Tell me simple is OK, please :)

riverpaddler · June 2012

I've never even heard of a wedding like ours I guess it's like eloping with evites.

We are getting married in a very informal ceremony in the beginning of our regular evening church service. Just standing up and saying our "I do's" , with no reception.

We are having a combined family brunch that morning, which is enough festivities for me for the day.

We will have an open house BBQ reception later tihis summer after we have settled in. Ther eception date is set and was announced on the evite.

I'm getting some push back about gifts. One of the ladies from church called and said I couldn't expect gifts because there would be no celebration and was "encouraging" me to have a cake and coffee time after the service, so I can get gifts. I really dont care about gifts, I mean we are combining 2 households, sure towels would be nice but....

Will people really feel cheated because we are making unconventional choices? We do have good reasons for our decisons.

Am I totally ungrateful? I feel a bit bridezilla ish.

Lisa50 · June 2012

Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding!

Hmmm ... some people (family; close friends) might feel slighted, that's for sure, especially if they're left out of the Church service. At the end of the day, though, you and your FI should conduct your ceremony and celebration in the way you see fit.

One thing I highly recommend is that you hire a photographer to commemorate the occasion. Won't you regret not having a photo or two to sigh over??

Are you ungrateful? I don't know. Only you know the answer to that.

riverpaddler · June 2012

Iall family and friends have been invited,we will have photos, flowers etc.

n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_tell-me-simple-is-ok-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:df814b78-c094-4332-8f41-bba1eca468d5Post:7ef2a38a-5a37-4b00-9b4a-09ef90786f7f">Re: Tell me simple is OK, please :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding! Hmmm ... some people (family; close friends) might feel slighted, that's for sure, especially if they're left out of the Church service. At the end of the day, though, you and your FI should conduct your ceremony and celebration in the way you see fit. One thing I highly recommend is that you hire a photographer to commemorate the occasion. Won't you regret not having a photo or two to sigh over?? Are you ungrateful? I don't know. Only you know the answer to that.
Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

right1thistime · June 2012

Glad you rewrote this into your own post.

I am not sure how I feel about the cake thing. I feel like you are sort of forcing your wedding on the people who just want to attend their regular church service, even if you are keeping it very brief. So offering a cake & punch fellowship afterwards might be a nice gesture. Of course, now that the nosy church lady has tied it to gifts, if you do it now, she'll tell everyone how it was her advice so you could receive gifts that changed your mind. ~Donna

Lisa50 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_tell-me-simple-is-ok-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:df814b78-c094-4332-8f41-bba1eca468d5Post:c071a1d6-4733-4c03-a3ed-6ffef48d60f0">Re: Tell me simple is OK, please :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Glad you rewrote this into your own post. I am not sure how I feel about the cake thing. I feel like you are sort of forcing your wedding on the people who just want to attend their regular church service, even if you are keeping it very brief. So offering a cake & punch fellowship afterwards might be a nice gesture. Of course, now that the nosy church lady has tied it to gifts, if you do it now, she'll tell everyone how it was her advice so you could receive gifts that changed your mind. ~Donna
Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

Good point, Donna. Here's a thought ... what if they have cake and punch immediately following, but don't tell anyone in advance except the one or two people who really need to know for set-up? That way, it is available for all who hear the announcement but nosy church lady won't be able to crow about it for an interminable length of time.

AshDreamer · June 2012

I feel like what you're doing is just fine. The wedding day is about your and your husband-to-be, not some nosy church lady.

Your house warming party/reception is a great idea! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

handfast4me · June 2012

Or, how about just a private ceremony in your regular church, just the two of you on a day other than regular church service? You won't be obligated to anything then, no cake, no punch, etc. Also, wow, that's a progressive church, many churches won't marry anyone on Sunday.

This is coming from the Pagan who had a "planned" elopement though--we went off to Key West, just the two of us. We told everyone who mattered, such as family and close friends, but didn't invite anyone. People STILL wanted to throw us parties, and give us gifts, so we registered for a few items that we needed/wanted replacements or upgrades.

boaznruth · June 2012

I think simple is great as long as that's what you want. That's what I wanted this time around, but some people want more and that's great, too...as long as they do the planning and not me.

I think the punch/cake issue has more to do with your church. Only you know what is "normal" for your community. We're not having a religious ceremony, for various reasons. We are sponsoring a "reception" at our place of worship. They have one every week and people sponsor them for different reasons including birthdays, the anniversary of deaths, graduations, or in honor of someone. Since we are marrying privately, we are saying that our reason for hosting is "just because," but we just felt like it felt right to do something to share our happiness. Is there any way you can do something nice for your church without it being construed as a wedding reception? That would likely help side-step the gift issue.

We also didn't really want gifts. We have everything we need and it just felt strange to ask people to buy us things that we just might "want." Of course, now at the last minute we have people asking us where we are registered at regardless. I think, in retrsopect, I would have registered for a few things somewhere, nothing expensive, but then at least those who insisted would have some ideas. Some people just enjoy giving gifts.

AbbeyS2011 · June 2012

Here is a suggestion - have your combined family brunch in the am, attend the morning services if you choose, then have a small ceremony AFTER the am services, when the regular church-goers have gone.

This way, you get your small, intimate ceremony, no fanfare, and no nosy church ladies. Plus, you do not have to tell anyone you are doing this, except those who need to know.

SoSaysTara · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_tell-me-simple-is-ok-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:df814b78-c094-4332-8f41-bba1eca468d5Post:da01f66b-0508-4e23-acd4-bec29b7404eb">Re: Tell me simple is OK, please :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is a suggestion - have your combined family brunch in the am, attend the morning services if you choose,<strong> then have a small ceremony AFTER the am services, when the regular church-goers have gone. </strong> This way, you get your small, intimate ceremony, no fanfare, and no nosy church ladies. Plus, you do not have to tell anyone you are doing this, except those who need to know.
Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

This is common practice for small ceremonies at my church and has always worked out well.

Tell me simple is OK, please :)

Re: Tell me simple is OK, please :)

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