Mother-in-law Zilla!

ashgreen33 · May 2010

My future mother-in-law has been so difficult to work with! As we know, it is proper etiquette for the groom's family and bride's family to only pay for certain parts of the wedding. My fiance's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner and the tuxedos. Everything is being paid for by parents or out of my own pocket! But his mother will not stop complaining about the money she is having to spend - and it is making things incredibly difficult! We got our tuxedos reserved and were able to get a significant discount, but that still isn't enough for her! She is being too cheap to even rent shoes for the men who are wearing tuxedos! She wants them to get their own shoes to wear!

This is just one example of how difficult she is being. I don't know how to handle her! I don't want to be rude, since she is not MY mother. And my fiance has tried to talk to her, but it does not change a thing. I feel bad for my parents who have had to pick up the tab on what she won't pay for - even though she agreed to paying for those things! It is so frustrating! Does anyone have any advice on how to handle her? Please help before i snap!

AutumnFair · May 2010

In this day in age the norm is that the bride and groom to pay for their own wedding not the parents. Also Tuxedos are usually the issue of the WP members not parents (kind of like how Bridesmaids dresses are the ladies responsibilty). But if the parents have volunteered to pay, then that's fine. I see this a classic example of miscommunication.

When parents volunteer money you need to sit down and work with them on how much they are willing to spend and where they want to contribute to. If you want more than what the parent's budget is you need to split the bill in the specific areas or cut back to fit the budget given to you. Sounds like you didn't do this with his mom and now she is being difficult. I'm betting she didn't realize how much tuxs and RD would be and now is back peddling. You and FI need to sit down with her and ask the questions I stated above.

blk1978 · May 2010

Please let me know also!! I am paying for the wedding. Both of my parents are deceased so it fell into my lap. My M-I-L is paying for the rehersal dinner and has given us $2,000 for the hall. She volunteered to pay for the favors. She called me CRYING on the phone telling me how there is just no way she can help us out anymore. Why you ask? Her daughter is getting married next year and must have the best of the best. Her daughter's food alone is equal to our entire receiption and we are having 100 more guests than she is!!! There is no easy way to deal with this situation so I've decided to take the "kill her with kindness" approach. I am going to scrimp and save so she does not have to pay for 1 more thing.

kristi-ji · May 2010

I'm sorry my dear.I'm going through something very similar, just reverse the families. But, after speaking with my father and learning more about his financial situation, I realized that ettique offers guidelines, not what one "must" do. After an honest discussion about what he could give (which I was beyond grateful for), my FI and I adjusted our budget so that we could take care of the rest. Is there something your Mother in Law isn't telling you? Can she even afford to give what she is? I understand your frustration if she already agreed to it, but unfortunately, you can't pull money out from someone else's pockets - and to be perfectly honest, all of my groomsmen and bridesmaids paid for their own dresses and rentals. Sit her down, talk to her, and ask her what she can afford to take care of, and then let her know that you will take care of the rest. This should not be a guilt trip! It's not her responsibility to pay for your wedding, no matter how awful or awkward her timing and attitude might be. The old days of "who pays for what" are long gone, and it's more or less just a matter of having an honest conversation with everyone involved so that you can agree on a budget.
Speaking to the "shoes" thing, why not have them buy their own shoes? After contemplating renting them for $35 dollars, I decided to just go out, find some sales and buy them (ended up with about $55 each) so that they would have nice shoes for, well, nearly a lifetime. Made more sense that purchasing glorified bowling shoes for the evening.
Good luck! and keep things in perspective. It's not as important as your relationship with your future mother in law.

jagore08 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:81f1207c-5b08-4eac-809a-5e77975dbd2aPost:c290522e-cd48-43e6-86b3-dc6b615d09f9">Mother-in-law Zilla!</a>:
[QUOTE]My future mother-in-law has been so difficult to work with! As we know, it is proper etiquette for the groom's family and bride's family to only pay for certain parts of the wedding. My fiance's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner and the tuxedos. Everything is being paid for by parents or out of my own pocket! But his mother will not stop complaining about the money she is having to spend - and it is making things incredibly difficult! We got our tuxedos reserved and were able to get a significant discount, but that still isn't enough for her! She is being too cheap to even rent shoes for the men who are wearing tuxedos! She wants them to get their own shoes to wear! This is just one example of how difficult she is being. I don't know how to handle her! I don't want to be rude, since she is not MY mother. And my fiance has tried to talk to her, but it does not change a thing. I feel bad for my parents who have had to pick up the tab on what she won't pay for - even though she agreed to paying for those things! It is so frustrating! Does anyone have any advice on how to handle her? Please help before i snap! :)
Posted by ashgreen33[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>It's not "etiquette" that your parents pay for anything for YOUR wedding. If you want a wedding and don't want to hear people complain then pay for it yourselves. It's VERY kind that they are giving you money for any part of your wedding. As for the shoes for the guys. Any wedding party member should know that it's their responsibility to pay for their own attire, it's part of the job. The girls, I assume, are paying for their dresses and their own shoes? It was very nice of your FMIL to pay for their tuxes and I'm sure the cost of renting shoes in minimal compared to the cost of the tuxes. You should <em>thank </em>your FMIL for helping with all that she has.</div><div>
</div><div>The majority of the ladies on these boards are paying for every cent of their own weddings. No help from anyone. You should be a little more appreciative of what has been offered to you and your FI. If it bothers you that she's not paying for their shoes then pay for them yourself. That way it's taken care of and you won't hear anything else from your FMIL.

