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2 BLOWS all within 2 hours!! I can't take this!!

Dee729Dee729 member
Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
in Florida-South Florida
My lovely father who is paying for my reception has stated from day 1 that he wanted a seperate card in the wedding envelope stating: Reception following immediately given by: (his full name)

I hated that idea from day 1...so I ignored it..and showed him a sample invite...yeah....he hates it...why? because the extra card about HIM hosting the party is not included.

He doesn't understand that while he is paying for a chunk of it....Garrett's parents are also paying for the flowers, and my mother is paying for the linens, chairs and chargers...so why just make him look good?  ugh...welcome to my world.

Jewish Brides:
I understand that in a typical jewish ceremony, both parents stand under the chuppah with the bride and groom...however, we are having an inter-faither ceremony and have decided NOT to have the parents standing with us....my mom is not happy...she says: we are jewish so we stand...I don't want to sit with the guests....told her she didn't have a choice....

Why are things so difficult.....who cares....just sit down for 30 minutes...she will be front row first seat.....3 feet from us! 

UGH.....great freakin morning.
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Re: 2 BLOWS all within 2 hours!! I can't take this!!

  • MIABRIDENTAMPAMIABRIDENTAMPA
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I hope your afternoon is better than your morning. I have no advice.
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  • xVWxxVWx
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I"m kind of going threw something similar.  My mom wants to make sure that she is the first one mentioned on the invite because she is paying for the majority of it.. At first i fought her on it but now i understand where she is coming from.  Why don't you put his name on the top of the invite and show him that good etiquette shows that whose ever is paying for the wedding goes on top. Lie a little. :)
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  • Dee729Dee729 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    my fathers name is on top and my mom's name is under his.....he is fine with that....he just wants that extra card with the reception info given my him!

    Why does it have to be a competition...FI parents are paying for the flowers...my mother is paying for the linens, chargers and chivari chairs.....why does he have to announce to everyone he is paying for the reception when there are other things that make up this ceremony.
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  • sford75sford75
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I feel for you. My mom is the same way. 
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  • xVWxxVWx
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    honestly.
    Its just because he think he can. Its your day.. but his day to gloat. In his mind, the chairs and flowers are insignificant. Maybe make a card that says Reception given by your dad, mom and fi's parents and suggest this is his only other option. I know its a tight spot. I would def. have your FI speak to his parents about what is going on. so they are in the loop. Also suggest to you dad maybe he pay for the chairs and linens and flowers.. if he wants the name on the card. Maybe Fi's family and your mom would be willing to give you the money and say that its for your honeymoon and then they can have a card that says that they will be sending you on a honeymoon or giving you the down payment on a new home.
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  • Lacey36Lacey36 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    oh no, wish I could help. Hope things get better though.
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  • twinkle82576twinkle82576 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Tough situation. Hope your day gets better.
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  • ARose29.defunct635760306938291358ARose29.defunct635760306938291358 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am kinda having the same issue.  I have 3 parents helping a bit with the reception and one that isn't helping at all.  I have no idea what to do since they all want to be mentioned, even though I am the one responsible for the majority of it anyway.

    With the ceremony, no advice there.  We are having a nondenominational one to avoid hurting anyone's feelings.  I was raised Jewish and my mom is Catholic.  His family is Catholic.

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  • adrielegorburuadrielegorburu
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow~ tough day hun!!! the only advice I can give is this:

    about the standing issue:  My mother was very upset by the choices I made around my ceremony (to the point of refusing to attend over the fact that I wanted to walk down the aisle alone)~ In the end I did what I wanted dispite the outcry from my family.  Everyone loved my ceremony, my mother cried and no one said a GD word about me walking down the aisle alone.  Tell your mother that while you respect her wishes (and religion), these are your wishes and hope that you guys come up with a comprimise (maybe the officiant can ask all the parents to stand at some point in the ceremony to acknowledge them) or she will just get over it as my mother did.

    As far as your father is concerened this sounds to me like you hit the nail on the head about competition.  It appears he wants to make it known to everyone that he has contributed the most.  I can only tell you what I would do in your place and thats to have a frank conversation with your father and tell him that you appreciate everything he has done and have every intention of thanking him at the wedding in front of your guests (maybe in a toast or something) but that you do not feel comfortable including an additional card in your invitations singling him out.  I would point out that although he was a major  contributor, many others have contributed and it would be in poor taste to include a card with only his name.  I dont know if this helps you at all but i can say that I delt with some major family issues during planning that at the end of the day didnt matter!! Its your wedding, do what you want!!
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  • graceandjakegraceandjake member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Goodness that all sounds so stressful love.  Hope everything is smoother for you from here on out!
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  • BridetobeLizzyBridetobeLizzy member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    dont be sad! You are about to win the PHOTOBOOTH!!! that should make you VERY HAPPY!!!!!!! :)
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  • lyndopolyndopo
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Make ONE card for just him and say that everyone else got it. Haha... that's just me.
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  • Dee729Dee729 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    haha....OR Lynette....just put the cards in HIS families envelopes...in case he talks to them....ooooo LOVE that idea!

    Liz - me? you have SOOOO many votes!  I think you won!  I even gave up the last 5 days....didn't want to annoy my friends anymore!  haha
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  • cinthia122cinthia122 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I was thinking the samething Lynette just posted when I read this.  I would not include the extra card, but that's just me.  GL!
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  • PhiSigFlyPhiSigFly
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Definitely agree with some of the others! Send the card to him and his family, he'll be happy and it will save you an argument!
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  • RemyAlexandraRemyAlexandra
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    haha i LOVE the idea to just send the little card to his family! that sounds like a perfect answer!
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  • Meg1979Meg1979
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know this really probably doesn't solve the problem, but my sister got married to a Jewish man and we're Catholic (I'm also marrying a Jewish guy) and instead of the parents around the chuppah they had their godparents/very close family friends.  It wasn't the parents, true, but maybe your mother could make a compromise?  You could have a rep for the family there and someone you care about? 

    As for the father issue...tha'ts a tough one.  I don't understand why it's a competition, but for some people it is a competition.  I agree with the posters above to talk to your FI about it or point out some sort of precedent in an etiquette book. Failing that, send him an awesome card in his invite.  ;)
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