Planning/ranting

alileigh412 · April 2011

Does anyone else HATE wedding planning? Or is it just me?
I always thought that this would be fun and exciting, but it's not. I also always thought I knew what I wanted but now it turns out, not so much... I even changed the date three times already. LOL.
I find the whole experience overwhelming and WAY overpriced. Some days I just want to elope but Vegas is so cliche. Plus, will I be disappointed in 10 years that I never had the big wedding?
I was thinking about hiring a wedding planner but my mother was not thrilled about that, so that's out.
Thank goodness I pushed it out to 2013... hopefully I'll find my wedding mojo between now and then.

peaches178 · April 2011

I don't love it and I don't hate it. Some days it's stressful and some days it's like planning any other family get together. I've just gotten to the point where the only thing that matters is marrying my FI and having a good afterparty with friends and family - everything else is just minor.

alileigh412 · April 2011

I'm super excited to marry FI. He is the most amazing man. I just dont like planning it. It's so annoying! LOL. Is that terrible?
FYI, I voted Hate It... so far, I'm the only hater...
I think I'm going to hire someone, I'll pay for it myself. I think i lost my creativity when I gained a diamond...

Smidger · April 2011

I feel your pain and I think it's natural to have moments where you hate planning. I've definitely had my moments where I've been overwhelmed and hated the whole process and there have been times that I've really enjoyed this time. The enjoyable parts hands down have been the things that me and my fiance did together without anyone else's input. I've also been the bride that got my planning done as quickly as I could because I didn't want to deal with the drama that I knew would and has ensued around my wedding. The best advice I can give is try to do find some pleasure in the process because it is a lot of money and at the end of day it's all being done to celebrate you and your fiance!

In the end your day will be amazing because you'll be married to your FI and that is really all that matters!!!

goaliegirl · April 2011

Honestly, I enjoyed the planning, but refused to let the stress get to me. I am a pretty easy going person, and I didn't care what anybody else thought about anything and if they didn't like it then too bad! I didn't let the wedding planning consume my life either, which I sometimes see people do and those seem to be the people that end up hating it in my circle of friends. When it came to the little details, I figured 90% of the people that are there are not going to notice them anyway so I wasn't going to get stressed.

Looking back, if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't change a single thing!!

cindyn9178 · April 2011

Honestly, I have LOVED every minute of the planning.. I usually love planning parties, and try to find an excuse to have one all the time (and I have thought about being a party planner, but that never happened)..I'm huge on making and using lists every day (at work, at home, etc).. not just for wedding stuff - I mean like every day stuff.. I really enjoy the feeling of crossing something off the list.. so the wedding checklist has been my friend over the past year! I'm a huge "planner" and extremely organized with everything.. so maybe that has made it easier..

For me, all of the little details is what makes the "party" even more special. and looking back, I want us to remember all of the details.. even though many of the guests won't remember them. I want to remember that I made my card box, and it was awesome! I'm not doing all of the little things for our guests.. I'm doing them for us!

I luckily haven't been stressed about anything yet... at least not anything big. TK has helped so much with all of the planning.. I think I'd probably be more stressed if we didn't have over a year long engagement.. I can't imagine planning the wedding in like 6 months for example. Of course I'm super excited to marry FI.. but I think afterwards I will definitely suffer some withdrawal from all of the planning, and I might have to come back here and live vicariously..lol!

hopeful523 · April 2011

I voted hate it as well. Thrilled to be marrying my other half but hate everyones voiced opinions and expectations. I feel that's what is currently causing me to lose my love of wedding planning. Beginning to consider not discussing the wedding planning as much as I can so my FI and I can plan our wedding the way we want it to be to celebrate our love for each other. Sad that so many people can overwhelm a wedding and make it lose sight of the importance of the "party". to celebrate your love for one another and eternal matromony...

