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MIGHT have to push back date

We found out yesterday that FI's mom might have to spend 4 months in prison for pretty much probation violation. So depending on if the judge decides to send her, and when he makes the decision, she might be in prison when our wedding comes (September 3rd). We haven't discussed it yet but I'm know if she is in prison then he'll want to change the date. Which I understand him wanting her there, I want her there since she's his mom, but it's still irritating.

I know you're supposed to be considerate of others when planning your wedding, but come on.

I just had to vent.
Leslie 3 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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Re: MIGHT have to push back date

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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011

    i know i should feel bad for laughing at this, but i don't.

    image
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_might-push-back-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d239468c-c5b9-43ef-a7e1-587edbd474afPost:de303915-8e13-4294-8ab2-e4bcf839cf6f">MIGHT have to push back date</a>:
    [QUOTE]We found out yesterday that FI's mom might have to spend 4 months in prison for pretty much probation violation. So depending on if the judge decides to send her, and when he makes the decision, she might be in prison when our wedding comes (September 3rd). We haven't discussed it yet but I'm know if she is in prison then he'll want to change the date. Which I understand him wanting her there, I want her there since she's his mom, but it's still irritating. I know you're supposed to be considerate of others when planning your wedding, but come on. I just had to vent.
    Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]


    I'm going to need more details about why she's on probation and how she violated it.
    image
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    ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
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    edited December 2011

    She pretty much wasn't a parent. Her & her 16-year-old daughter was living in a town together. The daughter constantly has friends over where ever she lives. Well, the daughter & friends decided to have a party complete w/ drugs & alcohol & got busted by the cops. From what I heard the mom was at a bar when all this went down. They both spent a little bit of time (literally little bit) & moved - to where I live (yay!)

    Well eventually they got an apartment. Before the apartment the mom was all like 'this,this and this will not happen' blah blah blah. Well less than six months later THE SAME THING HAPPENED! Only this time the mom was there. So the mom spent about 6 months in jail where I live & the girl spent about the same amount in juvie.

    So the girl is still living in the same town as me (with her dad) & the mom moved back to the first town & is living with her other daughter.

    Leslie 3 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    And ya know, I would laugh a little about all this but it is a constant thing that someone in his family (mostly his immediate family) is doing something illegal & it somehow affects us. It's pretty tiring.
    Leslie 3 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Perhaps her missing your wedding would be a good thing.
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    edited December 2011
    I must say that this isn't a problem we ever get.
    image
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_might-push-back-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d239468c-c5b9-43ef-a7e1-587edbd474afPost:596619c2-886a-48e0-a19c-5d94e30cc9bb">Re: MIGHT have to push back date</a>:
    [QUOTE]She pretty much wasn't a parent. Her & her 16-year-old daughter was living in a town together. The daughter constantly has friends over where ever she lives. Well, the daughter & friends decided to have a party complete w/ drugs & alcohol & got busted by the cops. From what I heard the mom was at a bar when all this went down. They both spent a little bit of time (literally little bit) & moved - to where I live (yay!) Well eventually they got an apartment. Before the apartment the mom was all like 'this,this and this will not happen' blah blah blah. Well less than six months later THE SAME THING HAPPENED! Only this time the mom was there. So the mom spent about 6 months in jail where I live & the girl spent about the same amount in juvie. So the girl is still living in the same town as me (with her dad) & the mom moved back to the first town & is living with her other daughter.
    Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]

    Did she do something else to violate probations after going to jail for 6 months? I'm a little confused about why she'd be going back to jail again if she's already been for the second party.

    Please tell me about your fiance also, I'm curious as to how he turned out considering his mom and sister are both a hot mess.
    image
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    zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Why is she necessary at the wedding?  Is she responsible for bring the "refreshments"?
    image

    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    " Her & her 16-year-old daughter was living in a town together."

    Please read this sentence aloud, and see if anything sounds wrong.
    image
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    edited December 2011
    She spent the 6 months in jail where I live. She might be spending time in prison in the other town for probation violation.

