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WTF?!?

SarahSvrjcekSarahSvrjcek
10 Comments
in Wedding Woes

I'm doing a destination wedding.  Instead of having a party when we get home, we're going to take all of our funds ($10K), and apply it all towards paying for (at least) 8 people to come stay at Secrets in Jamaica for the weekend.  It's an AMAZING all-included resort, and we would be paying for both their room and airfare.

It would only be a 5 hr flight each way, so nobody will have to take a single day off of work unless they decided to pay out of pocket and decide to stay longer.  We even decided to have our wedding on Saturday at 4:30 in the afternoon so that if people got in late on Fri, they could sleep in if they wanted.  We will probably even be able to pay for the airfare for all the boyfriend/husbands.

How come when I told me best friend of 15+ years this, her reaction was that she hated the idea and why don't I just cancel my wedding plans and have it at home?  All the paperwork and deposit at the resort has been taken care of already for my ceremony and honeymoon. 

Don't you think she should have been like, "Oh wow! You're buying me a weekend in Jamaica!  How delightful!"  or maybe just, "Thank you!"

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Re: WTF?!?

  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    well, her reaction was weird, but did you ask how they felt about the trip before paying for their deposits? i don;t know if i'd be willing to go, but that;s just me.

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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    I can think of several reasons it may not be on the top of her list of things to do.  They are going to spend 10 hrs on a plane, however long to get to the airport, plus time at the airport for a weekend.  Jamaica may not be on her top places to visit either.

    Did she handle it poorly?  Maybe.  Does she have to be excited about your plans? no.
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  • SarahSvrjcekSarahSvrjcek
    10 Comments
    edited February 2012
    No, I didn't pay for their deposits yet, only for Richard and I.  As far as the guests go, we would need a head count first.

    And yeah, I guess she doesn't HAVE to be excited about a weekend in Jamaica.  I just thought it was hella rude.  I guess I'll just tell everybody that instead of wedding gifts, we just want them to go through the trouble of the airports and 10hrs of flying.  Thoughts?
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
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    so who is your b list?
    image
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  • WzzWzz member
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    eh, to YOU it's an amazing trip. to her, it's vacation days, money, maybe going to aplace she never wanted to ever visit....

    do a destination wedding, it's your choice. i just don't think lots of poeple will be as thrilled about it as you might be. and if they arem then congratulations.
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  • SarahSvrjcekSarahSvrjcek
    10 Comments
    what's a "b list"?

    And like I said, she wouldn't be taking any vacation days.  And I would be paying for everything.  I know that most people that do destination weddings don't pay for everything like this, but we are.
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    Sarah, I would like a free trip to Jamaica. I would have jumped on it, but everyone doesn't feel the same.
    image
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    I'm rereading and you aren't paying for the spouses.  While I don't think that's something you need to do, it would also drop my excitement level even more.  I'd have to travel alone or pay for him.  If she doesn't have a passport she'll need to get that blah, blah, blah.

    Eh, I'm cranky today.  I'm just saying it may not be the cool thing TO HER that it is TO YOU.

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  • SarahSvrjcekSarahSvrjcek
    10 Comments
    All it would cost them is time.  And they would be in freakin' Jamaica.  What kind of person would be standing on the beach of a Carribean Island kickin' the sand like, "Aw man this sucks..."?
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    the 8 people you want to go = a list
    the next 8 people after everyone on the a list says that they are busy = b list
    the next 8 people after that = nola, and 7 others

    image
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  • SarahSvrjcekSarahSvrjcek
    10 Comments
    We even looked at the lucky 8 people and looked at who they would be hanging out with (on Friday night and Saturday morning?).  We made sure that my best friend would be able to hang out with us or my sister because they get on well, my dad is going to room with his brother, etc. 
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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    i'm not sure what is so difficult to understand.

    some people like the color orange, some people hate it. what are you going to do about it?
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  • SarahSvrjcekSarahSvrjcek
    10 Comments
    Oh!  They b list is the best man and then we were hoping to pay the airfare for as many boyfriends/husbands as we could.
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    They b list is the best man

    Do tell?
    image
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  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Just try to remember that money isn't the only reason people don't want to do these things.  Does she have kids and/or pets?  Would she need to find someone to watch them for 4 days?  Does she have a secret fear of flying?

    I agree that she handled it poorly, but maybe ask her why she doesn't like the idea.  And she doesn't have to go.  I'm sure you'll still have an amazing time celebrating in Jamaica without her.
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  • SarahSvrjcekSarahSvrjcek
    10 Comments

    What am I going to do about it?  Come on here and vent because I just offered someone over $1,000 and they threw it back in my face!  So ungrateful!

