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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)

I have read so many rude and judgemental comments about the dollar dance.  Just to let everyone know that it is not a part of my culture or traditions so I will not be doing one but I do understand them.

I have been to greek weddings and seen them done.  Did I personally go up to the groom and pin money on him, no.  Did I judge the couple?  No.  It's their tradition.  No one is asking you or forcing you to dance with the bride and groom to give them money.  It definitely cannot be seen on the par as having a cash bar or anything.  This is about family members being generous and giving the couple a little extra money. 

I'm sure those of you that have actually seen them done will notice that the people participating in this custom do it happily.  They pin the money on them or sometimes they even have the money attached together ahead of time (which shows that the guests. probably didn't even have to open their wallets). 

There are so many traditions:  Jews and the Hora and the chair lifting, Italians and the Tarantella. Could these be excluding and awkward if people aren't familiar with them, yes!  But you have the choice to join in or not.  Husbands lifting up their wife's dress and pulling down her garter is a also a  tradition. Classy!

There is no need to say that something is tacky or gauche just because you wouldn't do it.   This dance has nothing to do with etiquacy as you are not being forced by your hosts to give them money. 

And something else...marriage is about compromise.  Does my future husband want to have a first dance and be gawked at by our family and friends (especially since they don't really do this in his country) no, not really.  Will he do it for me, yes.  If he asked me to do a dollar dance, would I? Yes.  Marriage should be about accepting your new family's traditions.  Could you imagine if my FI said celebrating thanksgiving in Italy is ridiculous and he doesn't want to celebrate it with me?

Ok. I'm done.  Obviously I'm bored today. 



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Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)

  • There is a massive difference to me between dancing the Hora and a Dollar Dance.  The Hora doesnt require people to cough up extra cash on top of any gift they may have given.  It is completely separate to be judgmental of something that is legitimately a part of someone's religion or culture.  I find it hard to believe someone would actually consider the Dollar Dance to be a staple of their culture. 

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  • I agree that the garter thing is sort of skeezy.  Which is why I didn't do it.  However, once the garter is off, it's off.  The groom doesn't offer the bride's leg to everyone else to feel up in exchange for $$.  Nobody is compelled to hand over money to the B&G.

    We don't do dollar dances in my family or in H's.  I have been to a couple of weddings that had a dollar dance, and it was uncomfortable.  I did feel like I was expected to put some money in, because everyone else was.  When you are one of the few people not contributing, it is awkward and puts you on the spot.  A guest should not feel compelled or obligated to open his or her wallet at a wedding.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:a8f70544-098a-42b6-b71e-38c9140202cc">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant) : I disagree.  I think a lot of people would feel compelled to give money to avoid looking rude, even though asking for money in the first place is rude.  The other traditions done by Jews and Italians do not ask for money, so I don't see those as rude.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    Do you think everyone at the wedding gets the chance to dance with them?  If you had  200 guests at your wedding that would be a really long song.  And I've never seen it last longer than a song.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:c8353493-47a9-4836-a450-51eaddd795fc">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant) : Do you think everyone at the wedding gets the chance to dance with them?  If you had  200 guests at your wedding that would be a really long song.  And I've never seen it last longer than a song.
    Posted by Nancy00714[/QUOTE]
    So what?  It's not the same as asking all of your guests to open their wallets and cough up.  This argument is flawed.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:c8353493-47a9-4836-a450-51eaddd795fc">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant) : Do you think everyone at the wedding gets the chance to dance with them?  If you had  200 guests at your wedding that would be a really long song.  And I've never seen it last longer than a song.
    Posted by Nancy00714[/QUOTE]


    But how do you think it is okay for guests to be solicited for extra cash?  Whether it is one song or not, it is incredibly inappropriate to fish for cash from guests.  They have already given gifts and should not be asked or expected to give anything more.