    Oh, oh, & his mom & sister isn't the only ones that are a hot mess. He has another sister & brother. The sister use to get into trouble but she's a lot better now (I guess for her having a kid straightened her out). The brother is currently wanted for missing a probation meeting or something (he originally spent time b/c he tried to strangle a cop w/ his belt & then later on broke into our house).

    My FI is the only one with a head on his shoulders. Him & the sister w/ the kid have the same dad, who passed away when FI was about 3 years old. The other sister & brother each have different dads. When FI's dad passed, and he grew up, he pretty much became the man of the house - and I mean he was doing the adult things like balancing the checkbook & making sure all the other kids got to school before he was even in high school.

    Needless to say I got pretty freaking lucky. I mean, he did some drugs while in college but that's it. He's never even gotten a speeding ticket. The worse thing about him is that he tends to be a bit lazy. But besides that he's a great guy. The bad thing is that since he started taking care of everyone when he was younger, he still thinks he has to take care of everyone. Even though everyone should be able to take care of themselves. But I guess everyone else is just use to sponging off of everyone else.
    Leslie 3 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_might-push-back-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d239468c-c5b9-43ef-a7e1-587edbd474afPost:8f87ac2a-c4fc-4b80-bdff-5065fe9abc45">Re: MIGHT have to push back date</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why is she necessary at the wedding?  Is she responsible for bring the "refreshments"?
    Posted by zsazsa-stl[/QUOTE]

    hee. FTW
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    edited December 2011
    Ok, ok. 'her & the 16 year old daughter....' Yes, sometimes my writing/grammar isn't right. But come on, the custody of the 16 year old just now got transferred to the dad. It's amazing when the law takes forever to do what it should.
    Leslie 3 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    And to FI she is necessary b/c she's his mom. And believe it or not, his family is the closest freaking family I've even seen or known. It's crazy.
    Leslie 3 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_might-push-back-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d239468c-c5b9-43ef-a7e1-587edbd474afPost:e41b35d4-2311-4706-80a3-27587c3ae9cf">Re: MIGHT have to push back date</a>:
    [QUOTE] Needless to say I got pretty freaking lucky.<strong> I mean, he did some drugs while in college but that's it.</strong> He's never even gotten a speeding ticket. The worse thing about him is that he tends to be a bit lazy. But besides that he's a great guy. The bad thing is that since he started taking care of everyone when he was younger, he still thinks he has to take care of everyone. Even though everyone should be able to take care of themselves. But I guess everyone else is just use to sponging off of everyone else.
    Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]

    did he score them from his mom, or one of his siblings?

    just remember, if he's constantly taking care of everyone now, it's not going to change when you're married. you need to be fully prepared to accept responsibility for his family before you marry this guy,
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    MizBiscuitMizBiscuit member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_might-push-back-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d239468c-c5b9-43ef-a7e1-587edbd474afPost:42b008d5-010d-44fa-aed9-eb67dd3e3061">Re: MIGHT have to push back date</a>:
    [QUOTE] just remember, if he's constantly taking care of everyone now, it's not going to change when you're married. you need to be fully prepared to accept responsibility for his family before you marry this guy,
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

    This.

    And thanks, I feel much better about the drama my ILs give us now. Doesn't feel quite as bad now.
    "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." ~C.S. Lewis
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    edited December 2011

    Barbie - LOL. No, he didn't score them from his mom. But believe it or not a few years ago, he did catch his mom about to buy some weed for youngest daughter.

    Luckily, the taking care of everyone has died down. Trust me, his mom would be living with us right now except the other daughter wanted the mom with her & everyone realized that the mom shouldn't be around the 16 year old. And everyone else that has lived with us (that he/we have tried to help) totally screwed us over & left the house on not so good relations with me. But then hey, when you bring drugs into our house, threaten me, call me every name in the book, etc. I'm not gonna like you anymore. So for the most part, most people who would be helped won't be anymore. Except his mom b/c, well, she's his mom.

