Pre-nups

wheatney22 · May 2010

Hello ladies,
Hope you all had a blessed weekend.

FI & I have talked about pre-nups. We both own property and I'll be getting a house on my own (selling my current place which is too small) before we get married. We have decided that we should both get pre-nups but I know that this is often frowned upon by most people and especially churches.

How do you feel about a pre-nup? Will you be getting one?

dawnbeatty · May 2010

I don't know how I would feel about this - the topic hasn't come up with us. We both own property seperately as well. We currently live together in his place and I rent mine out to family members.
Sorry I know I wasn't much help at all.

lleavell · May 2010

My fiancé and I both have negative net worths (we're students), so this is really a non-issue for us. I feel like it really depends on your personal situation. Is this something you need to do to make your families happy? Do one or both of you have dependents outside of the marriage that you'll need to provide for in case of its dissolution? How much property is involved? What are your state's community property laws (this is a big one b/c there's a lot of variation)? I'm not asking you to share, but these are some questions to consider.

If the answers to one or more of these questions indicate a real need to get a pre-nup, I think it's fine. However, if you're just doing it because you want to keep all your own stuff if you get divorced, I feel like that's a little more problematic.

Generally, though, I don't see a big problem with pre-nups. I'm a law student, and lots of things in law (especially contracts) deal with how to handle situations that everyone thinks are unlikely and no one wants to happen. You can be prepared for the possibility of divorce while sincerely trusting & believing that it will never happen to you. Also, as a matter of principle, I'm in favor of anything that creates more work for lawyers

Sorry so long. Another law school trait coming out.

katanne9 · May 2010

We're not getting one. I think the only reason I would ever consider getting one is if I was inheirited a large sum of family money.

But I DO understand why others may want them and it doesn't mean you are "preparing for divorce". There are a lot of instances in which you may want one.

iamjoesgurl · May 2010

I was 38 when I got married, owned a home and had a lot in liquid assets. DH did not own a home and had nowhere near as much saved as I do. Neither of us has children and this is the first marriage for both of us.

I've always associated a pre-nup with how we would split our assets upon divorce. I take my vows seriously and really feel like we are married for life. For this reason, it never even crossed my mind.

jacki_sue · May 2010

Like joesgirl, I for some reason also always associate prenups with divorce. Plus, neither of us has any money, so I think we're gravy.

J

missrekaeagle · May 2010

My FI owns property, but I don't. We're not getting a pre-nup because we don't feel like it's necessary. We take our vows seriously and we feel as though when we marry we become one. I don't frown upon anyone who chooses to get a pre-nup because that's a personal choice.

felkels · May 2010

I say if you are both okay with it go for it. I have nothing to offer, nor does he, but my mother just inherited a large amount of money. At one point not knowing I was was not in that will...she informed me that if I got anything that I would have one. I was not so okay with it at the time, but honestly, I try to live my life preping for the worst and expecting the best...it would not bother me as much it does many people, and if it bothered my FH I would want to understand why.

Brashley08 · May 2010

FI and I both dislike the idea of a pre-nup. It's the perfect way of saying "I love you, but I don't trust you." If you don't trust your marriage will work, maybe you shouldn't be getting married. This is just an insurance policy to ensure a quick and easy divorce. That's just us though.

Myroni03 · May 2010

We will be getting a pre-nup. Just graduated law school myself and FI will be graduating culinary school. Plenty of valid reasons for couples to either get a pre-nup or not. My best advice to you about whether you should get one is to talk to a lawyer in your jurisdiction and explain the situation. You and your FI will need to have seperate representation of course.

One of my main reasons for pre-nup is FI is set up to get a reasonable size inheritance and I will likely have a greater earning potential than him. If we divorce (not planning that but being prepared if) I do not want to have to pay alimony.

My theory is "Hope for the best, plan for the worst".

willowprincess · May 2010

i personally don't agree with them just because they are to make sure things are in place in case you divorce. i believe that divorce is wrong and therefore not an option (barring an abusive situation). so why would we need a pre-nup? but that is personal opinion.

CourtneyBC · May 2010

It never crossed FI or my mind. We're both students, starting graduate school this fall, so we both have very little property to our name. Seriously, my most valuable asset is my computer, probably followed by my KitchenAid mixer. His would be his guitars. So, there's really no reason for us to.
I have to admit though, I too have always associated pre-nups with divorce, and the d-word is just not an option in my book. So even if FI and I did own any real property, I don't think we would do a pre-nup.

katieanne85 · May 2010

I personallywould not want to go into a marriage with any thought in my mind of protectig myself from my husband in any way. Marriage is a risk, but if its not worth the risk, dont do it. I personally would not be getting married if I thought I needed one.

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