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August 2012 Weddings
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Guest List Issues

EjMalleryEjMallery
10 Comments
in August 2012 Weddings
Help! I'm getting married in August and I am yet to finialize the guest list because of my soon to be mother in law. We are getting married on a small nonworking farm. It will be completly outdoors. I am trying to keep the guest as close to 200 as possible due to space and money (my parents are paying for everything). However my soon to be mother in law keeps giving me names of some family members SHE wants there. They are family members that my soon to be hubby hasn't spoken to in over 10 years. I've tried telling her that we want to keep it just close friends and family but she says the wedding is for the parents too and that we should invite them because they will give us lots of money because they are rich. I personally don't care about the gifts, i'd much rather celebrate with the people we are close with. How do I get her to back off? I feel like because we are so young (19 & 20) she thinks she can control us. Please help!

Please do not respond if all your going to do is ask me if i'm sure I want to get married, I know what I am doing and I don't need your opinion. Thanks!
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Re: Guest List Issues

  • skeppler1skeppler1 member
    100 Comments
    That is a tough situation, but maybe your FI should get involved if he isn't already and talk to his mom and try to tell her what your wishes are as the couple that is getting married.
    I am jealous that you found the guy that you want to be with that young, It took both of us a little bit to find each other and we can't wait to be married and start our life together.
    I hope things work out for you and your wedding turns out to be everything that you dreamed of.

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  • mbatzlaffmbatzlaff
    100 Comments
    If you family is paying then your MIL doesn't get as much say in the guest list. First decide how many people you will invite. If your limit is 200 then make that firm. Then you and FI should make a list of friends/family you for sure want there. After that count your number and subtract it from the 200. If you already have 150 people you want to invite, then it would mean both sets of parents can add 50 additionals.  I would have your FI talk to her and give her a number she is allowed to invite. That way she can cut down her own guest list. It may be easier if she knows exactly how many she is allowed to invite.

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  • jaguama28jaguama28 member
    First Comment
    It is a tough situation but try to make the best out of it. I am in a similar situation because of budget. We have budgeted 100 guests and my MIL wants to also invite people I have never met (I know my fiance and family for 10 years) or maybe have seen once in my life... At the end I decided not to stress about it and just letting my fiance talk to her about it and tell her that our budget allows this many guests... if she wants to add more, she is welcome but she would have to help us for the cost of those extra guests. We'll see how it goes. Hope this helped.
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  • saraschilling88saraschilling88
    500 Comments
    I agree with PPs that you should have your FI talk to his mom, and designate a certain amount of guests that she can invite (once you have the ones you especially want on the list)!! 

    I also am happy you found the one so soon in your life!!  I am only a few years older than you (just turned 24), and I occasionally feel like our parents are trying to step in and control a bit more than they should..  I also have my parents helping a lot financially with the wedding (I'm the last daughter to marry) so i feel they should have some input?  Just my opinin in my specific case.

    Good luck!! :)
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  • rojacobsrojacobs
    100 Comments
    I lucked out with FMIL, they would like to invite some family friends and already offered to pay for them like it was the natural thing to do.  I don't like talking money with the FILs, so I'll probably have the FI work out the details.  I hope you're able to do something similar!  I think we'll take the total venue+catering+alcohol contract, divide by # of guests, and that will be the "price" per guest to give to the FIL.

    Good luck!
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  • EjMalleryEjMallery
    10 Comments
    Thanks for the advice and support!!! I talked to my FI and he made a few cuts and then he talked to his mom and explained to her and things went well!! Now I can send out the STD's!!   

    Also to bmetz34: I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so defensive I just get a lot of crap for a lot of people that don't know me and my FI and this was my first ever post so I didn't really know how everyone was on here. But now I see that you are all helpful and supportive so I look forward to shairng ideas and advice with you all =D
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  • william+brittneywilliam+brittney member
    10 Comments
    Hey I may be a little late on replying, but i hope you see it! I am also 21 and my FI is 23 and I am soo over hearing how I am too young to get married by my co-workers. But about the guest list that might help, my FI and I made a FOR SURE guest list and a MAYBE guest list, and when the FOR SURE list wasnt full yet, we moved some of the MAYBE people over. and having the maybe list helped us to really take time and think about that person and if we're going to see or talk to them ever again.
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