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WEDDING PARTY NOT GETTING OUTFITS! HELP! WEDDING 3 WEEKS AWAY!

alysonkw17alysonkw17 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Party
I have somewhat of a dilemma. I'm planning a wedding in Wisconsin from my home in California. We decided that making the guys pending $180 on a rental tux was stupid and that we wanted to go more casual than tuxes anyways. So, I spent days looking for the perfect casual/edgy outfit for them to wear that was also low-budget.

After finding the perfect outfit (on sale and everything!) at Express, I quickly let everyone know where to purchased the items(linked them and gave style numbers), how much they were, and that they needed to be purchased ASAP in an email. My FI called them to remind them as well.

Over a month later, all but one of the groomsmen had purchased what we'd asked... and the one who hadn't told us that the shirt was no longer in stores... (I was a bit peeved to say the least). So again I spent hours searching for a new shirt, and had to have the others return the old (and PERFECT for the style I was going for) ones. After a few weeks of no one responding about the new shirts, we decided we would just purchase them all and have them mailed them everyone's homes. The outfits totaled over $200 with shipping.

Basically we've gotten stuck paying for everyone's outfits now, no one has reimbursed us. The guys still need to get matching ties and belts, and they haven't purchased them yet... the wedding is 3 weeks away!

The ushers also haven't purchased their outfits (from Express and Old Navy) and tell me they won't have the money to do it until A WEEK BEFORE THE WEDDING! They've known about the outfits for months... and total the outfits are only $35. 

What do I do? How do I get out money back and how do I make sure everyone gets their outfits without having to buy them myself?

HELP, PLEASE!
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Re: WEDDING PARTY NOT GETTING OUTFITS! HELP! WEDDING 3 WEEKS AWAY!

  • Licia&WayneLicia&Wayne
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-not-getting-outfits-wedding-3-weeks-away?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:174014ea-6c91-4292-92d7-1dff0a2cd5dfPost:fa1de27a-3412-4b53-b92a-9dbdd43d3e62">WEDDING PARTY NOT GETTING OUTFITS! HELP! WEDDING 3 WEEKS AWAY!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have somewhat of a dilemma. I'm planning a wedding in Wisconsin from my home in California. We decided that making the guys pending $180 on a rental tux was stupid and that we wanted to go more casual than tuxes anyways. So, I spent days looking for the perfect casual/edgy outfit for them to wear that was also low-budget. After finding the perfect outfit (on sale and everything!) at Express, I quickly let everyone know where to purchased the items(linked them and gave style numbers), how much they were, and that they needed to be purchased ASAP in an email. My FI called them to remind them as well. Over a month later, all but one of the groomsmen had purchased what we'd asked... and the one who hadn't told us that the shirt was no longer in stores... (I was a bit peeved to say the least). So again I spent hours searching for a new shirt, and had to have the others return the old (and PERFECT for the style I was going for) ones. After a few weeks of no one responding about the new shirts, we decided we would just purchase them all and have them mailed them everyone's homes. The outfits totaled over $200 with shipping. Basically we've gotten stuck paying for everyone's outfits now, no one has reimbursed us. The guys still need to get matching ties and belts, and they haven't purchased them yet... the wedding is 3 weeks away! The ushers also haven't purchased their outfits (from Express and Old Navy) and tell me they won't have the money to do it until A WEEK BEFORE THE WEDDING! They've known about the outfits for months... and total the outfits are only $35.  What do I do? How do I get out money back and how do I make sure everyone gets their outfits without having to buy them myself? HELP, PLEASE!
    Posted by alysonkw17[/QUOTE]

    Deep breath. Relax.

    Three weeks is a long time, especially for men's clothes. I think if I were in your situation, I would relinquish control and stop micromanaging. It sounds like most of the men in your WP have their basic clothing. Is it possible to ask the guys that don't have whatever it was you picked out for them to get: pants in X color, shirt in X color, wear X color belt and X color tie? That way they can head out to a department store and find something on their own.

    I think you would probably save yourself a lot of stress in this situation if you spent less time trying to match everyone's clothing. Will little differences be so bad?