    Leslie 3 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    MizBiscuit - you're welcome. LOL!!
    Leslie 3 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    "The bad thing is that since he started taking care of everyone when he was younger, he still thinks he has to take care of everyone. Even though everyone should be able to take care of themselves. But I guess everyone else is just use to sponging off of everyone else."

    This is a HUGE problem.  Do you, personally, want to spend your money and time enabling irresponsible hot messes for the rest of your life, or will you resent it?  Because more than likely, this is what you're signing on for by marrying this guy.
    image
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    edited December 2011
    Like I said, the only person that hasn't screwed us over, and screwed themselves over in the process, and we would still help, is his mom.
    Leslie 3 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Are you going to be okay with enabling her druggie jailbird ass for the rest of her life, or will you resent it?
    image
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_might-push-back-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d239468c-c5b9-43ef-a7e1-587edbd474afPost:35baec43-89ee-4528-b446-433822ab154e">Re: MIGHT have to push back date</a>:
    [QUOTE]Like I said,<strong> the only person that hasn't screwed us over, and screwed themselves over in the process</strong>, and we would still help, is his mom.
    Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]


    But I feel like at this point, it's not a question of if this is ever going to happen, but WHEN.  It's inevitable.
    image
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    edited December 2011
    I'm not too worried about it. Since the littlest sister still lives in our town. And if/when it does, it won't be for too long b/c the sister will screw things up for the mom & the mom will have to move out. Or end up in jail again or something. Who knows with that family!
    Leslie 3 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Is this my no-trailer snob side coming out again, or am I justified in thinking that coming from this kind of family, and still associating closely enough with them to enable them, is a dealbreaker?
    image
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    zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Your FI had better be the most wonderful man alive. 
    image

    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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    LnR70707LnR70707 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_might-push-back-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d239468c-c5b9-43ef-a7e1-587edbd474afPost:20fa87d0-dfbd-45a0-a7d2-170e92a1e101">Re: MIGHT have to push back date</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not too worried about it. Since the littlest sister still lives in our town. And if/when it does, it won't be for too long b/c the sister will screw things up for the mom & the mom will have to move out. Or end up in jail again or something. <strong>Who knows with that family!
    </strong>Posted by Heather2256[/QUOTE]

    No, no....allow me to correct you....YOUR family, because you are about to marry that.  All of it.

    Yes, Kuus...as long as there is any communication...that is a major dealbreaker.
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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_might-push-back-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d239468c-c5b9-43ef-a7e1-587edbd474afPost:da87e0d8-57da-4c67-916f-ecc906f203ae">Re: MIGHT have to push back date</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is this my no-trailer snob side coming out again, or am I justified in thinking that coming from this kind of family, and still associating closely enough with them to enable them, is a dealbreaker?
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]
    DING DING DING!<div>
    </div><div>And FTR, I'm a no-trailer snob, too. But this is beyond the pale. People in jail left and right, people bringing children into this environment, people who can't make their subjects and verbs agree - </div><div>
    </div><div>My pearls are well and truly clutched, and I can't seem to let them go. </div>
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_might-push-back-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d239468c-c5b9-43ef-a7e1-587edbd474afPost:91652127-21df-4275-b52b-951d12d90791">Re: MIGHT have to push back date</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MIGHT have to push back date : DING DING DING! And FTR, I'm a no-trailer snob, too. But this is beyond the pale. People in jail left and right, people bringing children into this environment, people who can't make their subjects and verbs agree -  My pearls are well and truly clutched, and I can't seem to let them go. 
    Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE]

    i'm an agreement with you guys - this would be a dealbreaker for me as well.
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    DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I think I found my eyebrows on the ceiling of the office above mine.  Wow.

    Yeah, you seem very nonchalant about the whole jail and drugs thing. Please please take your time with this one. These are cycles that tend to repeat themselves.

    image
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I actually had the good fortune to wear a strand of pearls today, so they're right here for the clutching.
    image
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