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Bridesmaid drama... yes, it happens. Seeking advice

SchrodengerSchrodenger member
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in North Carolina
I have three bridesmaids and one maid of honor. Three of the four know each other relatively well, one bridesmaid has met the others, but does not know them that well. I'm really laid back about the dresses, but giving color advice. Three of these ladies have already bought their dresses and have been emailing eachother about their dresses. Obviously, they are excited, which makes me happy. Well, this final bridesmaid has not been saying anything on email (we all don't live in the same place) and last night she emails me and tells me that buying the dress and keeping up with the others is too much pressure. I guess she is hinting that she does not want to be a bridesmaid.
So, I email back and ask for her measurements and tell her i will help her find a dress and not to worry about the other girls, they are super girly.
My question is:
Should i let her quit? I mean, if she really doesn't want to be a bridesmaid, maybe I should let her back down? I think that she is doing this because she doesn't know them very well and they kind of grew up together.
What are your thoughts?
Thanks!
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Re: Bridesmaid drama... yes, it happens. Seeking advice

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    SassyPants150SassyPants150 member
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    edited December 2011

    I wouldn't jump ahead in thinking that she's going to quit.  She may feel overwhelmed by being a part of a group that has been close knit.  I would probably try to accommodate her as much as possible to make sure she doesn't feel like an odd wheel.  If it comes down to it and she would like to step down I'm sure that she would tell you and not "hint" at it.  I would just play it out a little longer and make sure you remind her that you want her to be one of the ones that that stand with you on your big day!   

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    andrea01012009andrea01012009 member
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    edited December 2011
    it's expensive to be in a wedding.  ask her if money is an issue.  you should not expect all your bridesmaids to suddenly be friends with each other.  i think her reaction is normal so i would not push her into communicating with them.
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    acausey6879acausey6879 member
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    edited December 2011
    It would be tough to be the "odd one out" if the rest of them are close... If she is a close enough friend to be in your bridal party, she will deal with it and make it work.  She is probably uncomfortable, but will hopefully get to know them better through showers, etc.
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    CJ4578CJ4578 member
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    edited December 2011
    Just bear with her, she may be having some other stuff going on or who knows. One of my bridesmaids wasn't involved very much with the dress selection, and had a freak-out after the dress was chosen, but it was more to do with her than it was with me or the wedding. So just let her work it out, and I think offering to help her find a dress is a great idea! And since you're letting them all choose their own (maybe? that's the vibe I got?) then you can help her find something in her budget (if that is an issue.)

    Good luck!
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    SchrodengerSchrodenger member
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    edited December 2011
    Yes. I gave the  bridesmaid complete liberty to choose a dress from any store.. I even gave suggestions ranging from $40 to $200. We have talked about money, and even though I gave cheaper dress suggestions it may just be that. I am close with her so it is strange that she is backing out.
    Thanks for all the wise words ladies!!!
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    jennb3jennb3
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    edited December 2011
    She may also just feel bad that isn't trading emails and bonding with the other girls. Her talking to you about it might have just been kind of an apology so you didn't think that she wasn't in to it. She might not have even been thinking about backing out!
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    melaniersumnermelaniersumner
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    edited December 2011
    Have you had a really personal conversation with her about it?

    It sounds like there is some sort of fear going on here- fear that she can't pay for it, fear that she might upset you, fear that she won't look good, fit in, etc. Only she can tell you what her actual fear is, but she'll only do that once you assure her that your friendship won't be effected by her answer. 

    I'd try asking her if you guys can chat (either on the phone or in person) and just tell her that you feel like there's something going on below the surface that she might want to tell you about. Tell her that you value her friendship and you want her to be involved, but you don't want it to be a struggle for her. 

    I hope it helps- and I definitely hope it works out! 
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    TophersGirl336TophersGirl336 member
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    edited December 2011
    I was this girl in my brother's wedding... Without going into "all the drama", if she's like me, she doesn't know this group of buddies that have their own "inside jokes", "memories" and pretty much their own language...

    If I had been alone I would have had a terrible time, but being that it was my little brother, (my best friend) I had a blast. 

    Just try to include her in stuff, and tell the other girls to try not to "huddle" when ya'll are out. Hopefully she'll open up and feel like a part of your wedding instead of just someone there to "fill a spot"... trust me, I know that feeling. lol

    Hope this helps! :)
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