New Jersey

Seriously?!? No Gift?!?

2

Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?

  • sgdc2011sgdc2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:96d2a93a-f39b-4c75-a57c-4ea6e2b60ee3">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : I do the same thing.  Oh and heere's a little story: so we got a wedding card that had nothing in it, not just no gift but no writing either.  We felt bad if somone had meant to give it and wouldn't receive a thank you note because we had no idea who it was from.  We sent text messages and email to the people who hadn't given anything to see if it belonged to anyone.  No one said it was theirs, but it did serve as a nice "reminder" to a few that they hadn't given anything.
    Posted by kristen8040[/QUOTE]


    I'm glad I'm not the only one that keeps notes.  I had one person not give a gift, and I knew they would so I thought I lost it, turns out she forgot to bring it and sent it in the mail.  The spreadsheet is really good for thank you cards too.
  • HCrimson08HCrimson08 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    When was your wedding? You are given a year to give a gift. I have not given a friend a wedding gift yet, I am not feeling bad about it. I gave her a very generous shower gift. She will get it soon when we go out for drinks.
  • ChobotChobot member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:53ffaa04-3b49-4306-9ad3-9b30627b3a43">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I plan on standing by the entrance to my venue to collect everyone's cards/gifts and then immediately send my husband to the bank. (Obviously kidding.... maybe..)
    Posted by k8888[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Hahaha. It's funny because it is true and a little evil.lol</div>
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:a6d01b75-1fa7-4ce9-b04d-6ee2ee4a3760">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : I don't think so.  I typically give $300 for DH and I.  However, if I am given a $200 gift from someone, that's what I give them back.  I don't consider that being shafted if that's what they gave me.  As for sending the tab- I could do the same, so therefore, that comment is silly.
    Posted by sgdc2011[/QUOTE]
    I do the same exact thing, and so do my parents, my extended family, etc. I started this when I was a bridesmaid a few times, especially for two sisters, so I could remember what I gave each of them and make sure I gave the same thing to the other sister.. and they reciprocated when it came time for my wedding.

    And as for the woman that came to our wedding and gave nothing, if there was ever an event that my parents were invited to for her (in the future), they simply wouldn't attend.

    Also, if for some reason I couldn't give the gift on the day of the wedding, I would most certainly say something to the bride & groom, so they weren't left wondering if they'd ever receive a gift from me, within the year it is supposedly ok to wait to give the gift (which by the way, I never even heard of that "rule" until I joined TK).. And I'd STILL give a card at the wedding regardless.
  • kristen8040kristen8040 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:f3ef0426-5710-4a9a-950c-3da8684b233d">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : I'm glad I'm not the only one that keeps notes.  I had one person not give a gift, and I knew they would so I thought I lost it, turns out she forgot to bring it and sent it in the mail.  The spreadsheet is really good for thank you cards too.
    Posted by sgdc2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly, and my parent's requested it also so when they go to my friends' weddings, they can see what my friends' parents gave me at ours.  </div>
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  • edited December 2011
    I suppose it's nice that some of you are upfront about your stringent standards for gifts and your judgmental attitudes.

    One of my mom's friends gave us $1,000. So by the logic presented in this thread, if she ever marries her boyfriend, we owe her $1,000. Guess we should start saving. Or, you know, not spending the money she gave us, in case she gets married someday.

    And didn't we go over this before?
    http://northjersey.weddings.com/sites/weddings/pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_give
  • GiaspoGiaspo member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I have a spreadsheet too to help keep track of the gifts. I was most worried about the guests who didn't give a gift and didn't say anything either, as we thought we'd had lost their cards. Since then, most have acknowledged it, and we got gifts from some. One non-gift giver did the same thing at my shower and finances are not an issue. You just have to move on (and not forget -lol). What bugged us more were the guests who just didn't show up to the wedding. I understand family emergencies, etc. but to just not show?
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:c949f018-192f-4eb1-af99-f6c19fa7576c">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So if you have 200 guests at your wedding, and none of them gives you a gift, you mean to tell me that you'd feel their presence was enough? I just don't buy that.
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

     We did not register anywhere for gifts and when people asked us what to get we told them they didn't need to get anything for us. Yes, some of our guests gave us gifts or cards and some didn't give us anything. We were having a wedding to celebrate with everyone, not to have people give us gifts. So yes, if 200 people came to my wedding and didn't give me anything, I would be happy with the fact that they came. And they would still get a thank you card.

