Wedding Etiquette Forum

We eloped, what to include in a reception?

My husband and I recently eloped. Although our families are happy for the both of us, some of them feel like they missed out on a big part of our lives. Because of this we have agreed to have a reception party to celebrate -- which we are excited for and looking forward to. Now it's just the planning that needs to get done. We know where we want to have it, a sports bar -- it is where we had our first date and are now regular customers. They have a banquet room that seats up to 75 people. Because this is where we want it we are going by the limitations and having a family only reception -- his + mine is about 65 anyway. We are then looking to have a Jack & Jill outing with our friends at another time. 
A little about us and why we eloped:- We are very laid back and neither of us like to be the center of attention- Planning a wedding for me would be very stressful, I would be too concentrated on the day being perfect, and everyone else being happy before making sure that I was happy -- this is just my personality
So I am having a hard time trying to figure out what to include in our reception so that it's not just a dinner at a sports bar, but it's not a huge wedding reception either.What are the basics items/events, in your opinion that are needed that will make our families feel like they are at a wedding celebration and not just out to dinner to catch a game on the big screens?
Kate & Kevin
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Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?

  • When my aunt and uncle JOP they had their reception at a sports bar like you, the only thing the added was a DJ just because we are a dancing type of family. But really they didn't do the whole lot of traditions (besides cutting the cake), it was more of just a regular party. It was a blast.
  • Well, you already had your wedding. What you're really planning here is a party to celebrate.

    I would say make sure there's food, drinks and music. And call it a day.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:4a1221bc-6c8d-4604-9a82-a042925db4e7">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to We eloped, what to include in a reception? : If I wasn't invited to your wedding ceremony, I don't want to see a fake reception later.  No first dances, cake cutting, toasts, etc. Just get your family together to have dinner/drinks.  Maybe have a couple framed wedding photos out for everyone to see. Isn't a Jack & Jill party something that usually happens before you are married?
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    Spot on, MilkDuds.  You chose the wedding you wanted, and now you want a big reception?  At which you will be the center of attention?  And then have a JnJ later?  Um, no.  You're married. Leave it at that.  You're done.
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  • What everyone else said.  Your wedding is done.  Have a dinner, drinks and music if your crowd is big on dancing but no wedding dress, or first dance or anything like that.  And I would refrain from registering for gifts.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:8a8bcb20-c9e1-4e61-b701-1a8548c40db5">We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE] - Planning a wedding for me would be very stressful, I would be too concentrated on the day being perfect, and everyone else being happy before making sure that I was happy -- this is just my personality 
    Posted by katelavinc[/QUOTE]

    <div>Okay see the thing is that planning a wedding is really all about planning the reception. The ceremony part is cake compared to the party. So if you plan a reception now, you are basically overriding the whole reason that you went away to get married in the first place. </div><div>
    </div><div>My husband and I are like you. We wanted to elope, but my mom wouldn't have it, so we had a super small, family and close friends only destination wedding and that was that. No big party later because I realized that having one was just as much of a pain in the ass as having a wedding at home. </div><div>
    </div><div>
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  • I'm curious what you mean by Jack & Jill?  Before I came to TK I only heard of a Jack & Jill party as a party that is normally supposed to be attended by only women, but that men are also invited to.  I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and hope you mean you just want to go out to celebrate with your friends?  But now that I'm typing that out, that doesn't really make any sense either.  You didn't want to have a big party, so you eloped.  But now you want to have a big party anyway and then celebrate again?  I'm really confused.
  • The only thing I can think of that would be reception-ish but still okay at a sports bar would be a pretty wedding cake.  Other than that, drinks and food seem like your only options.
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  • I view it as an at home reception. But pps are still right. It is more of a party to celebrate, than a reception. Don't do a first dance, bouquet toss, or any other traditional reception things. Just pay for dinner, drinks, & cake.

    On the Jack & Jill thing, I hope you mean just a night out at the bar with your friends (as in a normal night out that is in "celebration" of your recent wedding). If you mean anything else, then no.

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  • im with salt.  the reception is what always causes the biggest expense and headache.  i would simply tell your family that you eloped to avoid having a wedding, and that you made your decision and you are sticking to it.

    i would have a nice dinner out with yoru immediate family (parents adn siblings) to celebrate, but that's really the extent of what id personally do.

    i thought a jack and jill was a boy/girl shower.  you shoudl nto have a shower after your marriage. 
  • I'd include a photo montage of your wedding day, if you guys took pictures and feel comfortable sharing them with your guests. Good luck!
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  • Ok, as you stated, this is more for your family than for you. You also stated that you hate being the center of attention. Do people even read these posts before responding.

