XP: Groomsman tried to kiss me! What do I do????

SCogs18 · December 2011

Last night FI and I went out to a bar with two of our good friends (a couple). The guy is one of my FI's groomsman and has been our friend for two years and he has been with his girlfriend (a friend of mine I met through groomsman) for a year and a half.

We were hanging out at their house after we left and groomsman pulled me aside and confided in me that he was worried he was sexually inadiquate for his gf. I tried to reassure him that she loved him and I'm sure everything was fine without really getting into specifics (for obvious reasons). I thought the conversation was over and he went to give me a hug, but instead he went in for a full on kiss! I pull back and he went back in a second time! I pushed him away and went to FI and told him we needed to leave immediately.

This morning I got a text from the groomsman. He clearly has no recolection of what happened and then asked me if I would go with him to pick out an engagement ring for his gf. He is planning on proposing in January.

I told FI what happened and he is very upset with groomsman but they haven't spoken yet. What do we do?? Do I go to his girlfriend? Do I say nothing unless something happens again? Do we ask groomsman to not be in the wedding (I know that is generally frowned upon)? I have no idea and this whole situation is totally out of left field and so upsetting. I feel awful.

mamameech · December 2011

EEEk touchy situation. It's hard to get past something like that whether he was intoxicated or not. I'd say give it some time and thought. If you really can't accept it, then maybe he shouldn't be a groomsman.

What would he do at the wedding?!?!

kirab2 · December 2011

I think your FI should calmly talk to him about it. Was the guy totally trashed? not that its an excuse im just curious why he has no memory of it. Is this out of character for him?

wineo929 · December 2011

This is not a fun situation.

So sorry you're going through it! I definitely think you need to talk to FI about what the 2 of you want to do... I also agree with PP. FI should have a talk with the groomsman. He needs to figure out what's going on with him!! Good luck

SeaTea02 · December 2011

Ohshit. I don't even know what I would do. I would probably have texted him back asking if after last night I was really the person he wanted to take shopping for a ring and see if he remembered what happened.

I don't know how your FI could ever really be friends with him again, never the less have him as a groomsman.... I think removing a bridal party member is frowned upon when you don't think they are "helping enough" and little things NOT hitting on the bride.

DeadUtopia · December 2011

I'm sorry! Is it possible that he was just that wasted? If he hasn't done anything like this before, and it's out of his character, I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it's hard to say. I honestly don't even know what I would do, but I probably wouldn't go ring shopping with him though.

jessa1228 · December 2011

Oh boy, what a tough situation. Have you been around him when he's that drunk before? FI's best friend gets super touchy-feely with everyone when he's wasted, so we know to just laugh it off. If this behavior isn't typical of the GM then I would definitely be concerned. I also think GM's GF should be informed of what happened, especially if this guy is planning to propose. As for keeping him in the bridal party...well, that's ultimately your FI's decision. Kicking him out is a friendship-ending move, which may be appropriate anyway. I suggest your FI have a long hard talk with GM about what happened and to see if the situation is salvageable. Good luck :-/

TheGaffer · December 2011

It doesn't matter if he was drinking. It doesn't matter if you were drinking. It doesn't matter if he remembers it or not. What matters is that he tried to kiss you. You have an obligation to your friend before she marries someone who tried to kiss you while thinking about proposing to her. She could very well ask you to be in her wedding, could you be a bridesmaid while knowing that he might be cheating on her? Sure, you can white wash it any way you want, it was JUST a kiss, he was drunk, what she doesn't know can't hurt her, it MAY never happen again. But the truth is that if my FI got drunk and kissed (or tried to kiss) my friend, that would not be ok.

If I was in your friends place, i'd want to know NOW, before he proposed to me and I announced to the world that I was getting married. Would I leave him, stay with him, believe you? Who knows, but I would be pissed if you waited until after I told my mom, dad, best friend and 2nd cousin that I was getting married, that he tried to kiss you.

Just my thoughts.

TheGaffer · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_xp-groomsman-tried-kiss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:8ba0c50e-d0e6-43fd-bc21-dbe799f63df2Post:7d0182ca-0f84-461f-9504-121abded56eb">Re: XP: Groomsman tried to kiss me! What do I do????</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry! Is it possible that he was just that wasted? If he hasn't done anything like this before, and it's out of his character, I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it's hard to say. I honestly don't even know what I would do, but I probably wouldn't go ring shopping with him though.
Posted by DeadUtopia[/QUOTE]

<div>I completely disagree. Drinking too much is not an excuse. If your FI got drunk and tried to kiss someone, would you just brush it off as too much alcohol?</div>

BMcLeodTeam · December 2011

I have to agree with PP, I never bought into the booze being an excuse mentality. I actually had a conversation with FI about this thread, just to find out his opinion. When I explained the story to him, saying 'if this was you and I getting married and...' he quickly stated "First of all, he's not a man, so groomsman is an incorrect title.... Secondly, he wouldn't be invited to our wedding, let alone stand beside me. It doesn't matter what their excuse is, no true friend of mine would do that. Lastly, I would be encouraging you to call her asap, because that poor woman has the right to know that is going on long before she has to be put in a position where she might feel backed into a corner of accepting and forgiving him, or publically admitting something is wrong when she calls off the engagement".
I agree whole heartedly with everything FI said...

nicknuttnc · December 2011

I do not care if he was wasted or not, but that is totally wrong. There is no excuse for this sort of behaviour. I hate to think what would have happened if my FI's friend would have done that. First, I think that is an automatic out of the BP and then there would be some really re-evaluating of the friendship. How dare he touch you and invade his friend relationship. You are too mice I would have hit the roof....

XP: Groomsman tried to kiss me! What do I do????

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