Can't afford to live together

katiej1218 · January 2013

I'm sorry to vent, I just wanted to see if anyone is in a similar situation or can help me feel better about this.

My fiance and I have been together for three and a half years, and have been engaged for most of this time. We agreed to wait until after I graduated from college and got a teaching job to move in together and get married. I graduated from college this past May. I coudn't wait to graduate and finally be with him- we live an hour away from each other and in different states, and therefore we've only been able to see each other on weekends during the entire course of our relationship. Anyway, I have had over 30 interviews...I feel like I've interviewed at every district within an hour radius of my house! No teaching job. In the meantime, I've been working part time at the same job I've been at since I was 16, and I've started teaching SAT classes. I've felt really depressed about not teaching, but what adds to that pressure is the fact that we still don't live together. My fiance strongly feels that we cannot afford to live together until I get a full-time job. We're getting married on July 13...I'm so stressed out that we're going to get married and still be living in different states. I just want to be with him

crystaldbl · January 2013

Do you both still live at home?

HobokensFury · January 2013

Have you tried local Catholic schools and charters? What are you certified in? Getting a teaching job is pretty bad around here. I'm lucky that I teach chemistry so it's not as bad as other subjects. DH is also a teacher and finally after 3 years got a full time job in September. As for the living situation I know it's not ideal but you have to make the best of it right now. DH and I spent the 1st 6 months of our engagement living in my childhood bedroom with 2 twin beds in my grandma's apartment. It wasn't ideal but we made it through. Things will get better and enjoy your weekends together.

JadziaDax · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-afford-to-live-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c61979d0-8a69-40ae-9980-a8534218c702Post:28135d3f-921e-4de3-9b4c-d9ea130daedd">Can't afford to live together</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry to vent, I just wanted to see if anyone is in a similar situation or can help me feel better about this. My fiance and I have been together for three and a half years, and have been engaged for most of this time. We agreed to wait until after I graduated from college and got a teaching job to move in together and get married. I graduated from college this past May. I coudn't wait to graduate and finally be with him- we live an hour away from each other and in different states, and therefore we've only been able to see each other on weekends during the entire course of our relationship. Anyway, I have had over 30 interviews...I feel like I've interviewed at every district within an hour radius of my house! No teaching job. In the meantime, I've been working part time at the same job I've been at since I was 16, and I've started teaching SAT classes. I've felt really depressed about not teaching, but what adds to that pressure is the fact that we still don't live together. My fiance strongly feels that we cannot afford to live together until I get a full-time job. We're getting married on July 13...I'm so stressed out that we're going to get married and still be living in different states. I just want to be with him :(
Posted by katiej1218[/QUOTE]

<div>Does your FI work? </div><div>
</div><div>I lived at home with my parents for years after I graduated college and was dating my husband for about 7 or 8 years until I officially moved in. I know it isn't ideal, but it is smarter to be financially ready before moving in. At the same time though, I couldn't imagine being married and living in separate states. This is something you need to talk to your FI about ASAP. </div>

katiej1218 · January 2013

Yes, we both still live at home. I'm certified to teach math K-12. All I ever hear is how everyone needs math teachers, which just makes it more baffling to me that I don't have a job right now. I've been on so many interviews, so I guess my resume and cover letter are good...I'll keep telling myself it's just because there's a lot of competition out there. I haven't tried charter schools but I did apply to a Catholic school the other day. I have an interview on Friday for a maternity leave position so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that.

Trying to be patient about the living situation but it's hard. I miss him a lot during the week, and he's not really a great texter (plus he works third shift, so our sleep cycles are completely different). I just want to be together, and I'm hoping we can get a place of our own. His mother spoils him a lot and doesn't want him to leave, and that's just not something I want to deal with at the beginning of our marriage.

HobokensFury · January 2013

Where in Jersey because we're actually looking for a LTS for high school.

katiej1218 · January 2013

I'm in Northwest Jersey, border of Morris and Warren counties.

