Vent - So frustrated (kind of long~sorry)

mcononico · April 2010

So.. my FILs are a little on the socially awkward side. They are very difficult to deal with regarding wedding stuff and especially when it comes to finances and wedding stuff.

My mother is paying for our wedding... plus we are contributing some money as well.
FI asked his parents if they would pay for the rehearsal dinner and they agreed.
FI and I found a location, picked a menu etc. Problem is the in-laws refuse to give us a budget!!
They picked a menu they like (different then what FI and I want) and basically have said thats what they are paying for. FI talked to his dad and they starting crying poor saying they couldn't afford a lot (which I would totally understand) but then they went out a bought a brand new MAC computer and a few hundred dollars worth of software for no good reason!

This may sound like I'm being a spoiled brat but I really just want them to give me a budget and I will work within it or contribute my own money for things I want.
Now his parents are telling FI's sister that if they don't pay for our reh. dinner in full then I won't speak to them anymore which is ludacris.

I am just so frustrated over the drama and I hate to be made to look like the bad guy when I don't think I'm asking for much at all.
FI just shrugs it off and explains it away by saying thats just how they are and he is used to it by now.

I don't even know what to do anymore

woodie · April 2010

Hi - You just answered your own question:

"They picked a menu they like (different then what FI and I want) and basically have said thats what they are paying for."

There's your budget. Be gracious and thank them for their generosity.

-K

Beantown Mama · April 2010

I agree. Fi's parents are paying for the RD and I let them plan the entire thing, location, menu, whatever they want to do. It's hard to be picky when someone else is paying.

I know FILs can be frustrating, mine have been pretty terrible at times, but you just have to accept them (as FI has) and move on.

jay10 · April 2010

thats annoying because it your dinner, you want to be able to pick things...be easier if they just gave you the money they want to give and let you deal with it your way....
sorry your stressed
good luck....

jonnysbride2010 · April 2010

I had the same situation. FI's father offered to help us pay for the RD but said he couldn't afford to pay for the whole thing. FI's mother wasn't able to give us anything since her finances aren't the best. We booked a RD that we wanted, with a menu we could afford and whatever FI's father gave us was just a bonus. Maybe figure out something you can afford and take whatever they give you as a bonus or just go with the menu they picked because that is what they can afford? Deep breaths

october010bride · April 2010

I'm sorry that they are frustrating you like this. From what I see you have two options:

deal with whatever they give you/tell you and let them run with it.

OR

graciously except their help but tell them that you and your fi will be handling the rd from now on and that you don't want to stress them out even further.

mcononico · April 2010

Thanks for the advice everyone

jwatts23 · April 2010

I have to agree with Jonny...maybe plan what you want and have FI Dad's contribute whatever he feels comfortable with. Sticky situation -- sending you good vibes

SweetPea1126 · April 2010

I agree with Jonnysbride, maybe plan it on your own and take what they give you as a bonus. I understand how you feel though, I've had issues with my FILs. It's definitely a tough spot to be in, especially with your FI shrugging it off (this is EXACTLY how my FI handles things also)..I think the RD planning is the only part that's gone smoothly! Hope it gets better!

On a side note: Did you go with Peppercornz?

mcononico · April 2010

Its just so frustrating because of their lack of communication skills. I sent FMIL an email and she has yet to reply but then writes something on facebook about people saying hurtful things (which was directed toward me since FFIL told her I wasn't going to speak to her anymore)
Owell.. I'll get over it

Sweetpea - We did go with Peppercornz

The food is so good!!! thank you for the rec.

SweetPea1126 · April 2010

Yikes! Why can't things always go smoothly with FIL's?! Well, in my opinion that was childish of her.

Glad you went with Peppercornz! I went back there after recommending it to you and it was SOO good. My mother's cousin works there, which I completely forgot until I saw her, so she made sure that the drinks were GOOD! hehe

Starmusica · April 2010

hey.. we had our own RD drama and in the end we sorta compromised. I say that unless what they have picked is horrible... I would just let it go. Think of it this way- you are stuck with them your entire life... maybe a fight now isnt worth it in the long run..

Shazzie116 · April 2010

Good advice here...be gracious for what they're offering and either go with what they want or use it as a bonus towards what you want. May not be the most comfortable thing to do, but maybe you should call them or talk face to face about this whole "She's not going to talk to you" thing. You don't want to start your marriage out on an awkward level. Put it all out there and if they continue to not communicate and go the passive Facebook approach, it's not your problem.

GL!

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_vent-frustrated-kind-of-longsorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:578eacf8-8240-4994-aef3-0a0d85a7733fPost:176cffca-3dff-4207-8271-e1cabedacc0d">Re: Vent - So frustrated (kind of long~sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE]Good advice here...be gracious for what they're offering and either go with what they want or use it as a bonus towards what you want. May not be the most comfortable thing to do, but maybe you should call them or talk face to face about this whole "She's not going to talk to you" thing. You don't want to start your marriage out on an awkward level. Put it all out there and if they continue to not communicate and go the passive Facebook approach, it's not your problem. GL!
Posted by Shazzie116[/QUOTE]

This.

Also, are you opposed to a different place? Maybe they could choose a place where they can afford the whole menu and then you can choose what menu you like.

Try not to let it get to you. The last thing you want to do is argue. Keep the communication open.

Vent - So frustrated (kind of long~sorry)

Re: Vent - So frustrated (kind of long~sorry)

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