What do you think of this?

allychase · January 2013

So my FI went to a party tonight, I wasn't feeling well, and spoke to his sister who is planning her wedding. She said she wants to get married April 26, 2014... Our one year anniversary. Is this weird? Idk it just feels weird to me.. How would you feel if your sibling picked your same wedding day the year after?

mabapunta · January 2013

It would totally make me wonder why that particular date - but mainly because our wedding date has special meaning to us - it is 2 days before our 5 year anniversary together.

Maybe that date is special for them as well? Or do they have jobs/school that restrict certain months of the year? Did she just get engaged? Does she want a certain season for the wedding?

After their wedding day you would be celebrating your anniversaries separately, anyway, so is it just the wedding date itself being the same that bothers you most?

tiny speck · January 2013

I see no problem with it. It will be a Saturday, right after Easter, so for people who want a spring wedding it will likely be one of the top dates next year. I doubt it really has anything to do with you and your wedding, but I can see how you might find it annoying.

ChiGirl2013 · January 2013

You'd end up looking like the bad guy if you made a fuss over it, so I'd just say something like "How cute that you want to have the same anniversary as us. Unfortunately, we won't be able to make it, since that will be OUR 1st anniversary and we are already planning something special since we'll never have another 1st anniversary. Good luck to you guys, though."

I probably wouldn't be thrilled if my sibling wanted the same anniversary, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. I just know I wouldn't be spending my 1st anniversary at someone else's wedding.

allychase · January 2013

Chi, that's our problem with it. We love to travel and would do at least a weekend trip to celebrate our first big milestone. Out of the 365 days of the year, I just can't believe that it HAS to be the 1 day we picked. They are both teachers and want to leave for their HM immediately, and that's their spring break. I can kind of understand it but my FI and I had to delay our HM a little because of school and I feel adults have to make decisions like that sometimes. I don't see why they couldn't get married the weekend before, wait a week and take their HM over our anniversary so we could do what we want. Not going to their wedding is NOT an option in a million years and would result in awful repercussions lol.

allychase · January 2013

And to clarify having the same anniversary doesn't matter to me but the idea of spending our 1st anniversary celebrating another couple would suck. Maybe that sounds childish but its how I feel.

tiny speck · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_what-do-you-think-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:b9961aad-eef7-47e2-9108-1df20ae16fcfPost:c064b656-05bd-4d48-801f-451da8c04130">Re:What do you think of this?</a>:
[QUOTE]Chi, that's our problem with it. We love to travel and would do at least a weekend trip to celebrate our first big milestone. Out of the 365 days of the year, I just can't believe that it HAS to be the 1 day we picked. They are both teachers and want to leave for their HM immediately, and that's their spring break. I can kind of understand it but my FI and I had to delay our HM a little because of school and <strong>I feel adults have to make decisions like that sometimes</strong>. I don't see why they couldn't get married the weekend before, wait a week and take their HM over our anniversary <strong>so we could do what we want</strong>. Not going to their wedding is NOT an option in a million years and would result in awful repercussions lol.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

And as adults you have to realize that the world doesn't stop for your anniversary: I get that it's a milestone and it will only be your first anniversary once, but if that's the day they chose, and it sounds like they have good reason to, I don't see why it would be a big deal to celebrate your anniversary the next day. I can think of worse ways to spend the day than at the wedding of a family member.

ETA: I'm sorry if that's a bit harsh, I just think it's really selfish when people get upset about weddings close to their own ("OMG my cousin decided to get married the weekend before/after me..."), and this just seems like a similar situation.

allychase · January 2013

I totally understand where you're coming from. And I don't expect the world to end for my anniversary, just as she shouldn't expect the world to end for her wedding. We are entitled to spend our anniversary together as a couple instead of being in someone else's wedding party and not even seeing each other until about 6 pm that day. We want to take a trip for our anniversary. To you it may not be a big deal to celebrate your anniversary on a different day but if i wanted my anniversary on another day we wouldve gotten married on another day. And to me I would realize that that's my brother and SIL one special day of the year and could find one of the other 364 days to choose from. I don't care if she gets married the week before. I wouldn't care if they got married this year a few days after us. It just seems a little selfish to make our anniversary all about them.

anssett · January 2013

You would really choose to skip your sister's wedding over this? Instead of being in her wedding for that 1 day, and then ducking out and celebrating your anniversary?

To me that sounds very childish.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

Have you talked to them about this? They may understand and choose a different day if you explain that you really want to be there for them but that time is super important to you, too. Might be worth a shot :-) I'm sorry you've had so much family drama lately, I know you must be exhausted!!