HobokensFury · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-afford-to-live-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c61979d0-8a69-40ae-9980-a8534218c702Post:61f83818-b845-444a-85ab-900fdf934a85">Re: Can't afford to live together</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm in Northwest Jersey, border of Morris and Warren counties.
Posted by katiej1218[/QUOTE]

I'm in Hudson county so it may be a little far for you but I can sent you the info if you want.

katiej1218 · January 2013

It might be, but it's worth looking into. I'd love it if you'd send me the info, thank you

HobokensFury · January 2013

I PMed it to you.

katiej1218 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-afford-to-live-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c61979d0-8a69-40ae-9980-a8534218c702Post:3e24b3a4-6c4a-4278-b1b8-b29164e2dbc3">Re:Can't afford to live together</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't really relate, per Se, because H and I moved in together during our last couple of years of college. Is your FI putting his checks into savings for something major? I ask because I've found that living with your SO isn't really that much more expensive from living alone, so if you can't afford it on his salary and your multiple PT work, it makes me wonder what will magically change so much when you go to one FT job. Also, you don't want to deal with the mom stuff at the beginning of your marriage, and I agree. You need to deal with it BEFORE. That stuff never gets easier. Don't get me wrong, I think it's good to be financially stable before getting married and if you truly can't afford it, moving in together right now would be bad. But H and I have lived through many a PBJ and Ramen Noodle month together and lived in some fairly crap apartments, and I'd say we're better off for it, not worse. If it's a "we wouldn't be able to make rent and bills" situation, then you just have to be patient and chin up. But if it's a "we can't afford to rent a 2br/2ba apartment with a pool and still allow me to have spending money for my hobbies" kind of situation, I'd have a long talk with him. He might be a bit too attached to mom's catering and laundry service.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I agree with everything you've said. My parents and I sat down and wrote out a list of expenses and we think that we could probably get all the bills paid each month and possibly have a bit of money left over. I know that things will be tight, but all that matters to me is that we'll be together. I tried bringing up (over text, foolishly) that we should start looking for a place together, and he gave me a long response about how he "barely breaks even" every month between car payments, car insurance, gas, and student loans, and that I need a full time job before we can consider it. But...he and I go out to eat 2-3 times every weekend and we go to the movies, plus he's the type of person who can't go into a store without buying something...he's always buying new blu-rays, he buys expensive protein shakes and vitamins from GNC, etc. I feel if we just stop going out so much and if he can cut back on his spending, we could make it work. I know I need to have a talk with him in person about it. I'm just nervous that he's really stubborn about it and won't consider it.

crystaldbl · January 2013

You and FI really need to discuss this issue before you get married. You both need to know what you are getting into as far as finances and expenses go. Otherwise this is going to be a major problem in your marriage.

Sassenach1743 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-afford-to-live-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c61979d0-8a69-40ae-9980-a8534218c702Post:d5972e12-4ece-4737-98b5-6fd3ca5d3b64">Re:Can't afford to live together</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Can't afford to live together : I agree with everything you've said. My parents and I sat down and wrote out a list of expenses and we think that we could probably get all the bills paid each month and possibly have a bit of money left over. I know that things will be tight, but all that matters to me is that we'll be together. I tried bringing up (over text, foolishly) that we should start looking for a place together, and he gave me a long response about how he "barely breaks even" every month between car payments, car insurance, gas, and student loans, and that I need a full time job before we can consider it. But...he and I go out to eat 2-3 times every weekend and we go to the movies, plus he's the type of person who can't go into a store without buying something...he's always buying new blu-rays, he buys expensive protein shakes and vitamins from GNC, etc. I feel if we just stop going out so much and if he can cut back on his spending, we could make it work. I know I need to have a talk with him in person about it. I'm just nervous that he's really stubborn about it and won't consider it.
Posted by katiej1218[/QUOTE]