    While I agree that you shouldn't have a full on reception, and no you shouldn't register for gifts, you should still give your family a small clebration if htey really want it. I would do dinner, dancing and maybe cake, but not the cutting or any of that. I mean really, who doesn't like cake.
  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    edited November 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:2198e770-dc38-4978-84d7-0e965503a99c">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, as you stated, this is more for your family than for you. You also stated that you hate being the center of attention. Do people even read these posts before responding. While I agree that you shouldn't have a full on reception, and no you shouldn't register for gifts, you should still give your family a small clebration if htey really want it. I would do dinner, dancing and maybe cake, but not the cutting or any of that. I mean really, who doesn't like cake.
    Posted by alainn15[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>What you just described is a reception. Which the OP was trying to avoid by eloping.</div><div>
    </div><div>And yeah I think we all read the post. 

    </div>
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  • Sorry ladies, I wasn't aiming that at everyone, I didn't realize I didn't hit the quote button on the one I was talking about. I agree with most of the responses, a reception isn't what she needs. I don't think that dinner, dancing and cake is a reception. It's just a small party.
  • She also said it's in a sports bar...so to me, right off the bat, this is casual and doesn't sound very formal.

    I think it sounds great.  I like the ideas of pics of the day of your wedding!

    What would you think of wearing?   
  • i think if the family wants a party, then they should be the ones to plan it and pay for it, not the bride and groom.
  • If it's at a sports bar, it sounds pretty casual. Like when a few friends get together for birthday drinks. Are you renting out the whole bar or do you have a private room? Rather than dinner, why not do a sort of open house either in the evening or afternoon, have lots of bar snacks, and drinks. I'm not sure what they serve, but wings, potato skins, nachos, a green salad, etc would be appreciated by most. I suppose you could throw in a few decorations that you could either donate or reuse after if you'd like. But definitely don't make it into a huge reception.
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  • Wow! What a lot of responses, I guess I should have clarified a few things in my original post.

    1. Jack & Jill -- basically going out with our friends for dinner then out on the town afterwards
    2. This party/reception/celebration/whatever you want to call it is going to be CASUAL -- no dress, no tux, no huge production. 
    3. This is what I know so far:
    - just family (parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins) we both are really close with our families so couldn't just cut it off at parents & siblings
    - having a cake -- my sister wants to get this as our gift
    - mom is pushing for formal invites, centerpieces, decorations & favors, I think I will go with the invites, but probably pass on the centerpieces, decorations & favors
    - I haven't brought this up to my parents, but will probably pass on the dances (this could go over like a fart in church) -- background music is a possibility
    - Possibly may re-read our vows so that the family feels like they were a part of our day (not 100% on this at all, re: don't like to be the center of attention)
    - There are tvs in the room, thought of getting a slide show of pics of us put together to have playing through the evening -- maybe get a photo shoot done like a post-wedding engagement shoot, pro photos of  us as a married couple (probably what I miss most of not having a real wedding)
    - Weather we register or not, our families will get us gifts, that's just how they are -- even if we specifically asked them not to, they'd show up
    - No clue as to what we will be wearing, would love to go in sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt, but think we'll get a little more dressed up then that, but not too much, it is a sports bar after all! (thought of personalized red sox jerseys for Kevin & I, but that didn't fly too well with the non-sports fan I have as a hubby!)

    So what I'm thinking
    - dinner, drinks, cake
    - invites
    - photos
    - background music

    Thoughts? Comments? Criticisms? 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:1166dbfe-a700-4e55-a396-5b1ae13b6908">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]i think if the family wants a party, then they should be the ones to plan it and pay for it, not the bride and groom.
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with this statement. 100%.</div>
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  • kate, don't reread your vows. You ran off and eloped for a reason and you already said them at made it official.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:b3325148-da1b-4e90-9768-abd277ee4907">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow! What a lot of responses, I guess I should have clarified a few things in my original post. 1. Jack & Jill -- basically going out with our friends for dinner then out on the town afterwards 2. This party/reception/celebration/whatever you want to call it is going to be CASUAL -- no dress, no tux, no huge production.  3. This is what I know so far: - just family (parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins) we both are really close with our families so couldn't just cut it off at parents & siblings - having a cake -- my sister wants to get this as our gift - mom is pushing for formal invites, centerpieces, decorations & favors, I think I will go with the invites, but probably pass on the centerpieces, decorations & favors - I haven't brought this up to my parents, but will probably pass on the dances (this could go over like a fart in church) -- background music is a possibility - Possibly may re-read our vows so that the family feels like they were a part of our day (not 100% on this at all, re: don't like to be the center of attention) - There are tvs in the room, thought of getting a slide show of pics of us put together to have playing through the evening -- maybe get a photo shoot done like a post-wedding engagement shoot, pro photos of  us as a married couple (probably what I miss most of not having a real wedding) - Weather we register or not, our families will get us gifts, that's just how they are -- even if we specifically asked them not to, they'd show up - No clue as to what we will be wearing, would love to go in sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt, but think we'll get a little more dressed up then that, but not too much, it is a sports bar after all! (thought of personalized red sox jerseys for Kevin & I, but that didn't fly too well with the non-sports fan I have as a hubby!) So what I'm thinking - dinner, drinks, cake - invites - photos - background music Thoughts? Comments? Criticisms? 
    Posted by katelavinc[/QUOTE]