    But thats just me.
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:bcf76e43-338d-457a-a7b9-2944ba8593a7">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a spreadsheet too to help keep track of the gifts. I was most worried about the guests who didn't give a gift and didn't say anything either, as we thought we'd had lost their cards. Since then, most have acknowledged it, and we got gifts from some. One non-gift giver did the same thing at my shower and finances are not an issue. You just have to move on (and not forget -lol). What bugged us more were the guests who just didn't show up to the wedding. I understand family emergencies, etc. but to just not show?
    Posted by Giaspo[/QUOTE]
    We had the same thing happen.. 3 people didn't come..one got stuck on a business trip but his wife still came, another's kids were sick, so he stayed home with the kids and the wife came. But the third was the wife of one of our groomsmen.. When we noticed she wasn't at the cocktail hour we asked him where she was, and he said that she wasn't feeling well, and wasn't sure if she was going to make it. We never heard another thing about it, she never said anything to us about it afterwards (and DH has talked to her since then), it was just really odd.
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:4bf08662-ac30-4acc-8b33-aed810a669f4">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I suppose it's nice that some of you are upfront about your stringent standards for gifts and your judgmental attitudes. One of my mom's friends gave us $1,000. So by the logic presented in this thread, if she ever marries her boyfriend, we owe her $1,000. Guess we should start saving. Or, you know, not spending the money she gave us, in case she gets married someday. And didn't we go over this before? <a href="http://northjersey.weddings.com/sites/weddings/pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_give" rel='nofollow'>http://northjersey.weddings.com/sites/weddings/pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_give</a>
    Posted by 37 Butter Knives[/QUOTE]
    It is not about stringent standards.. but I'm not going to go out of my way to give what I think is appropriate to at least "cover my plate" if that person didn't give me a wedding gift at all (especially if they acted like they were going to give a gift or said something about it, and then just never bothered, or were lying). If I were rich and money wasn't a problem, then maybe I'd feel differently about that, but you get what you give, in my opinion.

    As for the $1000, that is clearly a VERY generous gift, and of course I'm sure that person wouldn't expect you to give that to them in return. In NJ, or at least in this area, it is very common for people to try to cover their plate when attending their wedding. And then there are those few people, some of them here, who don't believe in that, and those are the people who put $10 in a card for two guests.. and those people will get squat from me in the future.
  • kristen8040kristen8040 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:4bf08662-ac30-4acc-8b33-aed810a669f4">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I suppose it's nice that some of you are upfront about your stringent standards for gifts and your judgmental attitudes. One of my mom's friends gave us $1,000. So by the logic presented in this thread, if she ever marries her boyfriend, we owe her $1,000. Guess we should start saving. Or, you know, not spending the money she gave us, in case she gets married someday. And didn't we go over this before? <a href="http://northjersey.weddings.com/sites/weddings/pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_give" rel='nofollow'>http://northjersey.weddings.com/sites/weddings/pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_give</a>
    Posted by 37 Butter Knives[/QUOTE]

    <div>My brother and his FI gave us a large gift, and yes I plan on giving the same thing when they get married next summer.  It is much more than I would ever give most people as a gift but it's the right thing to do.</div>
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://northjersey.weddings.com/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:df35f6a9-8839-4252-a44a-893a607a5831">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : My brother and his FI gave us a large gift, and yes I plan on giving the same thing when they get married next summer.  It is much more than I would ever give most people as a gift but it's the right thing to do.
    Posted by kristen8040[/QUOTE]

    I can't argue with that. He's your brother. My mom's friend is a wonderful and big-hearted woman. But she's my mom's friend - not mine.

    Then again, I tend to believe that the value of a gift should hinge on how close you are to the person you're giving it to, and not on what some local social standard (not etiquette!) apparently dictates. While there are times I question etiquette, I do agree with its point that a wedding is not a gift grab, and no one should feel like they have to pay admission for a wedding or party. I really believe that a couple of people we invited declined because they felt they couldn't afford to attend (i.e., give us at least $100). That makes me sad.