<div>Please don't take this the wrong way but, your FI sounds like he is way too spoiled by living at home with his mom. If he works full time and doesn't pay rent, utilities, or for groceries... and all his money is going out the door for entertainment (less his student loan, car and insurance payments) then you've got a serious talk ahead of you. Is he saving any money at all? Is he expecting your full time job to foot the rent and utilities?</div><div>
</div><div>Sounds like he NEEDS to move out of his mom's house pronto! And BEFORE the wedding too! I'm not sure if your opposed to living together before you get married... but it may be a good idea to figure out your logistics before you decide to link up legally. You both could be in for a rude awakening if you don't get out on that limb soon. And I mean this in full support. Good luck!</div>

lyndausvi · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-afford-to-live-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:c61979d0-8a69-40ae-9980-a8534218c702Post:6ca09956-0757-4391-8964-151d72bf39a6">Re:Can't afford to live together</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Can't afford to live together : Please don't take this the wrong way but, your FI sounds like he is way too spoiled by living at home with his mom. If he works full time and doesn't pay rent, utilities, or for groceries... and all his money is going out the door for entertainment (less his student loan, car and insurance payments) then you've got a serious talk ahead of you. Is he saving any money at all? Is he expecting your full time job to foot the rent and utilities? Sounds like he NEEDS to move out of his mom's house pronto! And BEFORE the wedding too! I'm not sure if your opposed to living together before you get married... but it may be a good idea to figure out your logistics before you decide to link up legally. You both could be in for a rude awakening if you don't get out on that limb soon. And I mean this in full support. Good luck!
Posted by brita722[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I was thinking.

I think you have bigger problems than just finding a job. The fact he barely breaks even now makes me think your full time job is really rent, utilities and food. That is a huge flag.

My BIL is 40 years old and lives a home. He makes really good money(working 3rd shift also) but he is always broke. His car payment is pushing $700 per month. Poor driving record and living where he does pushes his car/insurance payments up to $1k. Add in video games, movies, always eating out, no wonder he doesn't have any money.

My SIL is 29 and only out of school for 2 years. and makes less than BIL,. She has a ton of SL and a car payment yet she lives completely on her own. In Brooklyn no less, without a roommate.

Point is, where there is a will there is a way. Your FI sounds like he could be my BIL in a few years.

Meghannsix · January 2013

I agree with the past few posters, this is a big issue that you need to address with your Fi, in person, not on the phone, and definitely not via text. I'm not sure what the point of getting married would be, if you'd still both be living at home with your parents, in separate states. If you both want to be together, you both have to suck it up, stick to a budget and be together. It sucks to make sacrifices sometimes, but that's what being a grown up is. Good luck!

thejucheidea · January 2013

This sounds a hot mess. I think you guys may need to consider premarital counseling if you aren't already.

BostonGIrl4732 · January 2013

Other posters gave great advice. You need to sit down and talk about priorities and how you plan on spending your money after you're married.

I'm in a similar position. Both my FI and I live at home with our parents, 2.5 hours away from each other. Like you, we only see each other on the weekends and it stinks. We've been doing it for a few years. I'm glad I moved back home for a variety of reasons (my mom was sick, I was able to pay off a huge chunk of student debt), but I'm ready to move out with my FI. He's in a similar boat. He was able to pay back all of his loans and get a new car. That being said, my FI has moved mountains in order to get a new job so we can move out and be together.

He wasn't always as excited about the change (because let's not lie, change can be hard), but after the past year of planning a wedding (and the life that will come after), he's realized on his own that he likes the idea of what comes next after the wedding itself and a huge part of that is living together. Now he can't wait to move out and we're starting to look for a place that will work for both of us.

It could be that your FI is like mine and just needs some time to get used to the idea. However, if he doesn't like the idea of moving out, he really could end up resenting you for it and that's not good either. When you're living in a small apartment with no cable, will both of you still be glad to be there because you're with each other? I wouldn't move until you both can say "yes" to that, and I wouldn't get married until you have that settled either.