</div>

trix1223 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:81f1207c-5b08-4eac-809a-5e77975dbd2aPost:c290522e-cd48-43e6-86b3-dc6b615d09f9">Mother-in-law Zilla!</a>:
[QUOTE]My future mother-in-law has been so difficult to work with! As we know, it is proper etiquette for the groom's family and bride's family to only pay for certain parts of the wedding. My fiance's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner and the tuxedos. Everything is being paid for by parents or out of my own pocket! But his mother will not stop complaining about the money she is having to spend - and it is making things incredibly difficult! We got our tuxedos reserved and were able to get a significant discount, but that still isn't enough for her! She is being too cheap to even rent shoes for the men who are wearing tuxedos! She wants them to get their own shoes to wear! This is just one example of how difficult she is being. I don't know how to handle her! I don't want to be rude, since she is not MY mother. And my fiance has tried to talk to her, but it does not change a thing. I feel bad for my parents who have had to pick up the tab on what she won't pay for - even though she agreed to paying for those things! It is so frustrating! Does anyone have any advice on how to handle her? Please help before i snap! :)
Posted by ashgreen33[/QUOTE]

Actually, that "etiquette" that you so boldly quoted is from the days when a woman lived at her parent's home until the day her father paid the dowry and the man carried her off.

Today, many couples, who have their educations and jobs pay for their own weddings. Your FMIL is NOT being any kind of 'zilla. She has legitimate concerns about spending money in a difficult economy.

Since she offered to pay for the tuxes and RD, you owed it to her to find out her budget first. If you didn't do that, but just went ahead and picked out tuxes, you're wrong-not her. It's her money. She gets a say in how it should be spent.

If you didn't find out what she was comfortable spending for an RD, you should have. Again, it's her money. She gets a say in how it should be spent.

Your conversation should be "FMIL, I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed about our wedding. That's the last thing we want. We are so grateful for your support of us as a couple, and we have decided that we made a big mistake in not asking your budget. So we'd like to make things right. We're going to pay for the tuxes and RD ourselves. We want nothing more than for you to enjoy our wedding."

Then if she offers to help, you'll know where you stand. If she takes you up on the offer of you paying for everything, you'll know where you stand.

But unless you're living with your parents, and your dad is delivering 5 donkeys and 3 bushel baskets of wheat to his parents, you're asking for a 2010 wedding while using 1930's etiquette.

bbyckes · May 2010

Sweetheart, your FMIL is under no obligation to pay for any of these things.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:81f1207c-5b08-4eac-809a-5e77975dbd2aPost:1caddad5-308c-4fd5-91dc-d325285b7be6">Re: Mother-in-law Zilla!</a>:
[QUOTE] Any wedding party member should know that it's their responsibility to pay for their own attire, it's part of the job.
Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

This. It's the GMs responsibility to pay for their own attire. Perhaps I'd be complaining too if I were your FMIL.

And furthermore, you don't really need to "handle" her. She's not an animal.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Etiquette says that you don't ask for money from anyone. Traditionally, parents paid for weddings, because traditionally the bride went straight from her parents' house to her husband's house and had no job or income of her own. Someone fitting that definition today would be more accurately referred to as a "deadbeat."

You sound like an ungrateful brat.

LouWho19 · May 2010

I didn't even ask my own parents for money because my dad's been unemployed recently. My mother has offered to help us out with $1,000 and my in-laws are giving us $1,000 for the rehearsal dinner and $2,000 for our honeymoon so we are grateful for that help.

But I have to agree with other posters who say communication is key and also that more brides and grooms are picking up their own tabs.

jenn.daniel · May 2010

Generally the wedding party pays for their own attire. The fact that your FMIL contributes ANYTHING toward the tux rentals was very generous of her. The groomsmen can pay for shoe rental themselves.

