July 2013 Weddings
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Vent: NEVER have been more embarrassed

…in my whole life!

I am sorry, just need to vent. I love the man I am about to marry, but sometimes, I wish he would trust me more of my insights.

I am looking for photographers and it was been the second touch thing on my list (#1. Church as non-members).  After selecting 4 that were awesome to good quality and in our price range, I was ready to interview. But my FI had one last inquiry: the possibility of purchasing the photo rights to the entire wedding. No, an agreement to copy/print release was not enough. Of course, we had an argument as I felt it was rude and disrespectful to ask a photographer to “sell” their work and passion. Due to his future profession, FI sees it as a procedural and “fair game” question. Trying to be a good future wife, I sent the email the next morning. I felt so embarrassed and even more scared photographers would choose not to work with us.  I was somewhat right. I received responses no earlier than 27 hours or so after my email; a surprise from a few who had replied to me within 2- 10 hours of my initial inquiry. One was forgiving and unoffended. Another is confused and has not replied my second email to clarify. Two others requested follow-up emails: My top choice did not answer my call or my emails until 2 days later. Much to my regret, this vendor wrote me a 5-paragraph email which ended with informing me our inquiry to be clients was dropped. Another has yet to respond.

The email from my former top choice made me want to cry. Not because the photographer was rude, but because I felt I hurt or angrier and I know offended someone who had been so nice to me.  I know things happen for a reason; maybe God did not want us to have this vendor as a part of our day. Yet, I’m stressed this is going to happen again. I don’t know how it could, but I could see it. I’m not sure what I should do other than pray for my FI to trust me more of my insights. I want my FI and I to plan the wedding together, but 15 months out, I’m already stressed… Does this type of the thing happen a lot?

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Re: Vent: NEVER have been more embarrassed

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    I don't think that's a rude question at all!! In fact, most photographers I looked at include that in their package pricing (for the pricier packages). Most places will give you all of the images on CDs as having rights to all of the photos. I know a couple of people where that wasn't included and they didn't get to see all of their pictures; just the ones that the photographer thought were the better of the bunch. I've also heard stories about where people had to pay extra to get their pictures printed because they didn't get discs of their pictures....maybe it's different in MA than it is in Indiana, but when I was looking, it was something that was openly discussed!

    I do understand why you were embarrassed. My FI is all about talking down prices, which is super embarrassing...oooooh mennnnnnn.....
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    At first I thought you just meant printing rights, which I agree with PP is a pretty common thing nowadays.  That is one of the things I am looking for when finding a photographer because I want to save money by printing pictures myself and I also want to have a back-up in case anything should ever happen to my album.

    Then I read your post again, and am now assuming that your FI is asking for all the rights for the pictures?  As in, the photographer will now longer own them nor be able to use them in portfolios/websites/awards, etc.?  Please correct me if I'm wrong.  But if that's the case, I can see where the photographer would have difficulty with this.

    However, I can't believe that a photographer just up and dropped you from their list of prospective clients just for asking.  Not saying that they had to agree to it, but as long as you weren't demanding that they sell you the rights to their photos (which I don't think you did!) then they should have just given their opinion and moved on.  Sorry that happened, but I am sure you will find a photographer that you love and will be willing to at least respectively hear you out, even if they disagree.

    Good luck!
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    keyaira04keyaira04 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited March 2012
    No, you are right; He was asking for the rights. All the photogs I'm looking at offer the print release; the right for me to print pictures. My FI wants the copyrights to the wedding, however. He does not want the photogs to post the pictures for promotions (websites, flyersect.). But now after a few days to think about it, I AM a little hurt that the person dropped us just for asking this question, even when I saw their point and why they would be upset. 

    Since then, my FI and I talked and something happened that put life back into perceptive. I know we will find a good photog and get the pics we want. I just had to start all over again. Due to this, I have fallen in love with a photog who gets great reviews in the area and is willing to work with my budget. In fact, the person is friends with one of our GM! 

    We will still interview 2-4 photogs, but this time the question about the rights will be face to face and approached in a concern that we as a private people want to have a private wedding. I do not mind my image being featured, so many we can talk about this being an alternative. Hopefully, this approach will yield a positive result where something can be worked out. Everything happens for a reason....
    Daisypath Wedding tickers LilySlim Fitness goals tickers
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