CALEO · January 2013

I can sort of relate. Before we moved in FI was living paycheck to paycheck, not saving and blowing all his money on eating out, car, sports memorabilia etc.

Getting us on a budget we can both live with has been tough, but we've done it (may still need some tweaking).

Just talk it through!

I do agree that its a red flag that your FI would rather live apart than cut his spending in other areas is a red flag. He's choosing spending over you.

lyndausvi · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-afford-to-live-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c61979d0-8a69-40ae-9980-a8534218c702Post:a51ff05c-92f5-451c-8c59-f9945e3db4d8">Re:Can't afford to live together</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Can't afford to live together : While I agree with 80% of Linger's advice, I do want to make two points to the bolded. The first is that you don't have to have one single fulltime job to support yourself. I lived on my own for a good portion of college working 2 part time jobs and going to school fulltime. While it's not ideal, if the money is steady it's not necessary to be in a full time job in your career path to be able to support yourself. Second, while I don't for a second think it's a good idea for OP to move in with her FI at this point for a myriad of reasons, the idea that BOTH parties need to make an income capable of supporting them on its own is also a bit far fetched to me. Should there be some plan or safety net in case one of you loses your job? Sure. But there are tons of SAHMs out there or couples with a large income disparity where the lesser earner's salary wouldn't be enough to support them alone. It's a risk, but it's not across the board irresponsible or immature, depending on security of the breadwinner's job, savings, or the ability to live short term on the alternate income. Again, not disagreeing with this specific case, just some of the statements made as a general rule.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>good point Stage.</div><div>
</div><div>I use to make more money, then we moved for DH's job. My new job doesn't pay much, but his salary made up for my lose. Then he lost his job. We were okay because of savings. Now he has a new job, still covers everything. If somethings happens to him I would have to move, but I would still be able to live on my own somewhere. Maybe have to work 2 jobs, but I would be able to make it work.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>You mentioned you have been getting interviews but not offers. Have you asked employers how you might be able to improve your interview skills. When I moved to NOLA, I couldn't seal the deal either. After I got some feedback I made some changes and was able to get a job. You might want to look into that.</div>

ohmrs2014 · January 2013

I agree with everyone here. You guys need to talk it out first and possibly get counseling. My FI and I have had a long distance relationship the whole time we have been together, 3 1/2 years. We too only see each other on the weekends. It is horrible and it does suck at times, but you do what you have to do. We plan on getting our apartment a couple of months before the wedding, so that we have that much more time to save money and since he lives in Hudson County, where I am originally from, we will be living there so we need the extra time to save.

On the job aspect, I too am a certified teacher, k-5 and 5-8 language arts. Have you thought about preschools? I am currently a Pre-K teacher in a preschool. The pay is decent, enough to pay bills and save and still have some extra spending money. The hours are bit longer depending on what the center needs you for and most preschool centers are open 12 months, so there really isn't vacation time. My center is great because we do get the week of Christmas off, but not many other holidays like the public school system. I would check it out. It's a steady paycheck.

zantster · January 2013

I don't think you should set a date for a wedding before you have nailed down how you will join your lives under the same roof.

Actions speak louder than words. What concrete steps is your FI taking on his end to expedite the two of you being together? What is your FI doing to communicate to you his eagerness to make this happen with you? All I read from him is why it cannot happen, absolutely no texts on how he is saving and will do everything he can to supplement what you don't have while you look. If you're the one who is prioritizing these things then the relationship is lopsided and unless he is as interested in making it work as much as you are then it will not. And you may have to decide if it's worth it.