    You know what? My sister, who was my maid of honor, didn't give me a wedding gift per se. But she did so much and spent so much on my shower gift and bachelorette party that this apparent slight doesn't matter to me.
  • edited December 2011
    If you're going to keep track of exactly how much someone gave you just to ensure you give them the exact same amount back - what's the point?  It's a wash.  You just exchanged the same amount of money back and forth.  I'm of the opinion that you give what you can/think is appropriate - I'm not playing games where I give $150 to the couple who gave me $150 and I give $500 to the couple who gave me $500.  That is just so petty to me - don't your friends/family deserve the gift you want to give them regardless of what they could afford/decided to give you?!
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:1cd168ce-0c95-437c-bb2d-4863c8690219">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you're going to keep track of exactly how much someone gave you just to ensure you give them the exact same amount back - what's the point?  It's a wash.  You just exchanged the same amount of money back and forth.  I'm of the opinion that you give what you can/think is appropriate - I'm not playing games where I give $150 to the couple who gave me $150 and I give $500 to the couple who gave me $500.  That is just so petty to me - don't your friends/family deserve the gift you want to give them regardless of what they could afford/decided to give you?!
    Posted by eleven29[/QUOTE]
    I'm not going to count pennies with the spreadsheet... I normally give a certain amount for me and DH when we attend a wedding, based on how close we are with the couple. Now, if that couple gave us $25 less (for example)for our wedding, than what I'd normally give, I'd still give the usual amount to them. But if  they didn't give us any gift at all, or they gave MUCH less than what I'd normally give, then I'd be a little less generous with my gift in return.

    If we attend my cousin's wedding and give $300, and his sister gets married the following year, I'd make sure that I gave her the same exact amount. IMO, it wouldn't look right if we gave one sibling more than the other, and it comes across as kind of rude. That goes across the family, and people talk. That's part of the reason why I keep track.

    And it works the other way too.. if a friend of ours gave us $500 for a wedding gift (which is more than we'd usually give), I'd want to remember that if they were to get married, so we can try to give more than we'd usually give.. to at least try and reciprocate, even if we can't match it exactly. I'd feel rude only giving them $100 for example, even if that's what WE thought was appropriate, after they had already given us such a generous gift.  So what if its a wash in the end.. the wedding isn't supposed to be about gifts anyway, right? If I was being greedy with wanting gifts, then I wouldn't be trying to make sure I match those gifts in return.

    I did have one guest who declined the invite, and after the wedding, she told me she didn't attend because she didn't have the funds to give what SHE thought was an appropriate gift.(and I have no idea what amount that was). Of course I would've rather she had attended, and I told her that. I wish she had just been honest with me from the beginning..
  • sgdc2011sgdc2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:4bf08662-ac30-4acc-8b33-aed810a669f4">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I suppose it's nice that some of you are upfront about your stringent standards for gifts and your judgmental attitudes. One of my mom's friends gave us $1,000. So by the logic presented in this thread, if she ever marries her boyfriend, we owe her $1,000. Guess we should start saving. Or, you know, not spending the money she gave us, in case she gets married someday. And didn't we go over this before? <a href="http://northjersey.weddings.com/sites/weddings/pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_give" rel='nofollow'>http://northjersey.weddings.com/sites/weddings/pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_give</a>
    Posted by 37 Butter Knives[/QUOTE]

    I understand if people can't afford more and take it into consideration.  My mom's friend gave us $1000, and her son and FI gave us $140.  The son just got married, my mom gave them $1000 and we gave her son and $180 gift.  My mom has a lot of friends kids who are getting married, if I didn't keep track of what they gave me, and she gave them a much lower gift than they gave us, that looks crappy.

    Also, DH's cousins gave us $100 for 4 of them.  No way am I going to give them my usual $300 from both of us at her wedding next year. 