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  • Hmmm... I agree with PP's. Any tradition that asks for money in addition to the gift already given is a no go for me. I just can't get past it. And it IS a tradition from my culture! Still. No freakin' way.
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  • Their families want to do it because they probably did it too.  Like I said, It's not part of my tradition but I wouldn't judge anyone for doing it.  If it was some random couple doing it cause they were trying to collect a few bucks then it's wrong.  But if it's traditional or cultural, who am I to judge.
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I have been to a wedding with a dollar dance and yes, there were a good number of family members who appeared to be enjoying themselves. But there was also a large contingent of people looking awkward and confused in the back.
    Lizzie
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:003bc242-608f-4c36-8e97-745a86c08505">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've heard that the dollar dance is a Polish tradition. Here is my thing with them. If every wedding you have ever been to has had a dollar dance, then have one. It is expected in your circle. But don't just have one because you want to make a few bucks, because people side-eye you and it will be uncomfortable. The most recent wedding I went to that did a dollar dance was so awkward. It was clear that people didn't even know what it was. The best man and MOH will literally pulling people out of their seats to try to get them to pay for a dance. Yeah, that's fun.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]


    Exactly, I completely agree with you. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:c8353493-47a9-4836-a450-51eaddd795fc">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant) : Do you think everyone at the wedding gets the chance to dance with them?  If you had  200 guests at your wedding that would be a really long song.  And I've never seen it last longer than a song.
    Posted by Nancy00714[/QUOTE]

    I have been to a few weddings where it went on longer then just one song.  The last wedding I went to it went on for THREE songs.  Not only was this rude to the guests because it was hella boring to watch it just made the couple seem really greedy.

    My feeling is if your family members and friends want to be generous and give you additional money then what they gave in their gift they don't need a songor special dance to do it.

  • The only wedding I've ever been to that had a dollar dance was a Portuguese wedding.  I don't think that the dollar dance is a Portuguese custom, because the two other Portuguese weddings I've been to haven't had them.  In any case.  It was super-awkward.  Nobody knew what to do.  It was like Cfas's thing, where the bridesmaids were running around urging people to jump up and participate.  And THEN they had a "raffle" for the centerpieces, as well (open your wallets and the person who coughs up the most cash gets the centerpiece).  The centerpieces were fishbowls filled with red and clear crystals and red pillar candles.  It seemed like the bride and groom really looked at their reception as a moneymaker. 
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  • chrmunchrmun member
    500 Comments

    A) "Etiquacy" is not a word.
    2)  Why do you care so much?  Has this topic not been beaten to death in a million other threads?  Poeple who want them are going to have them and people who think that it's tacky aren't.  Problem solved.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:0e0aec7f-1b74-4585-aba6-32e29f03c624">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]The only wedding I've ever been to that had a dollar dance was a Portuguese wedding.  I don't think that the dollar dance is a Portuguese custom, because the two other Portuguese weddings I've been to haven't had them.  In any case.  It was super-awkward.  Nobody knew what to do.  It was like Cfas's thing, where the bridesmaids were running around urging people to jump up and participate.  And THEN they had a "raffle" for the centerpieces, as well (open your wallets and the person who coughs up the most cash gets the centerpiece).  The centerpieces were fishbowls filled with red and clear crystals and red pillar candles.  It seemed like the bride and groom really looked at their reception as a moneymaker. 
    Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]


    Well, yes that just sounds bad and money hungry.  The weddings I've been to have it well orchestrated with some money prepared even before hand.  Like I said they tape or staple ? some bills together and attach this long row of bills to the bride or groom.  And then some family members go to the couple and throw money around them at well (kind of like a strip joint, haha).  But I've never felt compelled to have to give them money. 
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  • I'm so glad other peeps have the energy for this post today.  I'm just going to sit here and roll my eyes instead.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:6d9ef1f6-0c47-4573-a730-d20eba600aa2">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant) : Well, yes that just sounds bad and money hungry.  The weddings I've been to have it well orchestrated with some money prepared even before hand.  Like I said they tape or staple ? some bills together and attach this long row of bills to the bride or groom.  <strong>And then some family members go to the couple and throw money around them at well (kind of like a strip joint, haha).</strong>  But I've never felt compelled to have to give them money. 
    Posted by Nancy00714[/QUOTE]
    Klassy.
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  • Yay cultural relatavism is fun. Especially when you use it to milk a couple more dollars from your guests. 
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  • Sorry Tarrantella cannot even be compared to the Dollar Dance my friend.  Just had to say that.



    (And this is coming from someone who doesn't give a rip about Dollar Dances)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:bd3908ed-b254-4f8c-a82a-0dd7d805b21f">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry Tarrantella cannot even be compared to the Dollar Dance my friend.  Just had to say that. (And this is coming from someone who doesn't give a rip about Dollar Dances)
    Posted by lbarr088[/QUOTE]

    I don't care about dollar dances either!  I was just pointing out that other dances can be just as unfomfortable for some people.  Maybe I'm a germaphobe who doesn't want to hold hands or hook arms with people and dance around in circle. These dances could exclude lots of people.  But they are part of people's cultures and if they make my host's happy...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:003bc242-608f-4c36-8e97-745a86c08505">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've heard that the dollar dance is a Polish tradition.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
    I'm of Polish descent and I'd never heard of it until theknot.