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  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    Dude, people don't want to go to Jamaica to watch you get married. I wouldn't want to spend all that time on a plane to watch a ceremoney and turn right back around. I don't care who you are. Get over it.
    image
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  • WzzWzz member
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    i'd rather have the $1000 cash money than the trip.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    I know full well I'm getting picky.  How are there no vacation days?  To get there on a Friday night they'll need to fly out no later than 7 pm- an international flight and travel to airport has at least some vacation hours.  Staying until 3 pm gets them home late Sunday night.  Not that they would need recovery time, but Monday at work could suck.  Even if there is no vacation time they've now spent 10+ hrs travel to spend 36 hrs in the sand? 
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  • SarahSvrjcekSarahSvrjcek
    10 Comments

    Here's why the b list is the best man:  Richard got to choose 4 people, and I got to choose 4 people.  Richard chose his parents and his two sisters.  I chose my dad, my uncle, my sister, and since my mom's dead I am bringing my best friend instead.  She's my MOH. 

    My uncle is a millionare and there is a good chance that he will pay for himself.  If he does, or if we get a special deal for booking so many rooms, or if we can get people to share rooms, I'm asking for donations instead of having a bridal shower, wedding gifts, engagement party, all that -- if there's any money left it goes towards getting Richard's cousin there so that he can be Richard's best man.  If we have any funds left over after that, it goes towards helping pay for the boyfriends/husbands.

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  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wtf-24?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:9e8f96c1-b671-486d-a720-1cfbd8d7f90fPost:cba2cf2f-4aad-47cd-964f-0bda63067a83">Re: WTF?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's why the b list is the best man:  Richard got to choose 4 people, and I got to choose 4 people.  Richard chose his parents and his two sisters.  I chose my dad, my uncle, my sister, and since my mom's dead I am bringing my best friend instead.  She's my MOH.  My uncle is a millionare and there is a good chance that he will pay for himself.  If he does, or if we get a special deal for booking so many rooms, or if we can get people to share rooms, <strong>I'm asking for donations</strong> instead of having a bridal shower, wedding gifts, engagement party, all that -- if there's any money left it goes towards getting Richard's cousin there so that he can be Richard's best man.  If we have any funds left over after that, it goes towards helping pay for the boyfriends/husbands.
    Posted by SarahSvrjcek[/QUOTE]

    Please DO tell me exactly how you did this?
    image
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  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wtf-24?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:9e8f96c1-b671-486d-a720-1cfbd8d7f90fPost:cba2cf2f-4aad-47cd-964f-0bda63067a83">Re: WTF?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's why the b list is the best man:  Richard got to choose 4 people, and I got to choose 4 people.  Richard chose his parents and his two sisters.  I chose my dad, my uncle, my sister, and since my mom's dead I am bringing my best friend instead.  She's my MOH.  My uncle is a millionare and there is a good chance that he will pay for himself.  If he does, or if we get a special deal for booking so many rooms, or if we can get people to share rooms,<strong> I'm asking for donations instead of having a bridal shower, wedding gifts, engagement party, all that</strong> -- if there's any money left it goes towards getting Richard's cousin there so that he can be Richard's best man.  If we have any funds left over after that, it goes towards helping pay for the boyfriends/husbands.
    Posted by SarahSvrjcek[/QUOTE]

    Oh boy.  Please do not do this.
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  • E SquaredE Squared member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    Wait, wait, wait.
    Asking for donations?
    To pay for what exactly?

    I need to know before I fly completely off the handle.
    image
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  • SarahSvrjcekSarahSvrjcek
    10 Comments

    *Sigh* Fine.  You're right.  It's a bad idea.  I guess we'll just have a reception here at home.  It's just that I have all these drunk/drug addicted relatives...I mean A LOT.  I don't want Richard's family to see them.  One of them pisses her pants she gets so drunk.  This sucks...Cry

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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    Just go with your parents and call it a day.
    image
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    It's not that you can't have the destination wedding, just don't expect people to be as excited as you.  And most of us would say that to a bride having an at home reception.

    If you have family that are that bad in public I wouldn't want them there either.
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  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't understand how it's either your best friend goes or no one goes.  If it's really what you want to do, just go with your original 7 people and have a good time.  I understand you'd be sad if she wasn't there, but is it really a dealbreaker for the whole trip?
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  • SarahSvrjcekSarahSvrjcek
    10 Comments
    The donations:  Well I figured that people shouldn't have to buy me all those gifts n' stuff.  If anyone wants to buy us a wedding gift or whatever, they can help us get his best man there.  Why, is this bad???
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm still all kinds of confused that the best man is on the b list. It seems like a lot factors have to fall into place to get him there. Your bff isn't going, so why can't he have her place?
    image
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  • SarahSvrjcekSarahSvrjcek
    10 Comments
    No, it's not that my best friend goes or nobody goes.  It's just that I thought, "How bratty!  If she doesn't want to go, then who would?"  So I posted here to see what people really thought.  So I'm ditching the idea.  I'll break it to Richard when he gets home.  I just wanted everybody to have a good time and I wanted to feel good all day.  I just wanted it to be fun.
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