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Wedding Etiquette Forum
btietjen
member
Newborn baby at wedding???
I made it clear from the beginning of my planning that I did NOT want children at my wedding. My fiance's sister was supposed to be a BM but got pregnant and is due in the next few days/weeks. The wedding is in 25 days and she wants to bring the baby. I don't know how to tell her she can't or if it's even ok to tell her that. I have other guest with new babies and they don't intend on bringing theirs. Thoughts...
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Re: Newborn baby at wedding???
Many breastfeeding mothers cannot leave their children with a sitter, as would be the case with older children. Suggesting that she can "just pump" and leave the baby at home is an ignorant suggestion on the part of the person making it, for several reasons. 1) many women can't pump, period. 2) unless you have an overactive supply, one cannot pump enough in a pumping session to cover one feeding. 3) if a mother is actively breastfeeding, she would need to either nurse or pump when the baby is supposed to be feeding. It's much less PC for mom to hook her boobs up to a pump in the middle of a reception than it is to nurse a baby.
There are usually two reasons that people site for not inviting babies, and they both tend to be non-issues.
1) the baby will disrupt the ceremony. In many cases, it's older children that are more at risk of disrupting a ceremony. Sure, babies cry, but they also sleep 80% of the day. If a baby does start to cry, many parents have the sense to remove them from the situation.
2) other guests will be offended if they see the baby there, but had to make other arrangements for their own kids. Guests that have children of their own should understand why a breastfeeding infant would be an exception.
Sure, you can hold fast to the "no kids" rule, but new mothers may not be able to attend. On top of that, you risk causing MAJOR drama with your future family in law. Is that the way that you want to start off your marriage?
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[QUOTE]I made it clear from the beginning of my planning that I did NOT want children at my wedding. My fiance's sister was supposed to be a BM but got pregnant and is due in the next few days/weeks. The wedding is in 25 days and she wants to bring the baby. I don't know how to tell her she can't or if it's even ok to tell her that. I have other guest with new babies and they don't intend on bringing theirs. Thoughts...
Posted by btietjen[/QUOTE]
To be fair, if I was your FSIL, I wouldn't bring my newborn baby to the wedding, not out of concern for your feelings, but for the baby's health. A <1 month old infant + lots of people = a high risk of exposure to germs.
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HOWEVER, is that really how you want to start your marriage and become part of this family? As the woman who said her SIL can't attend because she can't leave her newborn? That would go over like a lead balloon.
[QUOTE]There's a lot more dramz to the whole situation which makes me want to say no way to the baby. But the whole food supply thing is a definite issue. I just feel like if it was my baby I wouldn't bring it or I wouldn't go. It's flu season, loud music, cigar smoking, and all around not a baby sort of place.
Posted by btietjen[/QUOTE]
Your concerns are quite valid, however, saying "no way" to the baby because of "dramz" between you and FSIL is childish. Perhaps you may want to point out your concerns to the soon-to-be mama, and let her make her own decision on how to raise her child.
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[QUOTE]There's a lot more dramz to the whole situation which makes me want to say no way to the baby. But the whole food supply thing is a definite issue. I just feel like if it was my baby I wouldn't bring it or I wouldn't go. It's flu season, loud music, cigar smoking, and all around not a baby sort of place.
Posted by btietjen[/QUOTE]
That is the parents' choice to make, not yours. If your brother & his wife are willing to take the risk of exposing their newborn to potential germs that is their choice.
As for family situations, there is always drama involved. The best way to keep the peace is to be the bigger person and not say anything to her about bringing or not bringing the baby. When exactly is her due date? Your original post said few days/weeks which is very broad. Babies come when they're ready. If your SILs due date is not for another 2-3 weeks there's a chance that the baby won't even be here by the time the wedding gets here. Your SIL may just decide on her own to bring the baby to the ceremony and then head home, skipping the reception altogether.
[QUOTE]Yeah, at the under one month age, I dont know what I'd do. But at that age, <strong>if my brother's FI told me that my baby wasn't welcome there, I'd give my brother a big hug before I told him that I'm sorry I was going to miss his wedding</strong>.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
I'd give him a big hug and tell him I was sorry he was getting married to such a bitch. :P
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newborn baby at wedding??? : He agrees... so I'm not really the bitch. Neither of us have said anything because it is such a delicate situation; and we obviously don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It's just all around a bad situation.
Posted by btietjen[/QUOTE]
It was a joke. Hence, the :P <---- face.
That being said, I would be the bigger person and allow her (and your other friends with infants) to bring the babies if they need/want to. Perhaps your venue can arrange for a quiet, comfortable place for her and other mommys to take the infants to nurse, out of the way of the main reception area. It's really best for you if you take the high road on this one.
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My point is.... let the parents make the decision about what's best for them and theiir child.
Kyle's went to his aunt's wedding when he was a month old. Like your FSIL, his mom was in the wedding party. There's pictures of him being passed between his parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents and he is asleep in every single one of them.
If you're asking a mother who is less than a month post partum to leave her baby at home, you're setting up the risk that she won't come. If she is breastfeeding, you are basically making her back out.
And fwiw, my baby was quieter than the 1 and 2 year olds that were at DH's cousin's wedding a few weeks ago.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
My goal is to use the office to pump for Chiquitabanana when I go back to work and do so for the year I'm allowed. Then I'll probably have a morning/evening nursing routine only.
I'm usually fine with people having adult-only weddings, but when it is a brand new baby, and it is immediate family, you need to be more flexible.
I will have a 6-week-old baby at the time of one of my best friend's wedding. She knew upfront that baby would need to come with me or I would not be able to attend. She's actually thrilled that she will be able to meet the baby, and she would never want me to miss her wedding in order to preserve a no-kids wedding. FWIW, the only other children who will be present will be those in the wedding party. My 2 older kids will be left at home with their grandparents.
Kate ~ Mommy to Matthew 3/29/07 & Kylie 12/30/08 & Chase 3/31/11
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!