MyNameIsNot · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-afford-to-live-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c61979d0-8a69-40ae-9980-a8534218c702Post:a51ff05c-92f5-451c-8c59-f9945e3db4d8">Re:Can't afford to live together</a>:
[QUOTE]Second, while I don't for a second think it's a good idea for OP to move in with her FI at this point for a myriad of reasons, the idea that BOTH parties need to make an income capable of supporting them on its own is also a bit far fetched to me. Should there be some plan or safety net in case one of you loses your job? Sure. But there are tons of SAHMs out there or couples with a large income disparity where the lesser earner's salary wouldn't be enough to support them alone. It's a risk, but it's not across the board irresponsible or immature, depending on security of the breadwinner's job, savings, or the ability to live short term on the alternate income. Again, not disagreeing with this specific case, just some of the statements made as a general rule.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>I think you make a good point about SAHM/D and income disparities situations, but I think it's still a good idea for everyone to work and support themselves on their own for a little while before moving in with someone else. </div><div>
</div><div>Even if the couple has figured out how to budget responsibilty with one income, the non-bread winner partner should have the ability to take care of things on their own, whether that means means moving or major cutbacks. How many women have you heard of that have been completely screwed after divorce/death/illness because they'd gone straight from living with their parents to living with a spouse who paid all the bills? They may have income, but without having learned how to make it on their own, they don't have the skills and confidence to do it again.</div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, in this case I think the problem is that OP's FI is financially immature and that he needs to figure out how to support himself without relying on his mother before they get married. </div>

LizM61409 · January 2013

After an ex and I broke up, I instituted a rule that a guy must have his sh*t together before I would consider dating him. Sh*t together = having a real career-type job AND not living with his parents. (This ex drove home each of those points for me). I'm sorry, but if you're a guy in your 20s and can't do each of those things then you're not ready for a real adult relationship IMO. (And before everyone gets upset at me b/c the economy sucks, FI has a friend who was laid off from his engineering job due to the economy and temporarily lived with his parents, but I would have considered him to have his sh*t together because he was actively searching for work the entire time and moved out the instant he found something even though he needed to find a roommate on Craigslist to make it affordable)

Also, the question below is from Dear Prudence. I only post it because it's from today's article. Don't take it harshly but we've never met so you never know....

Dear Prudie,
My friend "Michelle" lost her financial marketing job about a year ago. She has gone on a number of interviews over the last 12 months but nothing has ever come of them. Not too long ago I ran into her when she was on her way to another interview and she was wearing black Capri pants, a fuchsia blazer, and ballet flats. Now I don't work in finance but I have gone on my fair share of interviews and her outfit was clearly not appropriate, especially since finance is such a conservative industry. I'm worried that her appearance at these interviews is disqualifying her before she even opens her mouth. Is there a good way to approach this topic with her without offending her? To encourage her to get a new suit? Or should I simply stay quiet?

LizM61409 · January 2013

Other things I just thought of about your job search (again don't be offended by my speculations but 30 interviews and no job makes ya wonder)- aside from wearing a suit- is there anything else about your appearance that would turn people off like tatoos, piercings, cleavage, too much or too weird make-up or jewelry? Get some opinions on your interview look from people who know you.

Also, google yourself. Make sure there's nothing bad out there that would make an employer hesitate. Look up your facebook profile as viewed by the public to make sure your privacy settings are appropriate. Untag yourself from any pictures with alcohol or that would otherwise make you look irresponsible. I can't figure out a way to totally hide your profile pic from the public so make sure it's a nice boring picture and not you partying with your friends.

Make sure potential employers know WHY you want to move- state it in your cover letter and bring it up at the interview (yes, even if they don't ask you first). People tend to be hesitant to hire someone with no ties to the area b/c they want people who will stick around for a while.

And be nice to EVERYONE there. If you are rude to the administrative assistant you will NOT be hired.

katiej1218 · January 2013

I always wear either a skirt or pant suit and heels. I don't have any tattoos or piercings, and I never wear make up. My Facebook does not have my last name on it, but regardless, I do not have anything incriminating on there, because I'm a boring person (I don't party and rarely drink). My job search is only in my home state, because at the present time, I'm only certified in NJ.