NJhousewife22 · April 2011

I voted whatever. There are aspects of it I don't particularly love, but overall I dont love it or hate it. Getting a wedding weekend coordinator really helped take some of the pressure off, so maybe it you mom isn't thrilled with the whole wedding planner idea, she would go for a "weekend assistant" type person?

mbcdefg · April 2011

I voted for whatever.

There were points that were frustrating (prices of things, guests not responding, parents making requests for stuff we didn't want), but for the most part things were fine. MH and I are very laid-back people and we weren't interested in some of the intricate details and "stuff" that a lot of other weddings have.

You can definitely keep things low-stress and inexpensive if you nix the things you really don't want, and learn how to say, "That's good enough" with other things, and spend your money and focus on the things that are really important to you. Not everything has to be perfect ... and no matter how much you plan or how much money you spend, things will never be 100% perfect.

altimat873 · April 2011

I voted hated, except for HM, my sister is the one who researched everything for me and set up all my appts etc. Without her I would have had a backyard wedding or eloped in vegas LOL I am usually very decisive but since wedding planning, I dont even recognize myself. Its def not for me. If I were to do it again I would have a much shorter engagement so I couldnt overthink things.

JerseyML · April 2011

Hate it. I wanted to hire a wedding planner right from the start. Have her plan the whole thing..she just needs to tell me where to stand. But everyone told me planning your wedding is the most fun I'll ever have. These people are sniffing something I'm not because I am 8 months into planning and I am slowly turning gray.

Its going to be a bad ass wedding..but hurry up and bring on the honeymoon..thats what I am most excited about.

gymchick05 · April 2011

I agree, when we first started it was hell, then there were some fun things, and now Im kinda whatever. I am usually laid back and have never once cared about what other people think. Wedding planning has made me 2nd and 3rd guess my decisions on everything, stress over what everyone will think over every decision I make, etc and I hate turning into that person, cause thats not me. I did send my invites out about 2 weeks ago and the response from everyone on how much they loved has helped me relax. They were DIY, so I was in a panic that they wouldnt be perfect or someone would be like, wow this insert is cut a tiny bit crooked. In reality, none of this matters and as long as FI and I show up, love each other, and have a great time, thats really all that matters. So Im excited for it to be done so i can stop being so nerotic and go back to my normal personality. ANyway, try to have fun w/ it and relax, but its a lot easy said then done.

MCRM22011 · April 2011

I personally enjoy it, but I do not like when people interject their opinions. Fi and I are keeping it very low-key for NJ (probably just under 10k), so we are being chill with a lot of things. For example, FMIL asked me twice if I got flowers for the church. I told her no because it is out of our budget (we have to leave them there -- if I could bring in 2 of our centerpieces, I would have done that, but the church doesn't allow it). Well after Fi yelling at her for making me feel bad about it twice, she agreed to pay for the church flowers. That was surprising and we are appreciative.

We also had someone complain that we are not having an open bar (just sangria and wine). Mind you, this is a co-worker. None of our co-workers are invited. My FI put her in her place by asking her who paid for her wedding. She said that her parents paid. My FI pointed out that we are paying for the majority of it and that is what we can afford. She shut her mouth!

Basically, I am trying my best to ignore the people with their opinions on what "needs" to be included in a NJ wedding. If I can manage to do that, I'll feel good and enjoy the planning. But when I let comments like that get to me and I second-guess our budget, that is when I get a little down. Thankfully, FI and I are on the same page and he is there to remind me what matters most, and even some days, I remind him what is important --- that we love each other and that the little details are not important!!

Good luck!

kristen8040 · April 2011

I said hate it, but honestly, that is influenced by my attiutude being a month out from the wedding lol

Kristinathebride · April 2011

I voted Love it! I honestly do

FI is so involved with everything which is so sweet and I just love everything about it! Watch, closer to the wedding I may change my mind, lol.

