Help...How to cope with loss of loved one during wedding..

BrilhanteBride · June 2010

Now that my wedding is getting closer I've been having a harder and harder time coping with the fact that my brother will not be there. He was killed by a drunk driver in 2002. I knew I'd have to go through life without him there for big events like this. But I didn't think it would be so hard. It seems like each day is worse then the last. The closer the wedding the worse it gets. I'm just wondering if anyone else is having a hard time without someone they love being there, and what they are doing to cope. Is there anything I could do to make this easier?

GreenPepperBurger · June 2010

I am very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. You can take solace in the fact that your brother's spirit is with you, and it will very much be with you on your wedding day. If you want to honor his memory at the wedding, you can have a candle placed somewhere that guests will see (like by the placecards) and say, "In loving memory of..."

tidetravel · June 2010

I'm so sorry for you loss. I know that your wedding day will be bittersweet, but try not to let your brother's absence loom too great. I'm sure he would want you to be happy.

You could attach a locket with his picture to your bouquet or pin in on the inside of your dress, next to you heart.

Serve his favorite dessert at the wedding, or as a take-home favor

Display your favorite pictures of him at a small table at the reception

Have a note at the end of the program, "Today we honor Brilhante's brother, who could not be with us."

Some people reserve an empty chair at the ceremony for loved ones that passed. I've seen a bride do this and pull a flower out of her bouquet to place on the chair.

Others make mention of loved one's passing during the ceremony. If you do this, make sure to keep it short.

There is a fine line with honoring loved ones that passed; you want to make sure your wedding is a joyous occasion. Don't let it turn into a memorial service. Subtle details are, IMO, best.

vanessa7889 · June 2010

My mom had passed 2 years ago so I decided to do a memory vase full of red roses and a single purple rose for her with candles surrounding it. I wanted a silent way to do it because I know if I hear anyone speak about her I will bawl like a baby. Also, I will have her wedding rings on a ribbon with my bouquet.

But I agree with you, as the wedding gets closer it does get harder. I just tell myself that she is watching me and couldn't be more proud of me.

LesPaul · June 2010

What Tide said, exactly. I'm sorry you lost your brother and he won't be there. It will be difficult - my Mom died when I was 9 and my Dad died 13 years ago, so they weren't there for my wedding. I had a good cry a couple of days before the wedding, and got through it ok without them. Yes, I missed them terribly, but I had their picture displayed at the reception and I felt them there with me.

alison_lew · June 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're so sad at a time leading up to one of the happiest days of your life. I am sure he wouldn't want you feeling this way. Many of us have lost loved ones before our weddings (myself included), but as PP mentioned, they are their in spirit and stay alive in your memories in your heart.

I've seen people honor loved ones by making special mention in your program (if you are having one).

Hang in there.

jlw1492 · June 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's hard. I was very close with my grandfather who passed away suddenly last year. I'm going to have a picture of him and my grandmother from their wedding at our table. We are also going to mention him and my FI's grandparents in our programs. I know it's going to be hard but something like a picture or a piece of jewelry may help you feel closer to him that day. He will most definitely be there with you, though.

BrilhanteBride · June 2010

I did make this necklace today so i could put his picture in it.

I also think I might do the Candle that a few of you mentioned.

Thanks for the support and advice.. I'm feeling a little better now :-)

LesPaul · June 2010

The necklace is beautiful. You will feel him there at your wedding. We're here if you need support - anytime.

miah_23_ncb · June 2010

the necklace is beautiful. really like the ribbon tie. i agree w/ evryone doing soemething in the ceremony or program or even recption

loulie1021 · July 2010

My cousin was killed by a drunk diver when he was 19. When his sister got married, we included white roses in the ceremony in his honor. Each bridesmaid carried a white rose in addition to her bouquet. There was also a single white rose placed on each table at the reception. In the program, there was a brief note to let the guests know that the white roses were in honor of her brother. It was simple and meaningful.

kdwhitley · July 2010

the necklace is pretty. I am sorry for your loss. My great grandmoth whom I was very close to died in 2006, 5 days after my birthday. On special days I have a hard time not tearing up. I was a wreck at my college graduation. We are making an in memory of table with a picture of her, FI grandfather who passed last year, and his grandparents on his dad side he never met. We have a dozen yellow roses being placed on the table in memory of my great grandma and a candle that says In Memory of those who can only be present in our hearts. There is also an in memory page at the end of our bulletin with the list of those who passed that were immediate family (aunts, uncles, and grandparents). I did it mostly for her and his grandparenst but I included FI aunts and uncles whom he was VERY close to that passed.

Help...How to cope with loss of loved one during wedding..

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