Handle her by inviting her out for coffee and telling her you appreciate what she's alread done, and you don't want to put a strain on her finanaces. Offer to cut back on the RD. You're becoming family, and money is NOT supposed to get between family members.

If you and your parents don't want to have to pay so much, trim expenses - don't complain that others are not helping foot the bill for YOUR wedding.

baystateapple · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:81f1207c-5b08-4eac-809a-5e77975dbd2aPost:94d218b1-9e86-4588-9dbf-63fe89a879a6">Re: Mother-in-law Zilla!</a>:
[QUOTE]Please let me know also!! I am paying for the wedding. Both of my parents are deceased so it fell into my lap. My M-I-L is paying for the rehersal dinner and has given us $2,000 for the hall. She volunteered to pay for the favors. She called me CRYING on the phone telling me how there is just no way she can help us out anymore. Why you ask? Her daughter is getting married next year and must have the best of the best. Her daughter's food alone is equal to our entire receiption and we are having 100 more guests than she is!!! There is no easy way to deal with this situation so I've decided to take the "kill her with kindness" approach. I am going to scrimp and save so she does not have to pay for 1 more thing.
Posted by blk1978[/QUOTE]

...Wow.

If my FMIL offered us that amount of money, I'd be THANKING her profusely, not grumbling about what she wants to spend on her OWN DAUGHTER'S WEDDING. She's offering to pay $2000 for the hall, PLUS the rehearsal dinner, PLUS the favors. NONE of that was in any way her obligation.

Want to know how to "deal" with the situation? Put your entitlement issues aside, thank her SINCERELY, and refocus your energy into making your wedding something you and FI can afford on your own. Sheesh.

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2010

I have a cat. Sometimes he wants cat nip. He shows that he wants catnip by rolling around in his catnip spot and showing me his big ol' belly. When he does this, I rub his belly and produce the catnip. Sometimes, though, I run out of catnip. When this happens, I still rub his belly, and try to make him understand that the bag, it is empty. Then he bites me. I consider my cat to be somewhat of a bastard.

MairePoppy · May 2010

You are way out of line! Your FILs and Parents were under NO obligation to pay for anything. You and your Fi are responsible for your own wedding expenses. If anyone offers to pay for something VOLUNTARILY, it is a gift. Throw out that old etiquette book before you make other serious blunders.

All adults should be paying for their own clothing. This includes the Bride, Groom and all attendants. Make sure you find out what everyone's budget is, before you pick BM dresses and tuxes.

If the FILs volunteer to host and pay for the RD, you should thank them profusely for their generosity. If they didn't volunteer, then you and Fi should do it. Stop passing your responsibilities on to your parents.

tidetravel · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:81f1207c-5b08-4eac-809a-5e77975dbd2aPost:728df375-8d96-46c5-bcb2-3d4d5923a073">Re: Mother-in-law Zilla!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a cat. Sometimes he wants cat nip. He shows that he wants catnip by rolling around in his catnip spot and showing me his big ol' belly. When he does this, I rub his belly and produce the catnip. Sometimes, though, I run out of catnip. When this happens, I still rub his belly, and try to make him understand that the bag, it is empty. Then he bites me. I consider my cat to be somewhat of a bastard.
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

OMG. I pink, puffy <3 you.

CTGirl30 · May 2010

I think you need to be grateful other people are contributing to your wedding at all and show some appreciation for both your parents and your FIL's.

No-one is under any obligation to pay for any parts of your wedding - if you and FI are adults with jobs you certainly should be pitching in. It's very rare these days that anyone's parents are footing the entire bill, and as was noted above many of the women on these boards are paying for a good part - if not all - of their own weddings.

Instead of complaining, try looking at it from the perspective that you are very lucky to be getting any help at all. Fi and I are paying for 90% of our wedding ourselves. My parents have generously contributed what they felt comfortable contributing and FI's parents are not in a position to be able to help out financially. We're happy they're even able to travel accross the country to be here and attend our wedding. In no way, shape, or form do we hold that against them. Grow up and get some perspective here.

Whippet8 · May 2010

wow OP, just an FYI, you sound extremely selfish. You should be happy that anyone but you and your FI are contributing anything to YOUR wedding.

I think you need to take a step back and look at how you are approaching this whole situation. How you view this situation and how you deal with it will impact your relationship towards your FILs. Remember that life will exist after your wedding that is ONE day, and you will have to have a relationship with them.

melissamc2 · May 2010

I think everyone else has summed it all up pretty nicely, particularly the cat analogy.

jagore08 · May 2010

Baystate- thank you for responding to that other post. She needs a bit of a reality check too and I completely agree with everything you said.

