My second his first....shower? Bachelorette Party?

jenniferconigliarotobe · April 2010

So this is my second marriage and everyone wants me to have a shower and bachelorette party but in my mind I feel weird like my family and friends will be like another wedding, shower, bachelorette party....do I register! I don't know how to feel....been 7 years since my first wedding....what do you think? I feel like I should have a shower so my fiance can expierence things he shouldn't not have that....but I just feel like I shouldn't for some reason....what do you girls think!

geordieboysgirl · April 2010

If you want a shower, have one, especially if people are encouraging you. I felt weird about registering too, but even if you don't people will buy you stuff. You might as well register for things you can use.

There is a post titled "It's normal' (or something like that) on the second page of posts. I would suggest you read it. I think you will feel a little better, we all have different feeling the second time around.

Sue-n-Kevin · April 2010

Ditto what everyone else said.

tenofcups4me · April 2010

I'd consider a shower with his side of the family and/or his friends, but not with my own friends or family. As a guest, I would definitely roll my eyes at "having to" go to a shower for a friend or family member who just had a shower and wedding 7 years ago.

luckyme502 · April 2010

I have no problems with showers and parties for second weddings. It is my second and his first too! My situations is a little different in that I never had those parties the first time.

Marrin713 · April 2010

Thritto the others. I admit that at first the idea of a shower and/or bach party sounded too "first wedding-ish" for someone who is my age and marrying for the 2nd time, but you know, I'm sorta hoping that someone throws a party or shower. They're fun and even tho we need nothing, it would still be a blast to get together.

Heather822 · April 2010

I am in the exact same boat as you.
My 1st wedding was 4 years ago. But this is FI's first.

His family is so excited, and want to go through all the traditions like a shower.
However, I know my mom all ready threw me a BEAUTIFUL shower, and I just can't ask her to do it again.

So, what I suggested to my MOH to tell them (because I thought it would be awkward & inappropriare for me to dictate anything like a shower) was just to have a lowkey shower, even a BBQ at MOH's house. Maybe even have everyone bring a dish of food instead of a gift.

We are registering, but not for a lot. We just bought a house in November and have most of the basics.

Bottom line is what PP'ers said: go with what other people want to do for you.

melissamc2 · April 2010

This is my third marriage. No one "has" to attend anything, but I'm not going to celebrate this any less than I did one in the past. I feel that would be a slap in the face to my fiance, to insinuate that "because I'd done it before," that this was somehow less deserving of excitement and celebration.

Love is a celebration, not a number or timeline. If your friends and family do not agree, they do not have to participate. I'd be very upset if a man implied that our new life together was less special simply because he'd been there and done that. I'd also be very disappointed in my friends and family if they couldn't separate the past from the present/future.

Good luck and I hope you can celebrate this new love, and life, the way it truly deserves to be.

thealphabride · April 2010

Congrats on your engagement! Please accept a shower if folks want it for you, it is the gracious thing to do for him and his family so they can share in the excitement. This is your first time marrying him. Enjoy. Celebrate. you.deservie it.

My sisters are throwing me a shower and I plan on inviting everyone. If someone doesn't want to come just send regets, and they are still invited to the wedding!!

bubajoe · April 2010

I'm in the same boat - 2nd marriage, his first. I actually don't agree with everyone else. Sorry guys - Showers are those traditions to get a couple started on their journey together. Many times if you're been married or have been living on your own for some time, you already have a toaster, plates, towels...etc. When I moved in with my fiance we were giving stuff away - we had two of everything! People will be giving you a wedding gift too, if you decide you need new towels and sheets...

As for your fiance, most guys, not all, don't really care about the shower. They'd rather not be around a bunch of women with the spot light on them.

Zooloo · April 2010

I didn't want a shower, but my maid of honor (who has never been in a wedding party before) was super excited to throw me one. So, I wasn't going to take that from her. I was there more or less to humor her.

)

puffs1366 · April 2010

I also am in the same boat. I was married for 12 years, separated for 4 years and divorced 2 years ago. My fiance has never been married and wants all the bells and whistles for his first. Luckily I do have a man that wants to be involved, but I if he left it up to me, I would have had a civil ceremony and a party. I personally don't want a shower, but my friends and daughter want to throw me one. It will be more bachelorette-like than shower-like. I do not need the gifts. Just like for our wedding, we moved in together a year and a half ago and have too much stuff. So we are going to do a honeymoon wedding registry. I would rather someone pay for an upgrade at the honeymoon hotel than to get me a set of pots! LOL. Make your registry fun if you want one. Make it for things that you personally enjoy (books, sewing items, etc.). If you belong to a gym, perhaps someone can purchase you time with a personal trainer. Otherwise, just have a fun party with your friends and have no registry. Congratulations and good luck.

Bolos3 · April 2010

I was in the same situation as you. It had been nearly 8 years since my previous wedding. We had a shower with his family and got many items we needed as a new husband and wife. It was very nice and we both appreciated the opportunity to start fresh.

melissamc2 · April 2010

I think some people are thinking of showers in very limited terms. Lingerie parties, sex toy parties, and just a fun luncheon with friends and family without any gifts at all can still count as a "shower." It's not all cookware and china - nor should it be.

It's about celebrating your new life/relationship, not about what kind of gifts you get.

mzkynd · May 2010

well said

i didn't have any parties, or festivities at my first it was a quick courthouse deal with a small reception dinner at a steakhouse in town,, not a lot of joy let me tell you, i am looking forward to actually having a wedding!

My second his first....shower? Bachelorette Party?

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