Pharo47 · April 2011

I love planning things but unfortunately my little lady gets way too stressed so that unfortunately makes me more stressed. I'm more of the budget conscious/spreadsheet person and she's more of a decision based on emotion type of person. It can be a battle sometimes but all in all it's still nice to do things together. If there was no budget, it would be a breeze. But researching quality vendors that fit in a budget can be very time consuming. I'm stressed but I'm not overwhelmed right now. My fiance is overwhelmed at work so everytime I discuss the wedding planning she quickly gets stressed. She doesn't even have time to read my emails with suggestions and pictures but then I get frustrated because I can't pull the trigger on things without her input and consent. LOVE/HATE is probably the best description of the planning when there is a bit of a time crunch. But aren't most things a LOVE/HATE relationship???

cindyn9178 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_planningranting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:a876cf84-9ec8-461c-9366-349593c09b1cPost:80b0886a-7259-4ed0-8d3b-6e4bdfb2df68">Re: Planning/ranting</a>:
[QUOTE]I love planning things but unfortunately my little lady gets way too stressed so that unfortunately makes me more stressed. I'm more of the budget conscious/spreadsheet person and she's more of a decision based on emotion type of person. It can be a battle sometimes but all in all it's still nice to do things together. If there was no budget, it would be a breeze. But researching quality vendors that fit in a budget can be very time consuming. I'm stressed but I'm not overwhelmed right now. My fiance is overwhelmed at work so everytime I discuss the wedding planning she quickly gets stressed. She doesn't even have time to read my emails with suggestions and pictures but then I get frustrated because I can't pull the trigger on things without her input and consent. LOVE/HATE is probably the best description of the planning when there is a bit of a time crunch. But aren't most things a LOVE/HATE relationship???
Posted by Pharo47[/QUOTE]

Sounds like you have the opposite situation as me! FI has been stressed/really busy at work, so I have to pick the right time to talk to him about something wedding related.. 90% of the time he really doesn't care about what I'm asking (like what font he likes, or something silly).. but even when I mention important stuff.. he always says its too early to worry about that... well we're 5 months out now... when is it not too early?? He's the type that likes to wait until the last minute.. i.e. buying Christmas presents the day before.. so he's not exactly used to doing things ahead of time.

Just Jen · April 2011

I hated it. You're not alone.

It's much better just being married ;-)

Little Spitfire · April 2011

I had a lot of fun planning, but I think it's becuase I really like parties and pretty paper details. There were some stressful moments, if you can call trying to find affordable linen rentals in the right shade of purple stressful, but they were really not bad. My DH was pretty involved and helped me when I asked for it, so it was also a really nice bonding experience for us. Not only will we remember the wedding itself fondly, but we'll also remember putting together the OOT bags, picking the band, etc.

While I didn't do any of the detail work to please anyone but myself, we did get a lot of compliments from our guests on how "we thought of everything" and how they felt well taken care of, so I feel that any stress was worth it in the end. We wanted our family and friends to feel that we cared about their comfort.

I think some aspects of planning are inherently stressful, like feeling like you have to please family members, and some are as stressful as you make them, like chosing paper products.

alileigh412 · April 2011

I LOVE every single response! Thank you all so much!

I am totally jealous of those of you who actually enjoy it, but don't feel like a total freak hating it anymore.

Here's the thing, FI wants nothing to do with it. Anytime i mention it, he gets all stressed. He would rather take the money, elope and buy a house.

My mother made us an offer: have a wedding or a down payment. On one of my really bad "I HATE THIS" days, I told her I wanted the money.
Well, that went in one ear and out the other... I guess that is out of the question.

Mom wants her oldest to have a nice wedding. Ok, I get that, but it seems more like she wants to out do her friends children's weddings. That is soooo not me. I am sooo NOT having a super formal, black tie event! I was thinking of a garden party. The person I feel I have to appease the most is my mother, since she is paying for most of it. Please don't get me wrong, my mother is an ANGEL but this wedding business has turned her into a non-angel... LOL.

I really think that since I cannot picture it in my mind, I'm totally lost.
Luckily, since I pushed it out again to 2013, I have YEARS to figure it all out.

Good Luck! You ladies, and guy, are awesome! I really appreciate all the responses!

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