Hey! So my fiancée is African American and I am white. Everyone we know family, friends and acquaintances is cool with it, except one of the most important people in my life. My dad. I am a daddy's girl and have been his little princess my whole life. I started dating my fiancée and he tells me that he is disappointed in me and that our children will be confused and not know their identity. It really bugs me that he is saying these hurtful things. Will it ever go away? Will he ever just come around? Any advice for making this situation better would be great! Thanks and congrats to all the beautiful brides!!
Re: New to the board and need some advice
I really hope he does come around! Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers, it means so much! Im glad to know that there is support out there!
Now I am happy to say that my parents ADORE my kids! From the second they were born! Your kids will know who they are....I think it is more common to be mixed now then not anyways (lol).
My daughter when she was 3 said, "Mommy you are white, daddy is black and God made me beige!" Never been an issue of any identity problems!
My parents weren't worried about race, but rather that my husband is from another country and they were worried they didn't understand all the implications of that. They asked hiim a ton of questions and he handled it well. From that point on, they were 100000% behind us getting married (we weren't engaged yet). When we got to our wedding day, my dad said to me, "I know I shouldn't say it because of your sisters, but your wedding was the happiest I've ever been to. You two just glow with happiness. That is all I have ever wanted for you." And now the baby pressure is on!! :-)
As for your kids, they will be happy, healthy kids! I agree, it seems like they will be the norm in their generation, not an exception. And their grandfather will be sooo excited to spend every minute he can with them.
Good luck!
The same thing happened with my dad, compounded by the fact that we announced our engagement before they met. After a few months of letting him process and some very awkward conversations it came down to him being raised in a home that had some very negative things to say about mixed race babies. He overcame his concerns about us as a couple, but was forced to address then negativity he had been taught growing up, but didn't agree with.
My advice, just listen to your dad, then slowly address his concerns. Let him get to know your FI and let him ask questions. Don't argue or tell him he's wrong, try to be understanding that this is difficult for an older generation and he's probably honestly trying to support you.
My sister also dated interracially once, and I've also brought it up a few times since... and I noticed my parents start to mellow. They were afraid for the way society would treat me, and while it was racism on their part, when they started to see that in my generation very few people make a fuss about it (and those who do are labelled as racist), they relaxed.
When I started dating Ryan, they really never brought up the race issue, except Mom saying in a tense-but-trying-to-pretend-she-wasn't "Is he from an Hindu or Muslim background?" and being shocked when I explained his parents are actually Christian (she already knew he was), but that was more a religion issue than a race issue. They grew through time (and I think the fact that they like Ryan way more than my ex matters a lot too) and I'm sure your dad will grow too when he opens his eyes to the truth.
"I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10 NKJV
Cassandra