Curious

andyandhillary · March 2010

I'm only 23 and I have a friend that bemoans not being married yet constantly. She also gives off the "looking for a husband" vibe which only creeps out guys more. She wants my dating suggestions but 1) never takes the bit of advice I do have and b) I don't have much to offer as I met FI when I was 17. Not exactly a lot of experience with men past the age of 20 lol.

Before I met FI I was a huge flirt and just always wanted a guy to "have" versus a relationship (sounds worse than it is). If I were single now I'd probably still be a huge flirt because it's my personality and continue to have short relationships. Prior to meeting FI, I didn't want to get married until I was 27 at the earliest. Oops.

tenofcups4me · March 2010

I didn't get married the first time till I was 39 so yes, I completely understand going through periods of "wanting to be married" just as a general state of being. It didn't mean my life was sad or I was wasting it away on wishing or anything else nearly as pathetic as you're making your friends out to be -- simply that I wanted to share my life with someone else. And the more I saw that happening for people around me, the more I wanted it for myself. I wasn't desperate and I certainly didn't jump into marriage with just anyone as a way to get married...but I wanted to get married.

As several people have mentioned, it's really easy to say you'd just be enjoying your 20s if you weren't getting married...when you are in fact getting married and you have no idea how you'd feel if you weren't.

RELAX0X0X0X0 · March 2010

I think you're being very insensitive to these people you call your best friends. I have friends who are in the same situation. They're out living their lives, but at the end of the day, the long for a partnership. It's really easy to sit on the inside in a committed relationship with a partner and judge someone on the outside as weak or pathetic for wanting what you have. How the hell would you know what that feels like-- you have it! And there's absolutely no way you can relate how you think you would feel to how they actually feel. If you were my friend and I found out that you were judging me for having real, genuine feelings, you wouldn't be my friend for much longer.

Nebb · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96922d57-f0e0-4600-9624-96f95d78b7d2Post:f8bfd811-c6c9-4717-893e-e94fef43d528">Re: Curious</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Curious : Haha, you may be singing a different tune if you were listening to them!
Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]
Not at all, my best friend is single and bemoans the fact that she cant find a good guy, is the only one in our group single, etc etc. I get it, I would feel the same if I was in her shoes. I dont find it annoying, sad, or any of the other words youve used to describe it, I just think its honest.

L-Bride · March 2010

I don't think my friends are pathetic which is why I don't think they should be worried about not getting married. A couple of my friends ARE acting like their lives are being wasted away by being single. Yes, I think that's strange.

I would like to add that I would be fine if I weren't engaged right now. I was raised to know I can make my own life happy. FI brings me a lot of joy but he doesn't define my happiness by any means.

MeaghanandMichael · March 2010

Well considering they all judged me as lame for wanting to get married so young, I am feeling very judgy towards them today.

I can certainly buy that I don't know how they feel and I think many of you are pretty right. I do think you are reading between the lines of what I am saying though. So, I will say it again. I can completely understand wanting a partner and don't think that in itself is pathetic in the least. But, I can't completely understand when every conversation I have with you is centered on when Mr. Right will show up and how absolutely horrible your life is because he hasn't. There is more to life and I wouldn't mind tlaking about it with you, friend.

L-Bride · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96922d57-f0e0-4600-9624-96f95d78b7d2Post:8e5f844f-b0ee-44e2-a1a0-20fc40794dbe">Re: Curious</a>:
[QUOTE]Well considering they all judged me as lame for wanting to get married so young, I am feeling very judgy towards them today. I can certainly buy that I don't know how they feel and I think many of you are pretty right. I do think you are reading between the lines of what I am saying though. So, I will say it again. I can completely understand wanting a partner and don't think that in itself is pathetic in the least. But, I can't completely understand when every conversation I have with you is centered on when Mr. Right will show up and how absolutely horrible your life is because he hasn't. There is more to life and I wouldn't mind tlaking about it with you, friend.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

This is exactly how I feel.

Relaxxox - Yes, these people are my best friends and I am honest with them. If you're implying I'm a bad friend all I can do is chuckle.

ZoeTheDog · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96922d57-f0e0-4600-9624-96f95d78b7d2Post:d16a19ce-3240-46bb-b9f1-d3381e5cd499">Re: Curious</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm only 23 and I have a friend that bemoans not being married yet constantly. She also gives off the "looking for a husband" vibe which only creeps out guys more. She wants my dating suggestions but 1) never takes the bit of advice I do have and b) I don't have much to offer as I met FI when I was 17. Not exactly a lot of experience with men past the age of 20 lol. Before I met FI I was a huge flirt and just always wanted a guy to "have" versus a relationship (sounds worse than it is). If I were single now I'd probably still be a huge flirt because it's my personality and continue to have short relationships. Prior to meeting FI, I didn't want to get married until I was 27 at the earliest. Oops.
Posted by andyandhillary[/QUOTE]

I dated several guys seriously before my FI and my BM constantly asks my opinion on her dating life. Which in turn, also gets ignored, just like Andyand. She's even given me the "silent treatment" for days after asking for my "honest" opinion, which she clearly doesn't like.

RELAX0X0X0X0 · March 2010

Well I wouldn't exactly nominate someone who judges her friends for wanting to be in a committed relationship for the friendship of the year award.

L-Bride · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96922d57-f0e0-4600-9624-96f95d78b7d2Post:f485bf3b-317a-4fb9-9d93-55e672208c59">Re: Curious</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I wouldn't exactly nominate someone who judges her friends for wanting to be in a committed relationship for the friendship of the year award.
Posted by RELAX0X0X0X0[/QUOTE]

Is there an award for that?

-This posted on another thread first for some reason...

ZoeTheDog · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96922d57-f0e0-4600-9624-96f95d78b7d2Post:f485bf3b-317a-4fb9-9d93-55e672208c59">Re: Curious</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I wouldn't exactly nominate someone who judges her friends for wanting to be in a committed relationship for the friendship of the year award.
Posted by RELAX0X0X0X0[/QUOTE]

Hey there, just RELAXXXXXXXXXXX. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-sealed.gif" border="0" alt="Sealed" title="Sealed" />

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

I honestly met FI when I did not have a clue I was even looking for something serious. It just happened. So I have no advice for my single friends on how to meet men!

I don't know. I can see sort of freaking out if you are approaching your late 20s and you want kids someday, because the window for that isn't infinite. I love having the support of FI, but most of my friends are single now, and none are married, so I wouldn't be "competing" with them per se. Easy for me to say.

Curious

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