I understand that you're trying to help, but let me assure you, I am busting my ass off to get a job. I have applied to every posting within a 45 minute radius. I started teaching these SAT classes to add something to my resume. I did a long term sub position in a terrible school district back in September. My lack of teaching job is not from lack of trying or lack of professionalism. I don't know why I don't have a job yet, but I have taken all the proper steps to try to get one.

LizM61409 · January 2013

I know you're trying hard and I didn't mean to be rude, but again we've never met so just wanted to make sure there's nothing obvious that your friends were afraid to point out :-)

Also, are you teaching with Kaplan? I used to, and every so often they gave me a copy of my students' reviews of me. Maybe you could bring a copy of your awesome reviews to interviews. Good luck!

spennington2571 · January 2013

There is so much good advice here for the OP. The one thing that stuck in my mind was someone saying that he is putting his creature comforts above you....BIG bingo. I mean this respectfully, but your fiance is being selfish. I understand being financially stable, truly I do, however, if you truly love someone and NEED to be with them because it hurts too much to not be, which in my opinion is the only reason you should marry someone, you find a way. I smiled at the poster who mentioned Ramen noodle bowls and PBJ...BEEN THERE, and now those times are some of the most precious memories I have. We don't have everything we want, but we get by and we have each other, and through every struggle and every difficulty over the last two years of living together, including our car blowing up, him not being able to find work for a year after moving here from four hours away, the water being turned off for a day because we could not pay the bill, etc., we snuggled up, made each other smile and laugh and made it through. He is literally my best friend!

jcg23 · January 2013

I agree with others. This guy sounds like an ex I had, he was his grandma's and mom's world he was spoiled to death! This boy doesn't sound like he WANTS to move out at all. It concerns me. I know you love him, I respect that, but even if it were making arrangements to living in a parent's house if they were to allow it then he should be willing to do that. Heck me and my FI lived w/ his parents for a year before we got a house. Now I'm not saying buy a house a small apartment will do, But we do struggle as we are currently on the ramen and pbj diet. It is great though because it only makes you closer. But your FI is spending money on things that aren't necessary and is saying he can't afford to move out?? I bet if he'd quit spending money on things like dvds and vitamins he would be able to save tons of money. GNC is VERY expensive. I went in there once to help gain weight because at the time I was trying to go into the military and in order to really do that I had to gain weight (which both those never ended up happening) but it's sticker shock to say the least. But the dvds and all that, there is NO reason for that. His mom's probably making any little want of him moving out disappear. I would definitely not get married until he shows some kind of financial responsibility. You are busting your butt to be with him but he doesn't seem to be doing anywhere near as much for you. I don't doubt your trying. You sound very responsible. I really do hope he changes for you but often spoiled children will only become spoiled adult children meaning if he does move out he may expect everything from you that he does his mother. Like support him, as well as doing the house work while he sits on the couch watching tv. I know this is a harsh reality but I have seen this so many times I can't even count. If you ever watch the big bang theory I imagine he's like howard, except it won't be funny. But this is definitely something to think about. I do hope for the best for you, you seem like a very sweet girl. Good luck.

HobokensFury · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-afford-to-live-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c61979d0-8a69-40ae-9980-a8534218c702Post:0d7f90d7-208a-4aa4-8964-e725a337688f">Re: Can't afford to live together</a>:
[QUOTE]I always wear either a skirt or pant suit and heels. I don't have any tattoos or piercings, and I never wear make up. My Facebook does not have my last name on it, but regardless, I do not have anything incriminating on there, because I'm a boring person (I don't party and rarely drink). My job search is only in my home state, because at the present time, I'm only certified in NJ. I understand that you're trying to help, but let me assure you, I am busting my ass off to get a job. I have applied to every posting within a 45 minute radius. I started teaching these SAT classes to add something to my resume. I did a long term sub position in a terrible school district back in September. My lack of teaching job is not from lack of trying or lack of professionalism. I don't know why I don't have a job yet, but I have taken all the proper steps to try to get one.
Posted by katiej1218[/QUOTE]