    I think I am pretty fair about giving what I got, but it also made me a little upset that at one of my bridesmaids wedding in total I spent about 600 before the wedding and still gave a 300 gift.  She spent much less on my wedding and gave me less of a gift as well.  So, in retrospect, had I known, I wouldn't have given her such a big gift either.

    It's all what you feel is appropriate and your standards. 
  • edited December 2011
    wow...no need to tear each other up.... everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
    i know i would be pissed if someone didn't get me at least a card. if i can't afford to buy someone a gift, i wouldn't go to their wedding because i know my seat cost them a significant amount of money. but that's just my opinion.
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  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:bb74ed30-158a-4d8f-94c1-370a2ed77d42">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : I understand if people can't afford more and take it into consideration.  My mom's friend gave us $1000, and her son and FI gave us $140.  The son just got married, my mom gave them $1000 and we gave her son and $180 gift.  <strong>My mom has a lot of friends kids who are getting married, if I didn't keep track of what they gave me, and she gave them a much lower gift than they gave us, that looks crappy.</strong> Also, DH's cousins gave us $100 for 4 of them.  No way am I going to give them my usual $300 from both of us at her wedding next year.  I think I am pretty fair about giving what I got, but it also made me a little upset that at one of my bridesmaids wedding in total I spent about 600 before the wedding and still gave a 300 gift.  She spent much less on my wedding and gave me less of a gift as well.  So, in retrospect, had I known, I wouldn't have given her such a big gift either. It's all what you feel is appropriate and your standards. 
    Posted by sgdc2011[/QUOTE]

    I agree with 150%... but many people here don't agree with this at all. They feel it shouldn't look crappy because a gift isn't expected or required.

    Friends of mine (two sisters) got married within the last couple years, and my mom gave them X amount of money each for a gift.. After our wedding, my mom asked me how much their mom gave us, to see if she had matched, and she had. And I would guarantee she either asked her daughter's how much my mom gave them, or she kept track of it after their weddings. It definitely wasn't a coincidence that she gave us the same amount.
  • rlavachrlavach member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:a59bef96-69c4-485f-bb00-bec6ddaf05a5">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? :  If we attend my cousin's wedding and give $300, and his sister gets married the following year, I'd make sure that I gave her the same exact amount. IMO, it wouldn't look right if we gave one sibling more than the other, and it comes across as kind of rude. That goes across the family, and people talk. 
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    <div>I kind of understand this point. If you're equally close with two sisters & then give one more than the other, it would seem a little off. But really, why are they talking to each other about how much their guests gave!?! THATS what's rude. </div><div>
    </div><div>The idea of 'covering your plate' is VERY Tri-State. Absolutely no one I know who was raised outside of here has even heard of such a thing. My gifts are based upon how close I am to the individual(s) and my financial state. Case closed.</div><div>
    </div><div>I will keep a spreadsheet of what people gave us, but not exact $ amounts. All I need to know is if they gave money, home goods...whatever, that way I can personalize the thank you. </div>
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:0e03ecc7-8226-4eed-8f04-7d84fc90e361">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : I kind of understand this point. If you're equally close with two sisters & then give one more than the other, it would seem a little off. <strong>But really, why are they talking to each other about how much their guests gave!?! THATS what's rude</strong>.  The idea of 'covering your plate' is VERY Tri-State. Absolutely no one I know who was raised outside of here has even heard of such a thing. My gifts are based upon how close I am to the individual(s) and my financial state. Case closed. I will keep a spreadsheet of what people gave us, but not exact $ amounts. All I need to know is if they gave money, home goods...whatever, that way I can personalize the thank you. 
    Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

    I don't honestly know if they'd actually discuss it between each other, they might, they might not. But there is the possibility, and I don't want to risk looking rude as a result of not giving the same amount to each of them. I think more often is it the PARENTS in the family that ask their kids how much so-and-so gave them.

    I totally understand that this is a tri-state thing.. and at least in my family, nobody gives an actual wedding GIFT, only money is given. Gifts are given at the bridal shower.