    Nancy. In my circle it is tradition to do a garter toss, but we didn't do it because IMO it's icky. Just because people in my family enjoyed it previously doesn't mean I had to do it or had to think it's appropriate. But that still can't be compared to compelling your guests to open their wallets at your wedding. Dollar dance is an etiquette issue. Garter toss is a taste issue. See?
  • Yes, I'm killing some time before I have to go to work.
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  • I want to know what "etiquacy" is.

    Also, I could be mistaken, but at my friend's big fat Greek wedding, there was money flying all over the place as we were all dancing around.  I was told that it was for the band and NOT the bride and groom.
  • Nancy00714Nancy00714 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:4aa455b1-bc00-4a05-9365-69de1990922a">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant) : I really don't think you can compare the two. Yes, they are both 'cultural' dances, but only one is against wedding etiquette. That is why we was NO DOLLAR DANCES on this board. It's hitting up your guests for money. That's the issue here.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]


    I see that.  I  guess I've just have never seen it asanything more than the newlyweds' family opening up their wallets and giving them money. 

    Well, this was just a try to have people look at it as something that shouldn't be seen with such distaste.

    ETA:  I failed!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:3b712021-b049-420a-9021-1315bf97f052">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh dear lord.
    Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

    +1
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:c2546971-3df8-4e06-8040-1104cbcea393">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I will say though that even if EVERY wedding you have ever been to has had a dollar dance, it doesn't make it okay per etiquette. It just means that your guests won't judge the hell out of you for it.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

    every wedding I've been to has had one...and I still judge.  No f'ing way am I doing that!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:cd544d32-6f7c-4783-8cf5-d659899897d2">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant) : Well, this was just a try to have people look at it as something that shouldn't be seen with such distaste. 
    Posted by Nancy00714[/QUOTE]
    It was very original of you to scold us like this.

    Also, it should be seen with distaste. Because it's distasteful.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-dollar-dance-and-other-traditions-a-bit-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:296c1edb-e3c0-4a1d-a2a0-01d3d8a6067ePost:578c69e0-2ce1-4cc7-b654-35dd999361d7">Re: Regarding Dollar dance and other traditions (a bit of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong> I feel like at a wedding with friends invited it puts pressure on people who are not family to give money.</strong>
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    This. And pressure on anyone who has never heard of the dance.
  • pokepoke27pokepoke27 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited May 2012
    See, here is the thing. I think a lot of people get too worked up about this (newbs, not regs). They ask about the dollar dance all excited, they are told it's tacky, then they are all up in arms about it. It's one of those things that, yes, is against etiquette - but is also a "cultural" type thing. Even if something is against etiquette, but is common in your culture, you could probably still do it without offending everyone. Not to say you should, just that you can. And if you're going to do it then just do it. Don't come on to an etiquette board and expect to be told it's okay. TK does have a Customs and Traditions board as well. 

    I mean to me it's not even one of those things that really gets under my skin. If I see a dollar dance at a wedding am I going to think it's tacky? Well, yes. Am I going to be super offended? Not at all. I'll just mentally roll my eyes and sit it out. I think that's probably where a lot of ladies are on this board. 

    And did you really think that your post was going to revolutionize the way we think? Bottom line is that guests shouldn't pay for ANYTHING at the reception for ANY reason.
  • Eagles - how are you feeling?

  • I had never heard about the dollar dance until I was looking at wedding venues and DJs and saw it listed.  You could order a drink for everyone to go with it, too, which again, completely new to me.  If I were at a wedding and someone wanted money to dance with them I'd decline. 
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  • My mom's side is Polish, as in off-the-boat, and a good percentage of them think the Dollar Dance is tacky, not to mention boring for those who don't participate.

    My brother refused to have it at his wedding, tradition be damned, because it's not like the Old Country where the newlyweds are 17-years old and broke. Back then, it made sense. Now? Not so much, especially if those "kids" are 30-years old with salaried jobs.

    It's especially awkward when couples force it upon a family that isn't familiar with it. I wouldn't have a Hora at my wedding because we aren't Jewish (even though the Hora looks like a LOT of fun).

    You will not find support for the Dollar Dance on the etiquette board, because it goes against etiquette. You may find support for it on the Customs and Traditions board because it is a custom/tradition.

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