Brie. I have moved soo much in my life and nothing has ever really been damaged.  Just do a small registry and mention that you are also saving for a house and direct all gifts to your parent's or his.
  
  

  bethandanthony.weebly.com

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• timanddani

  

  April 2010

  Thanks guys! I think we'll just say we don't need anything because we are moving and if someone wants to give us pots and pans after reading that, well, we can only be thankful.
  
  In my country (I am not American) it is actually rude not to give money to the newlyweds (even if you get them a present), so I thought the website idea would be an acceptable blend of the two cultures but I guess I was wrong. Thanks for pointing that out! I don't know most of the people coming to our wedding as 90% are relatives of my husband, so it is very helpful to hear about their point of view
  
  P.S.: We can't afford to hire movers, we have no one to help us, and we both work overtime with no vacation available for the moving because of the wedding, so I cannot agree with those of you that were fortunate to have these things that moving is not that hard.

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• meisia316

  

  April 2010

  Hi there! We have the same problem, as we will be married in our early 30's and have pretty much everything we need. Realistically, what a 30's-ish couple really needs is help with big ticket items  - like for us,  paying our grad school loans off!!!
  
  But because people do think it's tacky and rude to just ask for money, II suggest a very small wedding registry. I think that's what my fiancee and I are planning too and I'm sure there are some things you will need anyway and some fun things too!
  

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• janedoe1113a member

  

  April 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-gifts-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bbcdd15a-2876-4420-a192-4ba3e662fac9Post:87380f50-9ab3-475a-931c-bcad9bfae603">Re: Wedding Gifts Etiquette</a>:
  [QUOTE]P.S.: We can't afford to hire movers, we have no one to help us, and we both work overtime with no vacation available for the moving because of the wedding, so I cannot agree with those of you that were fortunate to have these things that moving is not that hard.
  Posted by timanddani[/QUOTE]
  
  We don't have any of those things and we've always moved ourselves.  Yea, it's more effort, but it's not that hard.  Rent a moving truck for a day, put on some ratty clothes, and move it all yourself.

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• hljanes member

  

  April 2010

  I suggest a small registry to prevent getting things you really don't want - and it will also make it easier to return things.  Register for things that can replace things you already have.  Particularly if things are shipped directly to you, they'll be prepacked, ready to be moved and protected against the jostling of the moving process.
  
  I've always found bubble wrap, towels and lots of newspaper quite useful in moving.
  

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• *BeachBride0410* member

  

  April 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-gifts-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bbcdd15a-2876-4420-a192-4ba3e662fac9Post:08d45ac6-4b79-454b-b500-1bdcbd5c305d">Wedding Gifts Etiquette</a>:
  [QUOTE]We are one of these attrocious couples that only want money as wedding gifts. In fact that's all we could take because we are moving a few days after the wedding as our rent agreement is up and then we could be moving again soon after because I am graduating in May and we will need to go where the job market takes me. Last time we moved we needed the biggest size <strong>U-haul truck</strong> and a lot of our stuff got damaged. I would feel horrible returning or donating the gifts that our friends and relatives picked with love and care, but this is what we will have to do with any non-monetarygifts because we already have boxes laying in the living room that don't fit in the closets. So I am wondering about a nice way to word that on our website. One option would be to explain the situation and say we would not like any gifts without mentioning money at all. The other idea we have, because we want to stop the moving insanity and save for a house, is to have a picture of a house instead of a registry, openly say that we are saving for it, and have people print out certificates for different components of the house, which they could bring to the wedding with the corresponding amount of cash (such as "a bag of bricks" - $25, "window" - $50, "cement" - any amount they want to enter, etc.) The latter sounds like a creative idea but I don't want to give the impression that we are greedy. I would truly be happier if someone brought us nothing but good wishes than if they gifted us a thing we need to dispose of. What are your thoughts?
  Posted by timanddani[/QUOTE]
  
  That was  your 1st mistake....using a crappy truck

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• Beachy730 member

  

  April 2010

  We are in a similar situation.  We will be moving across the country (from New York to Washington State) within a month of getting married.  FI has an apartment thats pretty full.  And while I still live with my parents, I have overfilled my hope chest, closet, under my bed, and basement with purchases I have made over the years.  While FI has bought cheaper stuff, my kitchen stuff is almost all Pampered Chef since a family member sold it.  So we were really hoping to do a cash shower and cash wedding.  But it is tacky, and as much as I like the idea, I wouldn't want to be told i had to give someone cash.  We did a registry at Target, and surprisingly found lots more than I would have thought.  We also picked fun stuff that we would never pay for ourselves.  Many people know our situation, and will give us cash or giftcards anyways.  And really, if it comes down to it we could return stuff and get giftcards to Target. 
  We are not adding stuff to the registry after the shower though.  I guess maybe its typical in our area, but most people at weddings here give money anyways.  So if I were you, I would skip putting it on the website, and just have people mention it through word of mouth if asked.  I already had an aunt from out of town ask what we wanted as a gift, and I mentioned that we had a registry for some stuff, but as far as big items we wouldn't know what we needed until we got bought our house (like appliances).  She asked me if it was ok to just give money then, or if I thought that was tacky. 
  Another idea if you really don't want any gifts- register at Bed Bath & Beyond and do a small registry.  They give you cash for your returns, and a small registry will help people get the idea.

  

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• arichards86 member

  

  April 2010

  We are in the same situation, We live in Flordia, but all of our family and friends are back home in Iowa. if you are moving so close after your wedding you can register anywhere and then pick it up where you live, your guest go pick out the gift they want to get you and then the store gives them a reciept or validation of what they bought then you go get it when you get to you new home....

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• timanddani

  

  April 2010

  Great suggestions, everyone! I can't thank you enough

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• mica178 member

  

  April 2010

  I'm not condoning this per se, but I've heard of people returning their gifts to C&B, WS or Macy's, getting the store credit, then re-purchasing all the stuff after they move.

  **Bio**

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