I have been friends with a girl from work for the past three years. We became very close--we talked all the time and shopped together, had dinner together a few times a week, and went to one another for advice. When I got engaged this past summer, I asked her to be a bridesmaid which she excitedly accepted.
She has always been kind of a high maintenance friend. She has "rules" about respect and how people treat her. At times, it felt like walking on eggshells with her because she can be difficult. I never really had an issue with her, she was always great to me, but there were instances at work with other people where I saw her "rules" start to apply.
About a month ago, she turned on me over a very simple misunderstanding. We had a work Christmas party and it was originally located in a place where it wasnt safe to park and walk alone, so she and I decided we would meet another co-worker at our office and drive together. However, last minute the plan changed and it was at a restaurant down the street from my house. I told them that I would just meet them there instead because it was a safe location and didnt make sense for me to drive back to the office 20 minutes if it was so close. Needless to say, my friend flipped out, saying she didnt want to drive with our other co-worker alone. I apologized, saying I didnt realize and of course I'll drive back, I didnt realize she felt that way. Instead of it ending there, the problem escalated. She said that she accomodated my sister and her boyfriend for our New York Christmas plans and how dare I not accomodate her by driving back. I told her again, I had no problem driving back to the office, I just didnt realize. Needless to say, I didnt want the argument to continue so I told her it was a small misunderstanding and we should just drop it, I would come pick them up.
The next morning at work however, she snuck in and I was on the phone and didnt see her. She immediately texted me (from across the office) to say how disrespectful I am and how hurtful I am that I didnt say hi to her. I told her that I didnt even hear her come in and obviously would have. She went off the handle, telling me how rude I am and how mean I was the day before. I told her that I was not going to handle this in text message, it was ridiculous. I stopped replying to her. Because I stopped answering, she began saying horrible things--that I am cold hearted and selfish and rude and I never do anything for her. I got upset. I reminded her that when her boyfriend left her a few weeks ago, my fiance and I drove to get her, and when her dad kicked her out, I offered her to stay at my house and any time she has wanted to swtich shifts, I have done it. I told her that she has been a good friend as well and I dont understand why she is saying such things.
The fight escalated worse. I had stopped answering her because she was saying terrible things for no reason. She became very unprofessional at work. I didnt want people we work with to know what was going on because we have mutual friends there. However, she started talking loudly, whispering to the woman who she originally didnt want to drive with to the party and everyone at work found out. Several co-workers came to me saying that there have been major issues with her that I was not aware of and she has done this kind of thing to different people.
At the Christmas party, I said hello to her and then went to talk to other people. She texted me and I didnt respond. She wrote that I was being mean not speaking to her and she never wanted to be friends with me again and was not going to be in my wedding. I didnt respond. I thought it was immature be saying such things and especially in texts.
Unfortunately during all of this, I had her for Secret Santa. I got her a gift and gave it to her. She told me she was going to bring it back to me. I told her that when I got her as my SS, I was really excited and to please keep it. My dad found it outside our house the following day.
She then called me on Monday and asked to have dinner. I told her I was working late and not sure what time I would be off (I was working in our other office). I didnt say no, but she immediately flew off the handle saying that I was making things difficult. I told her that I was not doing that but I was still hurt by how she could say things like that to me, take me on such a rollercoaster ride of wanting to be friends, not wanting to be friends, taking herself out of my wedding, and talking about it to our co workers. She said, " I dont understand. When I fight with my other friends, they forgive me." My response was, " Well I dont fight with my friends, that's the difference." She told me I was being immature and hung up on me.
We have not spoken since and she has been trying to sabotage me at work. Obviously this girl is not a good friend or person.
However, I had a friend last year who I used to be very close with. We had lost touch and after I got engaged, we became close again. I didnt originally ask her to be in the BP, even though her bf is the Best Man. Before this entire fight with my friend, I was going to ask this other girl. We were supposed to have dinner so I could and it got cancelled right before.
My fiance wants me to ask her, but I feel bad doing that now. She knows that this girl is no longer in my bridal party and I dont want her feeling like she is a replacement.
Any advice?