Bad wedding advice

NuggetBrain · December 2010

Preferably something that you see on here all the time that you happen to consider bad wedding advice. Mine stems from today's post about the drunk uncle - it is NEVER a good idea to assign one of your guests as the "bouncer of the day". I think "if so and so gets out of line, have one of your guests escort him out" is a horrible idea. It's rude to your guests, puts them in potential danger if said person gets pissed, and opens up all sorts of legal liabilities. If you think there's going to be that kind of problem, hire some professional security, preferably an off-duty cop who's trained in how to deal with people like that without making it worse.

lyndausvi · December 2010

I agree. As a bartender that is my job. I would rather be the bad guy than one of their friends. A friend doing the bouncing is too personal.

jessienjeremy · December 2010

I don't think I have had really any bad advice but I have heard some people tell my friends to be sure and include their registry cards in their invites so they get more gifts. That didn't sit well with me.

LisaChris2011 · December 2010

I've heard lots, including on this board but the one that stuck out was my SIL. She said to have on the invites (or wedding website or somewhere guests will see it): No boxed gifts please.

Obviously implying money only. So rude!

LisaChris2011 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-wedding-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2673b7a2-237f-4606-bc4b-70f2ea3c3147Post:6a434434-89bc-4521-92ac-300ccebb4afc">Bad wedding advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Preferably something that you see on here all the time that you happen to consider bad wedding advice. Mine stems from today's post about the drunk uncle - it is NEVER a good idea to assign one of your guests as the "bouncer of the day". I think "if so and so gets out of line, have one of your guests escort him out" is a horrible idea. It's rude to your guests, puts them in potential danger if said person gets pissed, and opens up all sorts of legal liabilities. If you think there's going to be that kind of problem, hire some professional security, preferably an off-duty cop who's trained in how to deal with people like that without making it worse.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

Great advice. I needed to hear this. Thank you!

Beachy730 · December 2010

I was told since we were moving that I should come up with a cute poem to put in my shower invites and wedding website requesting money. Ummm, no.

SEWF · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-wedding-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2673b7a2-237f-4606-bc4b-70f2ea3c3147Post:6a434434-89bc-4521-92ac-300ccebb4afc">Bad wedding advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Preferably something that you see on here all the time that you happen to consider bad wedding advice. Mine stems from today's post about the drunk uncle - it is NEVER a good idea to assign one of your guests as the "bouncer of the day". I think "if so and so gets out of line, have one of your guests escort him out" is a horrible idea. It's rude to your guests, puts them in potential danger if said person gets pissed, and opens up all sorts of legal liabilities. If you think there's going to be that kind of problem, hire some professional security, preferably an off-duty cop who's trained in how to deal with people like that without making it worse.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>My cousin, who is 11, asked if he could be the "bouncer". He saw Wedding Crashers, and has been on this kick. So I told him he could. I don't expect any problems, obviously, so I had no problem with it. If I did expect trouble, he wouldn't be allowed to do it. Joey is a big kid, though, he could probably handle it. (Seriously. At 11, He's taller than I am, and I've been able to wear his clothes and shoes for 4 years now.)</div>

SEWF · December 2010

The bad advice I've heard was to not worry about the budget. That it would work itself out. Seriously?

Beachy730 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-wedding-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2673b7a2-237f-4606-bc4b-70f2ea3c3147Post:e27635d6-d0c6-4652-a415-9553bf69f2ab">Re: Bad wedding advice</a>:
[QUOTE]The bad advice I've heard was to not worry about the budget. That it would work itself out. Seriously?
Posted by SEWF[/QUOTE]

Yep, my MIL tried this on me. We had definitely over invited and it would have been a bonus if we some declines. We had the budget and space for everyone invited, but it would have just put us at the top of our budget. MIL kept trying to add people to the invites after she found out people from her family declined the invites. Not only did she want me to send out b-list invites, she told me "don't worry about the price, it will all balance out with people declining and people being added." Umm, first of all you aren't contributing a penny to this wedding so don't tell me about balancing out. And second, there is no way in hell I was sending out b-list invites.

baystateapple · December 2010

Our DJ tried to tell us how "cute" a wedding party dance would be. We shot that down immediately. I'm pretty sure none of our WP members (most of whom don't even know each other) would have been cool with that.

Meg1979 · December 2010

I had a guest ask me where my registry information was in the invitation. I told them where we were registered, but I was surprised that they thought it was appropriate to include it in our invitation.

marissa_claire · December 2010

I told my MIL that I was ordering our TY postcards (pic on front) and she was like "I don't get why you're worrying about that now. You have a year to get those out." Not in my book, you don't.

My parents also fell pray to the "they invited us to their daughter's wedding, so..."

akhensley81 · December 2010

When H and I first told my parents that we were getting married, my mom said "You need to make sure you invite these 40 distant cousins because I've sent gifts for all of their childrens' weddings and bar mitzvah's and they owe us."

Thanks mom.

TTiger03 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-wedding-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2673b7a2-237f-4606-bc4b-70f2ea3c3147Post:1b6a615a-bcce-4ad4-a245-9c914a4c3138">Re: Bad wedding advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I actually heard this on an episode of SYTTD...they were saying that you should splurge on your dress and cut things for your guests...like "they don't need to eat" etc. They work on commission, of course they want you to splurge on your dress, I just think it's awful that some brides might actually agree with that advice... I would be pissed if I was a guest and didn't have $5000 worth of food so the bride could wear a $10000 dress.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This makes me ill every time they say it on there. They talk a lot about "you can find SOMETHING to cut... This is your WEDDING DRESS!" I get the commission thing, but seriously!</div><div>For that matter, maybe it's just not my thing, but I don't get how these girls go on there without a budget or say "No more than (ungodly amount)" and are surprised when the consultant says "Got it. (Ungodly amount) is our starting point plus alterations and you will HAVE to have the matching veil and jewelry, etc."</div><div>
</div><div>It's so not ok to have a $10K wedding dress and cake and punch reception.</div>

TTiger03 · December 2010

It's been mentioned over and over but the "we did it at my wedding so it's ok" gets me.