    I also wanted to add - what I find a little annoying, is the fact that many people who didn't attend our wedding didn't even send a congratulations card. (but there are many people who didn't attend and DID send a card, and some also sent a gift, which was VERY thoughtful of them). I don't expect them to send gifts (I don't typically send a gift for a wedding I didn't attend), but a card from my first cousin who wasn't able to attend would've been nice. Just to show she is happy for us.. If someone I know has a baby, gets married, or has some other LIFE CHANGING event happen, the least I do is always send a card. I guess everyone just isn't as thoughtful? I don't really buy the excuse that everybody has busy lives because the last time I checked, it only takes 5 minutes to buy a card and mail it.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:ed392be9-88cf-4cdb-af0c-f9b7f1d47447">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I think it is hilarious how the response to this is always "a gift isn't required" or "they have up to a year to bring a gift". But when you get married, and someone doesn't give you a gift or card at the wedding, it stands out like a sore thumb. And why is that, if they aren't expected? Because most people give a gift or at the very least, a card. And yes, this happens to all families and probably at all weddings. I too would NEVER show up to a wedding without a gift (money) and card. I would personally feel extremely rude doing that, but that's just me.</strong> So yes, when one of my dad's Aunts didn't give us a card, it was extremely obvious. We were concerned we may have lost it, because we had a card box that DH was carrying around saying "Its the superbowl trophy!" at the end of the night, LOL! So it was certainly possible it was lost. It turns out, this woman gave a check to my dad's cousin when she got married 35 years ago, and the check bounced, and when she found out, he told them she would send a new check, and she never did. So yeah, she obviously didn't give us a card. I could care less, but in my eyes, it just makes her look rude. (especially when you lie and act like you are going to give a gift and just never do. If you can't afford it, just be honest, or you will look like a jerk).
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]


    this!
    How I unwind? The FI and I watch old TV shows Photobucket 187image 124image 48image 15image RSVP Date March 31 Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Yes this is very tri-state......and this is the NJ message board! I'm with you ladies...me and everyone in my family keep a spreadsheet. And it is ridiculous to come to a wedding empty-handed, not even with a card! Why are these people even coming if they can't thnk of nice wishes to write down to you? I had a friend bring a date to our wedding who she was not dating and didn't dance, and we had an entire group of her friends there, with no gift at all!! And it was overheard that he loved coming to weddings for a free meal.....come on now.
  • keyri06keyri06 member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Woof! too many post to read them all but skimmed & to sum it up: everyone is entitled to their own opinions so why do ppl on these boards take it so personal & attack others? Geez lighten up! LOL.. But glad to know some of you have a sense of humor & arent wound so tightly! Cindyn9178, k8888 & TripleJTobe you gals had me cracking up!!

     Anyway, i think its rude to show up to a wedding empty handed...yeah some ppl sincerely forget, but realistically a lot don't..Umm its 2011 not 1985 money as a wedding gift is expected & its a standard now the same way that bringing wrapped up gifts were back in those days & as others mentioned umm this is the NJ board so it doesnt matter what other ppl's customs are in other parts of the country because we're in NJ & this is how things work, I wouldnt go to Oklahoma & tell them how to do things in their town..

    Yes, times are hard I understand that but honestly I know I'm going to a wedding farrrrr in advanced so I start saving a little here a little there...most engagements are 1 -2 years nowadays so you're telling me you can't save $10 a paycheck? if you get paid bi-wwekly thats $260 in a year

    And last but not least the ppl that say presence is enough! come on thats BS! LOL, you know you would be upset if that happened..either that or your family is loaded & mommy & daddy are paying for your wedding so it's not your money anyway..or you kno that'll never happen to you so it's easy to say it but if it happened, it would be a different story...i hate commenting on controversial post like this but i had to do it cuz overall, this post was entertaining! LOL ok some of you can get mad at me now! byyeeee Sealed
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:168d4783-70be-4ce3-8341-cc2758cb85af">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]And last but not least the ppl that say presence is enough! come on thats BS! LOL, you know you would be upset if that happened..either that or your family is loaded & mommy & daddy are paying for your wedding so it's not your money anyway..or you kno that'll never happen to you so it's easy to say it but if it happened, it would be a different story...
    Posted by keyri06[/QUOTE]
    Oh, for fcuk's sake.

