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soooo many friends...

EJH4EVEREJH4EVER member
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So I am blessed with A LOT of friends. All great, all relatively close. I've brainstormed my minimum guest list and it's already at 67. Now I know that people won't necessarily come... but that is a lot of people for my parents to pay for dinner. 

Would it be terribly uncouth to have a smaller reception and then a big friends bash the next day? Do you think they'll feel less-than invited if we do it that way? What if we do invites  & save the dates for that one  too? They'd get out of our long Catholic ceremony :) 
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Re: soooo many friends...

  • kikibabykikibaby member
    5000 Comments
    If you want all your friends there, why don't you consider chipping in some money?
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  • KnittibellKnittibell
    1000 Comments
    Eh, yeah, kind of uncouth. If they're as close to you as you say, they'll want to see you celebrate your marriage, and join you in celebrating after. Can you make cuts elsewhere? Like maybe only have beer and wine instead of a full bar, serve chicken instead of beef, etc?
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  • ExpatPumpkinExpatPumpkin member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I think you'll find it's actually cheaper to consolidate your parties.  One reception will probably be less expensive than a reception plus a party the next day. 

    It looks like all you're focusing on is the price of dinner - but there are other costs that aren't affected by the number of guests you have:  music, photography, decor/flowers (except for centerpieces), etc.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Maybe you and your FI could help pay for the wedding?
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  • georgia_bride09georgia_bride09 member
    5000 Comments
    I agree with pp's. Cover your friends for the wedding, and they can come. A big party after the fact isn't the same.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Plus, if you can't afford them at the actual reception, how will you afford them at a big bash the next day?  I think it's best to just have one ceremony and reception and be done with it.  If your parents have offered to pay for the wedding, just give them your guest list and let them know that if it's too many people, you and your FI will pitch in to cover your friends that you want to invite.
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  • Lisa8888Lisa8888
    500 Comments
    I don't see how you are saving money if you have a party the next day. Your guest list isn't that big. You should have your close friends at your wedding. Perhaps you should kick in for the cost of your wedding.
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  • brilibby4brilibby4 member
    1000 Comments
    [QUOTE]So I am blessed with A LOT of friends. All great, all relatively close. I've brainstormed my minimum guest list and it's already at 67. Now I know that people won't necessarily come... <strong>but that is a lot of people for my parents to pay for dinner. </strong>
    Posted by EJH4EVER[/QUOTE]

    Simple answer- pay for it yourself. (Or at least help pay.)
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  • nhelenenhelene
    1000 Comments
    Have your parents given you a budget?  Find out exactly how much they're comfortable spending, and then figure out how much you're willing to spend yourself.

    My wedding will go over budget because we invited more people than we planned for originally, but we're taking care of the extra.  (And part of the original budget)

    67 is a quite small wedding, too.  I'd rather have a bigger wedding with more casual food than a fancy wedding with fewer people.
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  • EJH4EVEREJH4EVER member
    10 Comments
    We've offered repeatedly to help, but my parents seem like they want to pay themselves--which is lovely, but they probably can't afford all those friends! 

    But you make an excellent point--many costs are fixed. The venue we are considering, however, includes open bar and all other costs as part of a fixed price per head--no additional fees. 

    You're right, though... probably better to just include people or not. UGH... I am not looking forward to the weeding of the list...
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  • EJH4EVEREJH4EVER member
    10 Comments
    That is a good idea... but my parents won't give me a 'budget'... they just said they are going to try to pay for it all themselves, and I'm doing some guesswork!  

    And it's not 67 total people... it's 67 friends on top of all of the family and my fiances friends! 
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  • MattsPenguinMattsPenguin member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    Well give them the list then.  And they should be able to make the decision.  If they decide it's too many people, offer to help pay (again).

    Let them make the decision that it's too many people.
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  • Lisa8888Lisa8888
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_soooo-many-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c16808e-a2b4-4707-8634-f9fc32720f63Post:4bfaae16-74fe-4a97-8e5c-34eb7f33c4e5">Re: soooo many friends...</a>:
    [QUOTE]That is a good idea... but my parents won't give me a 'budget'... they just said they are going to try to pay for it all themselves, and I'm doing some guesswork!   And it's not 67 total people... it's 67 friends on top of all of the family and my fiances friends! 
    Posted by EJH4EVER[/QUOTE]


    Have you discussed the guest list with your parents? Tell them you would like to invite these 67 people which would bring your total head count to whatever. They may say no problem. If that puts them over their planned outlay, it gives you an opportunity to say that you would gladly pay towards the reception. If you are willing to pay, there should be no problem.
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  • EJH4EVEREJH4EVER member
    10 Comments
    Thank you, great advice all of you! 
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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_soooo-many-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c16808e-a2b4-4707-8634-f9fc32720f63Post:120d5f62-ec38-4f34-b4a7-ecd7a41b1331">soooo many friends...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I am blessed with A LOT of friends. All great, all relatively close. I've brainstormed my minimum guest list and it's already at 67. Now I know that people won't necessarily come... but that is a lot of people for my parents to pay for dinner.  Would it be terribly uncouth to have a smaller reception and then a big friends bash the next day? <strong>Do you think they'll feel less-than invited if we do it that way?</strong> What if we do invites  & save the dates for that one  too? They'd get out of our long Catholic ceremony :) 
    Posted by EJH4EVER[/QUOTE]

    Well, yes, since they will be less than invited.  Ask your parents for a budget and plan the wedding around that.  If you want to invite more people than that allows, pay for them yourself.
    Married 10/2/10
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