Remembering Late Family Members?

FutureMrsMcBride · December 2010

Hey Knotties!

My fiance's older brother committed suicide in September of this year. They were very close and it has been hell for my OH getting through the last few months. Since our engagement earlier this month, he's been doing much better but he's adament about including his brother in our wedding (which i completely agree with and support).

The only trouble is we have no idea how to do this without depressing/confusing our guests. This is especially difficult since most of my family will have no idea at all what's going on (almost my entire family is located on the other side of the country and have never met my OH).

What would you do in remembrance of a late family member?

Loopyseven · December 2010

First off - I'm sorry for your loss.

Second - I wouldn't worry too much about deciding this RIGHT NOW. You have over a year left and your feelings on the subject will probably mellow with more time. Right now emotions are still running high - especially after the first holiday without your FI's brother.

I have heard of a lot of ways to honor the deceased at weddings. Here's my two cents.

Ways I like:

Have an "In Memoriam" section in the program with close relatives that are deceased listed.

Have a moment of silence for "those who cannot be with us today" during the ceremony

A flower arrangement at the venue with a framed "In memory of so and so" out somewhere.

Things I think are creepy:

Leaving empty chairs in the venue/ceremony location for the deceased and placing flowers on them before the ceremony.

Listing the deceased as members of the wedding party (unless they had already been asked and the death happened during the planning process)

Anything too "in your face" about who is NOT there.

I think it should be something small but significant to you - Is there something your FI can carry on him that was his brothers? Anything too overt or "in your face" kind of kills the fact that they are there to CELEBRATE the start of your with you.

baystateapple · December 2010

I'm very sorry.

I agree with everything Loopy said above. For my grandmother and H's grandfather, we listed their names in the program under "In Memory" and mentioned them during the petitions during Mass. I also carried a small locket on my bouquet with my grandmother's wedding picture in it (there's a picture in my married bio). All of those were inobtrusive, and didn't upset anyone.

ehathewa · December 2010

We put a note in the program with a poem and had a moment of silence/prayer during the ceremony.

I've also seen a table with either a flower arrangement or a candle on it and pictures of your loved ones.

DramaGeek · December 2010

We had gold candles on the altar, off to the side in the advent wreath. My mom lit two (in memory of my grandfathers) and MIL lit one (in memory of H's grandfather). I think there was something in the program that said "the gold candles are lit in memory of Name, Name and Name, who are with us in spirit" or something like that.

emilyinchile · December 2010

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honoring-groomsman

Also, I get that by OH you mean fiancé, but what does the O stand for?

Remembering Late Family Members?

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