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I Want To Postpone My Wedding -long

amberlynnedamberlynned member
500 Comments
in African American Weddings
So as you all know, FI and I were extrememly over budget, and just now the caterer just told us our total was $5000 more than we initially thought. I don't know what we are going to do...there's nothing we can do to cut everything down. Even if we eliminate EVERYTHING thats extra (including our photographer) we're still short.

The second thing thats making me want to postpone it is the family. His pregnant cousin is due 2 days before our wedding so that entire family is not coming, and his uncle was recently diagnosed with cancer, & is undergoing extreme chemotherapy. This means that not only he cannot come, but FIs grandmother, aunts, etc. will be staying behind as well. 

Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I don't want to get married if FI's grandmother cant come. I don't have any grandparents alive and it means a lot to me.

That all being said, we are about 2 months away from the wedding and I know some have already arranged time off work and booked plane tickets to come. Is it too late to push it back 6 months to a year? Should I even be entertaining this thought or should I suck it up, get a second job, and go through with it grandma or no grandma?

Sorry this was so long, but I'm really considering it,.... even though I know I shouldn't be....
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Re: I Want To Postpone My Wedding -long

  • tamtam7tamtam7 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's a tough one.  Considering the fact that it's only two months away, I'm not so sure that's a good move.  I think that it may be more costly if you postpone it, because would your vendors be able to transfer their services if you pushed it back?  Also, the fact that your guests have already made travel arrangements to come to your wedding concerns me.  I understand what you're saying though.  I  hate that FI's grandma and other relatives can't make it and the budget thing is definately an appealing reason to push it back.  What does your parents say?  Can they possibly help contribute to the expenses?  What does Fi think about pushing it back?
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  • mahoganieyesmahoganieyes
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Tam! Have you cut back or eliminated the hm. Would your venue reduce the price if the reception was held at a different time. What about limo, or cutting back with rehearsal dinner. I hope this will work out for you!


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  • missrekaeaglemissrekaeagle
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry you're going through so much so close to your wedding date. I totally understand you about the money issue because my FI and I just found out the caterer is trying to charge us $2000 more than expected and the venue is charging us an extra $1500. We found a local restaurant that caters though for a lot cheaper and we've found a new reception venue that's a lot cheaper as well. Is your caterer required? Would it be cheaper to find another one on such short notice?
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  • PB-Bride2010PB-Bride2010
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Tam canceling your wedding so close to the date might not be good.  Plus you're guest already made arraignment to attend and if you chose to cancel this would possible cause problems within the family.  Can you look to change the menu to something less expensive? Just think long and hard about your decision and keep us posted.
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  • bbyckesbbyckes member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't cancel at this point, but scale down whatever you have decided on for the reception food. This means food, and alcohol.  Instead of an open bar, have beer and wine.  Instead of passed appetizer, do a crudite set-up with cheese and fruit.  Also, scale down on the elaborateness of your cake.  You can scale back without being chintzy. 

    It's sad that his grandparent won't be able to make it - take lots of pics.  Also cut your videographer.  Plus, also since you will not have to pay for those extra people, you should save some money there.

    PM me if you need to talk.  I'll help you out anyway I can. I know this is terrible, I hope your stress eases.
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  • sdstephens2010sdstephens2010
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow...that's a tough one. My cousin eliminated her flowers and used ferns through-out the church, which saved her a lot of money. Maybe you can do something similar. Her centerpieces on the tables were glass vases with tree branches and it was so cool. Also, maybe you can have a cocktail reception for one hour...maybe. I had a cocktail reception and everyone was stuffed. Just some ideas...
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  • KMB611KMB611 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else. I would consider bbyckes idea of scaling down the reception. Ask the venue or caterer if you can have an appetizer reception. I would still get a small cake for you and FI to cut, but have other desserts such as brownies, cheesecake, fruti, etc. instead of a big elaborate cake. If you do want a  cake, think about having separated cakes that aren't as labor intensive and stay away from elaborate flavors.
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  • ladylumladylum member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Scaling down is always a good choice but I strongly advise having the ceremony and reception on video only because his family will not be there and this is a good way to share it with them. You can cut out the videographer but see if someone has a camcorder to record the ceremony and reception. None of my or FI's grandparents were there so when we get our DVD, we are going to them with our video so they can share in our joy of being married even if they were not there.
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  • MypasmitaMypasmita
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Oh WOW, sorry you have such a hard decision to make.
    I agree that you should try to figure out how much you will loose if you have to change the date, and only you can decide whether that's a choice you want to make.
    Also as pp ask, what else can you cut? It's 2 months out, have you sent invites? did you do STD? Can you cut sown your guestlist even more? Favors?

    Samething for his grandma. How does HE feel about it? You may want to compensate for yours but it may not be a dealbreaker for him. Sorry though. I am dying here knowing my grandma will not be there for our wedding, so I understand

    Hang in there.
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  • amberlynnedamberlynned member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you ladies,

    I know postponing the wedding so close to the date is impossible & irresponsible. We will move ahead as planned. We talked to my parents and they have offered to help. We're going to make sure we have good video of the wedding for those that can't be there and just move on. We'll also be making some more cuts. 

    Its just a headache at this point. Thanks for the advice ladies....
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  • leilahaustinleilahaustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Good luck.  I hope everything works out for you!
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  • KMB611KMB611 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Stay positive. I'm sure everything will work out.
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