Blk- It's a bit crappy but get over it.

And Mel- I

you too. That was hilarious. You should come on over to WP board. Your'e refreshing.

CTGirl30 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:81f1207c-5b08-4eac-809a-5e77975dbd2aPost:94d218b1-9e86-4588-9dbf-63fe89a879a6">Re: Mother-in-law Zilla!</a>:
[QUOTE]Please let me know also!! I am paying for the wedding. Both of my parents are deceased so it fell into my lap. My M-I-L is paying for the rehersal dinner and has given us $2,000 for the hall. She volunteered to pay for the favors. She called me CRYING on the phone telling me how there is just no way she can help us out anymore. Why you ask? Her daughter is getting married next year and must have the best of the best. Her daughter's food alone is equal to our entire receiption and we are having 100 more guests than she is!!! There is no easy way to deal with this situation so I've decided to take the "kill her with kindness" approach. I am going to scrimp and save so she does not have to pay for 1 more thing.
Posted by blk1978[/QUOTE]

Good. This is what you should be doing - rather than expecting other people to cover your expenses. You should also be thanking your FMIL for the RD, her contribution towards the hall and for paying for the favors. Not acting like you are doing HER a favor by sucking it up and scrimping and saving so she doesn't have to pay for one more thing. She didn't have to pay for anything to begin with!

stephweinstein · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:81f1207c-5b08-4eac-809a-5e77975dbd2aPost:54cd12cc-51bb-4e60-a035-999ccf785fd4">Re: Mother-in-law Zilla!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Mother-in-law Zilla! : Actually, that "etiquette" that you so boldly quoted is from the days when a woman lived at her parent's home until the day her father paid the dowry and the man carried her off. Today, many couples, who have their educations and jobs pay for their own weddings. Your FMIL is NOT being any kind of 'zilla. She has legitimate concerns about spending money in a difficult economy. Since she offered to pay for the tuxes and RD, you owed it to her to find out her budget first. If you didn't do that, but just went ahead and picked out tuxes, you're wrong-not her. It's her money. She gets a say in how it should be spent. If you didn't find out what she was comfortable spending for an RD, you should have. Again, it's her money. She gets a say in how it should be spent. Your conversation should be "FMIL, I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed about our wedding. That's the last thing we want. We are so grateful for your support of us as a couple, and we have decided that we made a big mistake in not asking your budget. So we'd like to make things right. We're going to pay for the tuxes and RD ourselves. We want nothing more than for you to enjoy our wedding." Then if she offers to help, you'll know where you stand. If she takes you up on the offer of you paying for everything, you'll know where you stand. But unless you're living with your parents, and your dad is delivering 5 donkeys and 3 bushel baskets of wheat to his parents, you're asking for a 2010 wedding while using 1930's etiquette.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

I would have been a little less snarky, but I agree with you. We should all be more appreciative towards those who help us.

However, I believe that if a parent decides to contribute, whether it be in a lump sum or for a specific part of the wedding that does NOT mean that they make all the decisions concerning that money. Ultimately, as mentioned, it is the bride and groom's wedding - the decisions should be up to the bride and groom. Money given with conditions set is more of an attempt at control than a gift if you ask me.

To the bride: Loosen up. I can hear your hair frizzing. This is a tiny thing - Don't let it take on epic proportions. She's going to be your MIL for a very long time and you don't want to burn any bridges.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Mel, I keep rereading your post and it makes me crack up every time.

orangejulius · May 2010

I think you should just graciously accept what your in-laws have paid for and move on. Do you know how much my in-laws have offered? $0.00....and that's fine. It would be nice to have the extra help, but we understand that it isn't their responsibility. My parents offered $5,000 + picking up the honeymoon hotel check, which is so generous of them. Everything else is being paid for by my fiance and I. Please don't start off your new life with your in-laws in a tantrum over groomsmen shoes.

laurenkae · May 2010

My FMIL is paying for the guys tuxes ect & splitting half of all reception cost with my mom & also throwing rehersal dinner.. my mom paid for my dress & half or reception & whatever else she is there to get favors ect. Me and FI have paid for cake ceremony chairs dj ect... I just couldnt imagine calling my mother & saying hey u need to pay for this when we make more $ have less bills & plus im right there to pay it why have her send a check???

orangejulius · May 2010

P.S. How do I get that 10-10-10 off my posts? Our date has changed and I can't remember how I got that there?