It's one thing to say that on DIY about how a project worked, but to say it's ok to do tiered receptions or something like that is not ok.

One of our friends GF's just told me last week that she couldn't understand how we can invite 200+ to our wedding. She said she doesn't know that many people that she likes enough to feed then told me of this "awesome plan" she came up with to just have people come to the dancing part after she and her family ate.

smokeybailey · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-wedding-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2673b7a2-237f-4606-bc4b-70f2ea3c3147Post:83286e61-10c7-4750-8832-cdcb58aa0ca9">Re: Bad wedding advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Our DJ tried to tell us how "cute" a wedding party dance would be. We shot that down immediately. I'm pretty sure none of our WP members (most of whom don't even know each other) would have been cool with that.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

My FI totally wants to do a dance. I know they are the bane of this board but he loves them. He saw a "single ladies" knock off dance and said, "how cool. are you going to do that?"

I said, "No, but you can."

And, knowing him, he just might.

garcias1 · December 2010

It's YOUR day, so you can be a raging biitch if you want to. Feel free to invite 100 people to your DW and then 200 people to an AHR.

Soon2BeMrsTing · December 2010

When we weren't sure if my little sister who suffers from BPD was going to make it to the ceremony, my mother said to me, "Well, if she doesn't show maybe you can just put your cousin Nicole in the dress and have her stand in for you."

Sorry, Mom. Cousin Nicole is awesome, but I won't be having anyone "stand in" if a BP member doesn't show. For any reason. In fact, because I like Nicole so much, I won't be doing such a crappy thing to her.

PolkaDot24 · December 2010

Vendors keep telling us to push back our cocktail hour, so we don't miss it. They don't seem to get it. We want an awesome cocktail hour so our guests can eat and drink and be comfortable while we snap a few photos. There will be a gap for travel time from the church to the reception location, but that's it. I know some couples fall into this mind frame of "it's my party," but I just don't understand why vendors even suggest it.

NOLAbridealmost · December 2010

Preferably something that you see on here all the time that you happen to consider bad wedding advice.

Ask and you shall receive. I am sick of hearing knotties lambast brides who want a honeymoon registry when they don't need additional stuff because they've lived with FI for a while already.

The typical response goes "HM registries are so tacky! It's like asking for cash! Just go through the house and find something you can upgrade! Or don't register and guests will get the idea"

I have many problems with all of those arguments.

1) Traditional gift registries were likely just as "tacky" as HM registries back when they were first conceived. I mean, what difference does it make to your guest if they cut you a check for 30 bucks or buy you 2 wine glasses? Back before traditional gift registries I could see how giving money was awkward because you're basically shouting to the world how much you've spent. But when a bride can click the exact make, model, and color (etc) of a product...the jig is up.

2) I went through Hurricane Katrina. I've seen and experienced what it's like to lose everything. I think that "upgrading" for the sheer sake of having something to register for is just gross. Stuff is just stuff and it can disappear in the blink of an eye. Memories and experiences will endure. If someone wants me to contribute money so they can experience a great honeymoon or meal, I am more than happy to. That memory will live longer than water goblets or hand towels ever will.

3) "Just don't register and guests will get the idea?" How is that any different than just asking for cash? Don't be coy. Your guests aren't idiots.

4) Most gift givers WANT to give something that they know the couple will love. That's why gift registries sprang up in the first place. I would be thrilled to contribute to a honeymoon or home down payment or whatever if I knew it was what the couple really wanted.

Whether they are tacky or not, I think the reasons that people give for not supporting HM registries are just...odd.

adrop · December 2010

I totally agree with Nola.

AshleyLynnB · December 2010

I agree with NOLA also. FI and I have been together for 6 years and we put together a small BBB registry for some things we will probably never buy ourselves but we also have a FREE HM registry. There are lots of honeymoon registry sites that do not charge you or the guest buying from the registry any fees.

The reason why we wanted the HM registry is we have most of our homegoods since we have owned our house for two years now and we wanted our guests gifts to us (cash or not) to mean something. Our family loves to travel and they love giving us advice and places to go on our own travels. We are going to take pictures of ourselves on the excursions and send the pictures to the people who bought the trips for us. We want to show them that they made a wonderful memory we will always cherish. (more than the crappy toaster that breaks in 4 years that we never asked for)

I think the worst advice I have received is to be a stickler to ettiquite. It is your wedding you do what you want and your guests will adapt or just not come. But if they don't come because of your choices did you really want them there in the first place?

JanoBean75 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-wedding-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2673b7a2-237f-4606-bc4b-70f2ea3c3147Post:62d323e6-4988-411b-b241-92593928ee27">Re: Bad wedding advice</a>:
[QUOTE] I think the worst advice I have received is to be a stickler to ettiquite. It is your wedding you do what you want and your guests will adapt or just not come. But if they don't come because of your choices did you really want them there in the first place?
Posted by AshleyLynnB[/QUOTE]

Please tell me you're confusing tradition with etiquette. Etiquette has nothing to do with choosing a dessert over a wedding cake, but has everything to do with the comfort of your guests. Everyone SHOULD be a "stickler" to etiquette so they don't come off as a major asshole on "their day."

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