    Can someone please close this thread before Bravo uses it as a recruiting tool for the next generation of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"?
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:be10a539-5150-41da-9f2a-bfa11805b427">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : Oh, for fcuk's sake. Can someone please close this thread before Bravo uses it as a recruiting tool for the next generation of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"?
    Posted by 37 Butter Knives[/QUOTE]

    Or you can respect that people don't have the same opinion as you and that makes the world go round <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:17fbff64-4b4b-44c0-88a6-3509e2268efb">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : Or you can respect that people don't have the same opinion as you and that makes the world go round
    Posted by schrutebeets[/QUOTE]
    LOVE!
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:168d4783-70be-4ce3-8341-cc2758cb85af">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Woof! too many post to read them all but skimmed & to sum it up: everyone is entitled to their own opinions so why do ppl on these boards take it so personal & attack others? Geez lighten up! LOL.. But glad to know some of you have a sense of humor & arent wound so tightly! Cindyn9178, k8888 & TripleJTobe you gals had me cracking up!!  Anyway, i think its rude to show up to a wedding empty handed...yeah some ppl sincerely forget, but realistically a lot don't..Umm its 2011 not 1985 money as a wedding gift is expected & its a standard now the same way that bringing wrapped up gifts were back in those days & as others mentioned umm this is the NJ board so it doesnt matter what other ppl's customs are in other parts of the country because we're in NJ & this is how things work, I wouldnt go to Oklahoma & tell them how to do things in their town.. <strong>Yes, times are hard I understand that but honestly I know I'm going to a wedding farrrrr in advanced so I start saving a little here a little there.</strong>..most engagements are 1 -2 years nowadays so you're telling me you can't save $10 a paycheck? if you get paid bi-wwekly thats $260 in a year And last but not least the ppl that say presence is enough! come on thats BS! LOL, you know you would be upset if that happened..either that or your family is loaded & mommy & daddy are paying for your wedding so it's not your money anyway..or you kno that'll never happen to you so it's easy to say it but if it happened, it would be a different story...i hate commenting on controversial post like this but i had to do it cuz overall, this post was entertaining! LOL ok some of you can get mad at me now! byyeeee 
    Posted by keyri06[/QUOTE]
    I agree 100% with this. If you are close enough to someone to be invited to their wedding, I think this is the respectful thing to do.
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:be10a539-5150-41da-9f2a-bfa11805b427">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : Oh, for fcuk's sake. Can someone please close this thread before Bravo uses it as a recruiting tool for the next generation of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"?
    Posted by 37 Butter Knives[/QUOTE]
    Are you born and raised in NJ? Just curious...
  • lisab711lisab711 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    All I can say is I totally agree...I think it is just rude to not even give a card! Cmon now! Throw something in an envelope and call it a day. At least write a nice note to the couple. We had several people not give a card (or anything) and we were a little hurt by this.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://red.weddings.com/sites/weddings/pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:4239b888-0a77-422c-b890-589732544b1c">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : Are you born and raised in NJ? Just curious...
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    Yes, on both counts.

    It's possible to be from here without expecting that all wedding guests must cover their plates. I realize there are expectations in this area that differ from standard etiquette, but they are just that - expectations.

    If you're throwing a wedding in the hopes of making your money back, you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

    And finally, there's a difference between having a different opinion, and essentially stating that people who aren't bitter about "cheap guests" had "mommy and daddy" pay for their weddings.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:601fd092-51d2-40b5-8cfb-19fed7a34bce">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : Yes, on both counts. It's possible to be from here without expecting that all wedding guests must cover their plates. I realize there are expectations in this area that differ from standard etiquette, but they are just that - expectations. If you're throwing a wedding in the hopes of making your money back, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. And finally, there's a difference between having a different opinion, and essentially stating that people who aren't bitter about "cheap guests" had "mommy and daddy" pay for their weddings.
    Posted by 37 Butter Knives[/QUOTE]

    And there is also a difference in calling people rude and saying a thread should be shut down with the inference that those that disagree with you are spoiled brats. This is an online wedding message board. It's not like OP is listing names or harrassing people for money. She was venting an annoyance many people could relate to, on the internet. Time to step off your high horse, it's annoying.
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