jagore08 · May 2010

Orange, you have to change you siggy. Scroll towards the top of the page and it's on the left under "Update Signature".

megk8oz · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:81f1207c-5b08-4eac-809a-5e77975dbd2aPost:728df375-8d96-46c5-bcb2-3d4d5923a073">Re: Mother-in-law Zilla!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a cat. Sometimes he wants cat nip. He shows that he wants catnip by rolling around in his catnip spot and showing me his big ol' belly. When he does this, I rub his belly and produce the catnip. Sometimes, though, I run out of catnip. When this happens, I still rub his belly, and try to make him understand that the bag, it is empty. Then he bites me. I consider my cat to be somewhat of a bastard.
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

Mel, I think I might hire you to be my new bee-eff-eff.

megk8oz · May 2010

OP, DH and I paid for every last dime of our entire wedding and HM ourselves. Our parents don't really have money, and honestly even if any of them had, my ILs had, they wouldn't have given it to us and if my parents offered, I'd have felt guilty, since there are far better things their money could go towards.

We busted our butts to save up and have the nicest wedding that we could without going into debt. And you know what? We actually both are incredibly proud of the fact that we were able to throw our own wedding and make it nice.

Be grateful that she's offered to help at all. It's her money, she has every right to spend it on anything she damn well pleases (Including her own daughter's wedding). You should be thanking her for her generosity, not wondering how to berate her for not "doing enough".

AutumnFair · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:81f1207c-5b08-4eac-809a-5e77975dbd2aPost:94d218b1-9e86-4588-9dbf-63fe89a879a6">Re: Mother-in-law Zilla!</a>:
[QUOTE]Please let me know also!! I am paying for the wedding. Both of my parents are deceased so it fell into my lap. My M-I-L is paying for the rehersal dinner and has given us $2,000 for the hall. She volunteered to pay for the favors. She called me CRYING on the phone telling me how there is just no way she can help us out anymore. Why you ask? Her daughter is getting married next year and must have the best of the best. Her daughter's food alone is equal to our entire receiption and we are having 100 more guests than she is!!! There is no easy way to deal with this situation so I've decided to take the "kill her with kindness" approach. I am going to scrimp and save so she does not have to pay for 1 more thing.
Posted by blk1978[/QUOTE]

<div>Even if your parents were alive (sorry for your loss) you have zero right to assume that it is your parents responsibility to pay for your wedding, that is YOU and YOUR FI's responsibility. You should be calling your FMIL up and THANKING HER for ANYTHING that she has contributed. It is her money to spend and if she wants to give her daughter a big wedding then fine, I hope her daughter appreciates because it is the daughter's responsibility to pay for her own wedding not her mom's. But if FMIL wants to do it, its her money no one has a right to tell her how she can spend it. If you are truly 32-33 years old you need to revaluate yourself because your post sounds like a greedy entitled brat.</div>

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:81f1207c-5b08-4eac-809a-5e77975dbd2aPost:a87cf51e-50a5-4c0d-9ea4-020a13ea86d8">Re: Mother-in-law Zilla!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mother-in-law Zilla! : Mel, I think I might hire you to be my new bee-eff-eff.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

I'm down. Look at that, I'm even local. Call me every five minutes.

JennaV26 · May 2010

Typically the WP pays for their own gear, our groomsmen are paying for their own tuxes, so it shouldn't be a problem for you to ask them to pay for their own shoes.

I'm in the same boat as you in that what my ILs won't pay for my parents have to and I start to feel guilty about it too, even as FI and I try to contribute everything we can. As far as dealing with your FMIL, there's really nothing you can do, or really should do, short of keeping your mouth shut and thanking her for what she is giving you.

Just remember that after the wedding these won't be issues anymore.

trix1223 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:81f1207c-5b08-4eac-809a-5e77975dbd2aPost:6b594070-15e2-4a88-ad37-f5959f3928ff">Re: Mother-in-law Zilla!</a>:
[QUOTE]Typically the WP pays for their own gear, our groomsmen are paying for their own tuxes, so it shouldn't be a problem for you to ask them to pay for their own shoes. <u><strong>I'm in the same boat as you in that what my ILs won't pay for my parents have to</strong></u> and I start to feel guilty about it too, even as FI and I try to contribute everything we can. As far as dealing with your FMIL, there's really nothing you can do, or really should do, short of keeping your mouth shut and thanking her for what she is giving you. Just remember that after the wedding these won't be issues anymore.
Posted by JennaV26[/QUOTE]

Referencing bolded part: Or you could pay for it yourself, or do without it. Just a thought

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