[Deleted User] · January 2013

Honestly, I get being upset, but I don't think this is a hill to die on. It sucks but it seems to me that they're picking the day that works best with their priorities as you picked yours based on your priorities. I don't really think that wanting to go on a trip on your anniversary trumps them wanting to go on a honeymoon immediately after their wedding. Both are important to each of you for your own reasons - your own wants don't necessarily trump theirs because your wedding came first.

So, again, it sucks, but just plan the trip for the day after. You'll have the rest of your lives to celebrate alone on the day of. I think if you bring it up, it could create a whole lot of anger and hurt feelings, no matter how nicely you try to couch it.

And, on a plus side, you'll never forget their anniversary!

ChiGirl2013 · January 2013

It makes total sense now. When you're a teacher, you have to plan major events around your school schedule. That's just how it is. To ask/expect them to change their wedding, which sounds like the only week they CAN do it, is a bit much on your part.

If your anniversary trip is THAT important to you, then plan your trip, skip the wedding, and deal with whatever fallout you get from the family later on. Or reschedule your anniversary trip. You can always decline any offer to be in the wedding party, just go to the ceremony, and leave for your trip without attending the reception. Those are really your only 3 options, and 2 of them will leave you and your FI looking like selfish jerks. Me? I wouldn't give a rat's you know what who got mad at me for skipping the wedding. I'm not the type to live my life solely to please others or to avoid a little conflict. But that's me. I'd go to the ceremony and duck out when it was over..... but then again, I don't think an anniversary trip is more important than a sibling's wedding. It all comes down to whether you feel your 1st anniversary trip is more important, or if a sibling's wedding is more important, and the only one who can answer that is you.

allychase · January 2013

In Response to Re:What do you think of this?:[QUOTE]You would really choose to skip your sister's wedding over this? Instead of being in her wedding for that 1 day, and then ducking out and celebrating your anniversary?To me that sounds very childish. Posted by anssett[/QUOTE]

When did I say I wasn't going? I said I'm annoyed.

allychase · January 2013

I actually just spoke to FMIL who said they are planning to wait until summer for the HM. So now I have no idea why the date needs to be April 26th. Cause they have two weekends of spring break and if they're delaying the HM anyway why can't they go the first weekend of spring break instead of 3 days before they have to be back at work? This whole thing is confusing to me.

LuckyGirl1713 · January 2013

I would be upset if my sibling did this to me. I would not do this to my sibling or any other family member for that matter. I would feel the same way you do.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_what-do-you-think-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:b9961aad-eef7-47e2-9108-1df20ae16fcfPost:0ddeb302-fdc5-407a-9b11-205a876a6474">Re:What do you think of this?</a>:
[QUOTE]I actually just spoke to FMIL who said they are planning to wait until summer for the HM. So now I have no idea why the date needs to be April 26th. Cause they have two weekends of spring break and if they're delaying the HM anyway why can't they go the first weekend of spring break instead of 3 days before they have to be back at work? This whole thing is confusing to me.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

If you want the real answer, talk to your FSIL not FMIL. For one thing, it may get back to FSIL that you were asking FMIL about it, and FSIL might not like that. For another, FMIL may have the wrong idea.

However, I still wouldn't bring it up in a way that refers to your anniversary because, again, regardless of your intentions and whether you, me, and the wall think it's rude to plan hers for the same day, she could get uppity and call you selfish and claim that she has every right to pick whatever day she wants (which she does, honestly...it's just kind of weird to pick the same one). But you can ask her why that day is her choice and if she's planning on going on a honeymoon right after. She probably has her reasons (even if it's a budget thing - I know that doing the weekend after Easter has saved us a bundle in flowers alone, not to mention other things). THEN if you find out her choice is pretty much random, you can maybe casually mention that you and FI were already planning on being away that weekend, due to your first anniversary. Another quick question - are you saying they could move a week earlier? Because, if they're doing anything churchy, they possibly can't. I know Easter weekend was out for us at our church. As was the weekend before that for Palm Sunday...and frankly all of Lent is frowned upon...

But I still think it could cause drama to flat out ask her to move it or tell her that she's being hurtful to plan it on your first anniversary. It's totally your prerogative to do...it's just something that might not be worth the headache.