    And if it really bothers you that much, we tend to tell brides on this board with bridesmaids who don't get the dress that by not getting the clothing you agreed on for the wedding, that person has removed herself from the wedding party. I think the same holds true here.

    Relinquish control. Let them know what they need to get before the wedding, and if they don't have it, or something like it, then that's their fault and I think you're within your rights to ask them to just be a guest at the wedding. I wouldn't stress over it any more. They're big boys, they can take care of themselves.

    Oh, and if you don't want to pay for their clothing, make sure whatever you choose fits into their budget by asking them individually what they can spend on it.  Then find something that fits that budget.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Unfortunately, this is the risk you take when you loan money to people.  Sort of the whole reason that the world's economy tanked.

    If the whole point is casual anyway, I don't see why they just can't wear something they already own that's appropriate.
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  • Lilou902Lilou902 member
    First Comment

    Guys to best with tuxes or suits, when they have to go to one store and everything is rented to them.  All they have to do is where underwear!
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  • JennaV26JennaV26
    First Comment
    Part of the cost for having the guys rent tuxes is for convenience. It's much easier for a guy to walk into a store and say "Hey I'm in this wedding, here are my measurements," than expect them to go to the mall to look for the pieces you want them to wear. Especially now that the money they've saved has come at the cost of stressing you out weeks before your wedding.

    At this point I'd say you live, you learn but that doesn't really help you much. All I can say is GL and hopefully they'll all get their outfits together in the next 3 weeks.
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  • gottahavashortigottahavashorti member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Paying for the outfits was a choice you made.

    If I were the guys, I would be annoyed that I had to return an outfit that was already purchased.  And I probably wouldn't re-purchase the outfit until the last minute either, because if someone didn't get it before it went out of stock again, I'd just have to make another return.

    It may have been easier to have the last guy get a shirt that was similar to the one that had gone out of stock or called to see if it was still in stock at other stores.  Either way, that's passed already.

    As for ties and belts, they can easily find those in a day.  I think my BILs got their ties the day before the wedding.  Both of our dads also chose their ties the day before the wedding or so, and that was with FIL coming from out of town.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Are the matching ties and belts (belts!) really that big a deal?  I would ditch the idea of everything being matchy-matchy at this point.

    I think that "close enough" might be best in your case.  So what if the same brand of shirt isn't available--isn't it enough that they buy a dress shirt from anywhere in the right color?  And if the shades are slightly off, who cares?  
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  • Always_a_BridesmaidAlways_a_Bridesmaid
    First Comment

    Just out of curiosity...why would you think it's better for a guy to have to shop for all of these items and spend $200 when they could have walked in, paid for a tux, and only spent $180?

    I agree with other posters that I would be annoyed by all of this outfit back-and-forth.

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  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-not-getting-outfits-wedding-3-weeks-away?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:174014ea-6c91-4292-92d7-1dff0a2cd5dfPost:6f4441c4-1426-4498-b4ae-a112ddfe335c">Re: WEDDING PARTY NOT GETTING OUTFITS! HELP! WEDDING 3 WEEKS AWAY!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just out of curiosity...why would you think it's better for a guy to have to shop for all of these items and spend $200 when they could have walked in, paid for a tux, and only spent $180? I agree with other posters that I would be annoyed by all of this outfit back-and-forth.
    Posted by Always_a_Bridesmaid[/QUOTE]

    This.  Plus they still have to buy belts and ties?  Yeah, I probably wouldn't pay you back right away (it at all) either.
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  • C*MiaC*Mia member
    First Comment
    Yea this is the type of crap that puts brides over the edge. I agree just breath and who cares... no one looks at the guys anyway. If one is wearing a black belt an another is wearing off black no one is going to cry. Its hard enough just getting the guys to go get measured let alone have them go from store to store getting specific shirts and why in gods name would you spend hours finding an exact replica of a shirt?

    It all sounds a bit dramatic and crazy to me. Make do with what they all have so far and worry about something else! Like why you would loan each guy 200 for their outfits?
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  • mattycammattycam member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    My dear, if you get half of your money back consider yourself fortunate!

    Although it is unfortunate that things are not going the way you would like them to go, in 3 weeks, it all wont matter! So hold on to that thought!
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