Don't worry Katie. I know exactly what you're going through. It took my husband 3 years to get a full time teaching job. He must have sent out 400 resumes and went on like 50 interviews. What non teachers don't realize is that there are so many experienced teachers out there without jobs that districts woun't hire new teachers. With all of the mentoring requirements our state has for new teachers it's added work for admins therefore they always hire someone who has already met the mentoring requirements so they don't have to do the work. Sad but true.

katiej1218 · January 2013

In Response to Re:Can't afford to live together:[QUOTE]I don't Liz was in any way trying to imply that aren't busting your ass. She was simply being helpful by covering some bases that believe it or not, a lot of people overlook. She wasnt insulting you, she was honestly trying to help.

How far are you getting in the interview process? If you're getting called in for all these initial interviews and not being asked back for even a second interview by any of them, then it's time to dig deeper because it's something in your interviewing or the research on you AFTER that first interview that is likely causing problems.

Do you have a Masters or did you go through a nontraditional certification process? Both of these can hurt your chances of getting hired in an economy like this where so many teachers with more experience are also looking, but could be addressed tactfully in an interview to maybe help your chances.

Also, if you haven't already, I would highly recommend having a friend or family member pose as a potential employer and call your references. You would be utterly shocked by the number of people who have a reference on their rsum that torpedoes their job chances. And every one of those applicants would swear that wasn't the issue if asked because they absolutely KNOW that everyone they've listed adores them.

Finally, it's a good idea to pay the 50 bucks to run a legitimate background check on yourself. I had a warrant out for my arrest in another state for almost 2 years with no idea because it was the result of a clerical error. It's not super likely, but it is possible something is flagging in your background Checks or credit checks that are making schools balk. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I graduated in May. I majored in math and secondary education, and I now have my bachelor's degree in mathematics and my CEAS in mathematics. I have made the second round of interviews several times and I have done demo lessons.
During my long term sub job, I was required to get a criminal background check. It came back clear. I can look into my references, but I do know that my coop is very eager to help me.
Thank you for the advice. I do know that you are trying to help, but I also know that I'm a good candidate. It is possible I may have to work on my interviewing skills, but I feel that I'm doing everything else to the best of my ability.

To everyone else: thank you for the advice regarding my original post. I am having a talk with him either today or tomorrow when I see him. I know that he loves me, but I also know that I need to reel him in a lot when it comes to his spending. I also need to make him aware that just because we're getting married in July does not mean I'll magically have a full time job by then, and he has put an unfair amount of pressure on me. He used to say that once I got my teaching job, I'd be the "breadwinner" and my salary would cover most of our expenses. He has lived on his own before, but I think he has an unrealistic perspective on how much things cost and how good his job actually is.

lyndausvi · January 2013

Your follow-ups makes me wondering if you even have a plan. Your FI lives in another states an hour away. You are looking for full-time jobs within a 45 miles radius. What if you did get a full time job 45 miles in the opposite direction of your FI's job? Where would you live? Would he be willing to drive a far distance to his job?

I'm not sure if you mentioned what state you FI lives in, but have you thought about getting certified in that state to open up your options?

Teacher or not, it's not easy to find a job right now. It took me months to get a job last year. I was depressed and getting furstrated, which just added to the depression. My DH was let go last year. He is a chef. LA unemployement is a joke. So he decided that he would try and work flipping burgers or at pizza place for a little while. He has fond memories of working at those type places and wanted to get back to his roots. Not one place wanted to hire him because he had too much expereince. I had to laugh because there are a-holes going off that people on unemployement should just go and flip burgers to make a living. Here my DH is experienced at that and the companies didn't want him.

Ugh, sorry for the tangent. Point is it's tough out there. Experienced people are having a tough time. I can't imagine how hard it is for less expereinced people. Look outside the box. Find out ways to interview better. Get certified in FI's state to open up some options. I have some teacher friends who work in daycares. Ideal? Not really, but it's something.

Keep your head up, something will come around.

Can't afford to live together

Re: Can't afford to live together

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