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DJ/family quandry

zulamayzulamay
500 Comments
in Michigan-Detroit
A relative, who does DJing for weddings professionally, offered and we accepted to be our DJ for the wedding.  As far as I know, this is a "gift" to us for the wedding, or else will be done for a small monetary sum to be determined closer to the date.  

In the last week, it turns out that said relative completely lied to my family about a substantial amount of money.  I'm not sure what exactly is going on now, but this could mean a divorce or separation, thus removing said member from family events between now and my wedding. Best case scenario it blows over in another month and there is just tension for awhile.

I'm not sure what to do....do I keep this person as a DJ?  Hire a backup?  I started researching just to be prepared, but if my relative pulls out at the last minute we could have a day-of crisis.  Budget isn't really an issue...we can afford to hire someone else if needed.  I'm just not sure how to not get in the middle of a possible separation and secure a plan for the wedding.  I was thinking about waiting a couple of weeks to see how things shake out, but still a bit nervous that come August everything could be different.

(yes, yes, this is why you never hire family...)


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Re: DJ/family quandry

  • Milsey32Milsey32
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Talk to your DJ directly - asking if they would still be comfortable doing the wedding despite whatever problems may be happening. If they would still like to be your DJ, regardless of if they are family or not, SIGN A CONTRACT. If you are still hesitant, go ahead and hire someone else.
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  • rcj2rcdrcj2rcd
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Give it a week to settle down, talk to your parents and figure out as much of the story as you can, and use this time to research DJs. See what settles within the week, but If it were me, I'd sign with a new DJ. I couldn't handle the unknown and all the family drama that could come of this. You're right, this is a good example of what can go wrong with hiring family. Sorry that this is happening to you :(
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  • Allycat11Allycat11
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_djfamily-quandry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:a4a3c013-07fc-4e27-8975-f4a6e6e691a4Post:f7ee7a48-ceca-4e2e-8bff-7f4af8d91453">Re: DJ/family quandry</a>:
    [QUOTE]Give it a week to settle down, talk to your parents and figure out as much of the story as you can, and use this time to research DJs. See what settles within the week, but If it were me, I'd sign with a new DJ. I couldn't handle the unknown and all the family drama that could come of this. You're right, this is a good example of what can go wrong with hiring family. Sorry that this is happening to you :(
    Posted by rcj2rcd[/QUOTE]


    Ditto. Exactly this.  I'm sorry you have to go through this :(
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  • zulamayzulamay
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_djfamily-quandry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:a4a3c013-07fc-4e27-8975-f4a6e6e691a4Post:f7ee7a48-ceca-4e2e-8bff-7f4af8d91453">Re: DJ/family quandry</a>:
    [QUOTE]Give it a week to settle down, talk to your parents and figure out as much of the story as you can, and use this time to research DJs. See what settles within the week, but If it were me, I'd sign with a new DJ. I couldn't handle the unknown and all the family drama that could come of this. You're right, this is a good example of what can go wrong with hiring family. Sorry that this is happening to you :(
    Posted by rcj2rcd[/QUOTE]

    <div>How do I politely say we're going with someone else?  I'd like to leave it simple, and not really go into the family issue.   </div><div>
    </div><div>Oh, I did talk to my parents, and we've all agreed to wait a week to see how things shake out.  I'm with you though, the unknown will drive me nuts.</div><div>
    </div><div>@Miley - yes, I will get a contract either way.  I should have in the first place.  Good thinking.</div>
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  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    How long ago did you guys talk about this? Maybe your "out" could be that in the interim you just happened to find someone else.

    Yeah, I know, that's kind of lame :-) But, if it has been awhile since you talked details, you may have an easier time of getting out of using him than you would if you'd just met last week or something.

    Also, if the DJ is also the same relative who lied about money (sounds like it is if I'm reading everything right), then I don't think I'd want him as a vendor, regardless of whether things blow over. I know I don't know the circumstances, but sounds like he could be a headache. In theory, you could use this as your reasoning and be very direct about it -- "given what happened, I just don't feel right about having you DJ the wedding"...

    Sorry about this. First the tasting drama, now this? You're well overdue for some good planning juju to come your way!
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  • rcj2rcdrcj2rcd
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Meegles' "given what happened..." approach. There really isn't a good way to say it. It's a conversation that no one wants to have, but if you tip toe around it, the situation will get worse.

    If you want to tip-toe (I don't blame you, this isn't a fun thing to do)......
    - If everything winds up working out with this person, but you still don't feel comfortable having them as your DJ, you can always say that you decided to book another DJ because you wanted your family to be guests and enjoy the wedding.
    - Or say that you got a good discount with your videographer/photographer on DJ services.
    Personally, I don't recommend saying either one, but those are the only excuses I can come up with. 
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  • zulamayzulamay
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_djfamily-quandry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:a4a3c013-07fc-4e27-8975-f4a6e6e691a4Post:23d48d32-011a-478f-825f-ddf5e244d66b">Re: DJ/family quandry</a>:
    [QUOTE]How long ago did you guys talk about this? Maybe your "out" could be that in the interim you just happened to find someone else. Yeah, I know, that's kind of lame :-) But, if it has been awhile since you talked details, you may have an easier time of getting out of using him than you would if you'd just met last week or something. Also, if the DJ is also the same relative who lied about money (sounds like it is if I'm reading everything right), then I don't think I'd want him as a vendor, regardless of whether things blow over. I know I don't know the circumstances, but sounds like he could be a headache. In theory, you could use this as your reasoning and be very direct about it -- "given what happened, I just don't feel right about having you DJ the wedding"... Sorry about this. First the tasting drama, now this? You're well overdue for some good planning juju to come your way!
    Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

    <div>We last talked in April.  In a couple of weeks I will feel out the situation again and see how responsive he is.  If it doesn't go well, we'll have a chat.  </div><div>
    </div><div>@RJ - I'll try to be blunt. If anything, I want him to understand this is a consequence of his behavior and not me being a looney bride.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I could totally use some positive juju. :D  On the plus side, it didn't rain on our engagement pictures yesterday!!</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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  • rcj2rcdrcj2rcd
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_djfamily-quandry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:a4a3c013-07fc-4e27-8975-f4a6e6e691a4Post:27630013-5602-4287-b012-c420145d07c4">Re: DJ/family quandry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: DJ/family quandry : We last talked in April.  In a couple of weeks I will feel out the situation again and see how responsive he is.  If it doesn't go well, we'll have a chat.   @RJ - I'll try to be blunt. If anything, I want him to understand this is a consequence of his behavior and not me being a looney bride.   I could totally use some positive juju. :D  On the plus side, it didn't rain on our engagement pictures yesterday!!
    Posted by zulamay[/QUOTE]

    Lol - RJ is what my friends call me! you do deserve some good juju after all you've been through lately!! Maybe no rain was the start of it :)
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  • zulamayzulamay
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    haha!  RJ is what I call you in my head, since the C doesn't stick out to me for whatever reason. :D  I'll stick to it now!
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  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Zula -- you weren't doing your engagement pictures last night at Comerica Park right as the game started were you? We walked by a couple on the outside of the park (we were on the inside). I told FI he should stop and take some notes!
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  • zulamayzulamay
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Nope, not us!  We did ours at my Grandmother's farm.  I ruined my favorite heels climbing in a silo! LOL. :)   I've seen really cute pics from Comerica though...would be a great place to shoot!
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