Either way...still very sorry. This sounds sucky and stressful.

eta - forgot something...

allychase · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_what-do-you-think-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:b9961aad-eef7-47e2-9108-1df20ae16fcfPost:031c11d5-66e3-44b3-9ca2-ded7d94b23ba">Re:What do you think of this?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do you think of this? : <strong>If you want the real answer, talk to your FSIL not FMIL. For one thing, it may get back to FSIL that you were asking FMIL about it, and FSIL might not like that. For another, FMIL may have the wrong idea.</strong> However, I still wouldn't bring it up in a way that refers to your anniversary because, again, regardless of your intentions and whether you, me, and the wall think it's rude to plan hers for the same day, she could get uppity and call you selfish and claim that she has every right to pick whatever day she wants (which she does, honestly...it's just kind of weird to pick the same one). But you can ask her why that day is her choice and if she's planning on going on a honeymoon right after. She probably has her reasons <strong>(even if it's a budget thing</strong> - I know that doing the weekend after Easter has saved us a bundle in flowers alone, not to mention other things). THEN if you find out her choice is pretty much random, you can maybe casually mention that you and FI were already planning on being away that weekend, due to your first anniversary. Another quick question - are you saying they could move a week earlier? Because, if they're doing anything churchy, they possibly can't. I know Easter weekend was out for us at our church. As was the weekend before that for Palm Sunday...and frankly all of Lent is frowned upon... But I still think it could cause drama to flat out ask her to move it or tell her that she's being hurtful to plan it on your first anniversary. It's totally your prerogative to do...it's just something that might not be worth the headache. Either way...still very sorry. This sounds sucky and stressful. eta - forgot something...
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>FMIL brought it up to me, I would never go out of my way to ask her about it. Trust me I'm just venting on here and suck it up in person. I may mention that we plan on being away that weekend, cause shouldn't you really clear your date with VIPs before booking it? That's what we did anyway..</div><div>
</div><div>For the second bolded, her parents are paying for everything and sky's the limit so they could get married any day they want.

</div>

vk2204 · January 2013

Just think of their wedding day as another way to celebrate your anniversary with your husband! It will be a wedding without all of the stress lol. I get being a little bothered by it, but I would try to think of it in a positive way!

But like others said, that will be a popular date, especially with it being convenient with spring break.

My cousin is also a teacher, got married April 10th, 2010 and her birthday is April 15th. I am getting married April 13th, 2013 so I am right in the middle of two of her 'celebrations', she made a comment to me in a joking way about the date and I just laughed right along with her. Think of it as a free anniversary meal

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_what-do-you-think-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:b9961aad-eef7-47e2-9108-1df20ae16fcfPost:d3a27351-1ba2-4a04-87a0-3731f557fa20">Re:What do you think of this?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do you think of this? : FMIL brought it up to me, I would never go out of my way to ask her about it. Trust me I'm just venting on here and suck it up in person. I may mention that we plan on being away that weekend, cause shouldn't you really clear your date with VIPs before booking it? That's what we did anyway.. For the second bolded, her parents are paying for everything and sky's the limit so they could get married any day they want.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

Ah gotcha. Sorry, I misinterpreted about FMIL. I didn't think you were complaining or anything - just asking about it. But I know some people who get very uptight and would consider that "talking behind their back" so I wanted to advise caution.

Anyway, II think mentioning casually that you'll be away that weekend is really the perfect way to go about it. If there isn't any monetary or religious reason, she may be swayed to change her date knowing that you guys will be out of town. You can always play dumb if she's like "but mom told you we were planning on getting married that day!!" and say "oh, really? I didn't realize it was a set thing. FI and I have been planning a one year anniversary trip for a while!" :) I hope she changes her mind. If she's doing it for no good reason, that's super weird.

rslilly1 · January 2013

I understand that your first anniversary is special, but so is their wedding. Remember, A LOT goes in to picking a wedding date. A friend of my fiance is getting married the exact same day as us- they're not that close, but we have put a few friends in an awkward situation of picking which wedding to attend. And, my two brothers got married on the same weekend one year apart- one brother spent his first anniversary on a plane and then at his brother's rehearsal.

"I don't see why they couldn't get married the weekend before, wait a week and take their HM over our anniversary so we could do what we want.
[...]
It just seems a little selfish to make our anniversary all about them."

Quite frankly, it seems that you're being the selfish one. They have the right to get married any day they want.

Actual advice time- Talk to your FSIL and first make sure she is aware that she is looking at your first anniversary as her wedding date, and perhaps gently mention that you're not in love with that idea. Then, if she decides to stick with that date anyway, smile and pretend that you couldn't imagine spending your first anniversary any other way.

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