Self invited bridesmaid

jtuttle12001 · April 2010

My Boyfriend and I just got engaged. Within a day, my future sister-in-law asked if I decided on my bridal party and I said no. I told her that her brother and I are planning a very small wedding and we are only planning to have one or two bridesmaids and groomsmen in the party and we had a number of things to talk about. She kept asking me if she in party until I said yes. The truth is I had only already decided that I wanted my two best friends from childhood to be my bridesmaids and my finance was fine with that. My boyfriend and I don't want a big wedding party and if I include her in my wedding party, all my other sister-in-laws will be upset that they weren't included. I was trying avoid any drama, but that didn't work out. I'm not sure how to handle it now. Any thoughts.

tigerlily25 · April 2010

Just go with it. One more isnt going to make that much of a difference, and you'll end up with more drama if you tell her you've changed your mind/didn't mean it. However, I'm not sure how to handle the jealous SIL's. Maybe include them in other ways, like having them do a reading at the ceremony, or something? I know you were hoping for something small, but people will probably be disapointed.

Schroeder246 · April 2010

Yuck. Well, as much as she definitely shouldn't have been asking you if she was a bridesmaid, you kind of shot yourself in the foot by saying yes.

You cannot un-bridesmaid her now that you have told her she's in. So your choices come down to: 1) hope that the other SILs have more tact and don't ask questions, and keep your bridesmaids to three, or 2) go further from your ideal WP and add in the other SILs. There really isn't much else besides that.

Plenty of people have pushy family members/friends in their lives - you were doing the right thing by brushing her off and saying that it would be a small party. I guess just let this be a lesson to you that you need to stand stronger with your desires during the planning process. Don't let other people push you around!

lalap69 · April 2010

Unfortunately, by saying yes, you've sealed your own fate. It was rude of her to badger you like this, but since you've agreed, it will reflect really badly on you to kick her out.

You should have said something like "oh we haven't even thought about it yet. Have you tried the bean dip?" and kept changing the subject.

You can have her as well as your 2 childhood friends (sides don't have to be even) and talk to your FI about if and how you'd want to include your other FSIL's. Just please don't give them jobs like "guestbook attendant" as that's a crappy job that no one wants to do.

deepcovejackie · April 2010

If you said she's in the wedding party, she's in the wedding party. You can't kick her out now without looking like a major bridezilla. So now you have three bridesmaids.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_self-invited-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ed604d4-b168-44a4-9b78-100e0b55f51cPost:fd2bdcbe-114f-4984-87b1-99e48f9b7ff5">Self invited bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]My Boyfriend and I just got engaged. Within a day, my future sister-in-law asked if I decided on my bridal party and I said no. I told her that her brother and I are planning a very small wedding and we are only planning to have one or two bridesmaids and groomsmen in the party and we had a number of things to talk about. She kept asking me if she in party until I said yes. The truth is I had only already decided that I wanted my two best friends from childhood to be my bridesmaids and my finance was fine with that. My boyfriend and I don't want a big wedding party and if I include her in my wedding party, all my other sister-in-laws will be upset that they weren't included. I was trying avoid any drama, but that didn't work out. I'm not sure how to handle it now. Any thoughts.
Posted by jtuttle12001[/QUOTE]
You're kind of stuck now, you told her she could be in your wedding party. I would definitely invite her sisters to be part of the wedding party as well.

p.s. he is your fiance now, not boyfriend :)

Sarah&Nick0530 · April 2010

As lousy as it is, you're stuck with her. Sorry, you can't un-invite someone...(and my FI is really feeling it with one of his GM now...)

blackfire5th · April 2010

If you don't have the rest of your FSIL's participate in the ceremony, you could get all immediate family members a corsage or bout.

xoxob · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_self-invited-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ed604d4-b168-44a4-9b78-100e0b55f51cPost:160b2e41-307d-4295-b2a7-1afc6ec78946">Re: Self invited bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't have the rest of your FSIL's participate in the ceremony, you could get all immediate family members a corsage or bout.
Posted by blackfire5th[/QUOTE]

I think this is a really thoughtful idea.

Niks A one day · April 2010

I agree, you're stuck with her now.

As far as the other SILs, I understand not wanting drama, but still wanting to keep your party small. Sooo, here's my ideas to include them without it being crappy.

- Have them each walk down the aisle carrying a candle and place it in a candlabra near the altar, then take a seat in the front row, or...

- Have them each carry a single rose (or whatever flower you're using in the wedding) and preesent them to the mothers and take a seat in the front row

These are things I've seen done at other weddings and it seemed to satisfy the women because they got to be a part of the actual ceremony and walk down the aisle like the regular BMs, but didnt crowd the front.

Self invited bridesmaid

Re: Self invited bridesmaid

Choose Another Board

Search Boards