    So basically...you're planning the wedding you eloped to not have? Color me confused.
  • I hate the photo montage idea.  As a guest, my unvoiced response would be "okay...so I couldn't see it live, but now I have to sit through a 25 minute slide show which you've set to some crappy Air Supply song?  Rad."  If you're looking to satisfy your parent's wishes by having a celebration which in no way makes you the center of attention or doubles as a reception, I think leaving out the montage is step one.  If there are wedding photos you'd like to share, bring the album and allow it to be passed to the interested parties.  There's not a soul in the history of ever who has enjoyed being forced to watch someone else's slide show. 
  • I really think that invites + dinner + cake + flowers + vow readings + gifts = wedding and that you already had a wedding.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:6711067f-731a-424e-9710-6b81e1a21a2c">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hate the photo montage idea.  As a guest, my unvoiced response would be "okay...so I couldn't see it live, but now I have to sit through a 25 minute slide show which you've set to some crappy Air Supply song?  Rad."  If you're looking to satisfy your parent's wishes by having a celebration which in no way makes you the center of attention or doubles as a reception, I think leaving out the montage is step one.  If there are wedding photos you'd like to share, bring the album and allow it to be passed to the interested parties. <strong> There's not a soul in the history of ever who has enjoyed being forced to watch someone else's slide show. </strong>
    Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]
    haha, well said!
  • I'm the minority here, but what you sound like you want to do doesn't sound any different than a big birthday party or something (aside from the re-reading of the vows and the picture montage).  I think what you have planned is perfectly fine.  Do not give in on your mom to the centerpieces, decorations and favors though.  And you don't have to have dancing, background music is fine.

    If someone came on here and said they were planning a big birthday/halloween/Christmas/Veteran's Day party, and were going to have it at a sports bar, with dinner and drinks, some cake, and were going to send invites out, nobody would bat an eye.  I don't know what it is about vow renewals  that causes people to short-circuit and think they need to be as low key as humanly possible.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:6711067f-731a-424e-9710-6b81e1a21a2c">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hate the photo montage idea.  As a guest, my unvoiced response would be "okay...so I couldn't see it live, but now I have to sit through a 25 minute slide show which you've set to some crappy Air Supply song?  Rad."  If you're looking to satisfy your parent's wishes by having a celebration which in no way makes you the center of attention or doubles as a reception, I think leaving out the montage is step one.  If there are wedding photos you'd like to share, bring the album and allow it to be passed to the interested parties.  There's not a soul in the history of ever who has enjoyed being forced to watch someone else's slide show. 
    Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

    If it's just playing in the background, nobody is being forced to sit through it.  It's no worse than feeling you're "forced" to sit through a game they have on the TVs while you eat.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:9a574fef-2b01-462f-b48c-e2ed78e77310">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception? : If it's just playing in the background, nobody is being forced to sit through it.  It's no worse than feeling you're "forced" to sit through a game they have on the TVs while you eat.
    Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

    Playing in the backgrond is unobtrusive, I agree.  I was envisioning it more like in grade school, when the teacher would flash the lights and then drag the projector out. 
  • Formal invites to go to a sports bar? That's a wee bit ridiculous.

    I like the idea of a cake, and if the sports bar already has a dance floor, great. Everything else is a wedding reception.
  • its not the celebration (AHR) part i think its absurd.   what i find absurd is that OP eloped SPECIFICALLY becauase she didnt want a big thing, center of attention, wedding.  she is only doing this party out of guilt becuase people are making her feel bad for the choice she and her H made to do things simple and quiet.

    thats why i think if the family really wants to celebrate, they shoudl throw a party FOR OP and all she should ahve to do is show up.  she shouldnt have to plan, stress or spend a dime.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:fa568474-46e7-4211-916a-1fde18358c9f">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Formal invites to go to a sports bar? That's a wee bit ridiculous. I like the idea of a cake, and if the sports bar already has a dance floor, great. Everything else is a wedding reception.
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

    I mail out formal invitations for every major party I throw so that people can save the date and RSVP.  I don't think this should be any different.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-include-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8cbeafe-3f4c-414f-968d-320d0a54dca8Post:16212f4f-a067-4734-ae68-d82817506523">Re: We eloped, what to include in a reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]its not the celebration (AHR) part i think its absurd.   what i find absurd is that OP eloped SPECIFICALLY becauase she didnt want a big thing, center of attention, wedding.  she is only doing this party out of guilt becuase people are making her feel bad for the choice she and her H made to do things simple and quiet. thats why i think if the family really wants to celebrate, they shoudl throw a party FOR OP and all she should ahve to do is show up.  she shouldnt have to plan, stress or spend a dime.
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    <div>I totally agree with this.  </div><div>
    </div><div>If you elope to avoid dealing with the big wedding, great.  Now what is the point of having the wedding you avoided later?</div>
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