Looking for a nic way to say "leave the kids at home."

Re: Looking for a nic way to say "leave the kids at home."

• Carson386 member

  

  November 2012

  Just don't addess the invitations to the children. Mr & Mrs John Smith gets the point across. You shouldn't ever include those not invited. If Mr & Mrs Smith respond for their daughter Jane as well, a simple phone call saying "I'm sorry for the confusion Mr Smith, but the invitation was just for you and Mrs Smith, I hope you can stll attend"

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• Loopyseven member

  

  November 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_looking-for-a-nic-way-to-say-leave-the-kids-at-home?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4573c31-7e0e-4115-9b2f-fb8d90f9fe91Post:ad1acd8c-354f-46a3-aff4-5d9ff76e346b">Re: Looking for a nic way to say "leave the kids at home."</a>:
  [QUOTE]Just don't addess the invitations to the children. Mr & Mrs John Smith gets the point across. You shouldn't ever include those not invited. If Mr & Mrs Smith respond for their daughter Jane as well, a simple phone call saying "I'm sorry for the confusion Mr Smith, but the invitation was just for you and Mrs Smith, I hope you can stll attend"
  Posted by Carson386[/QUOTE]
  
  Exactly this.<div>
  </div><div>You'll find it easier to "explain" (not that you have to justify it... but people will talk) if  you limit the kids in circles ie: nieces and nephews only, family only, etc.</div>

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• gailpete member

  

  November 2012

  I agree with PPs. However, you say you want to include the kids of family and close friends.  That can get tricky.  It's one thing to say family only, but when you say family and close friends you will be faced with guests that get hurt because  you didn't consider them close friends and invite their kids.  They could take it as "I'm a close enough friend to invite to your wedding so I have to give you a gift, but not a close enough friend to include my kids."  So be careful.  If I were you, I would limit it to family kids only.

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• kmmssg mod

  

  November 2012 edited November 2012

  I have no issues with choosing some kids and not others.  They are like any other class of guests - you pick and choose your friends, neighbors, coworkers, church family.  When one of our girls is getting married we invite the kids we have a relationship with.  We don't invite the kids of their coworkers they have never even met.

  
  

  Yes, parents may be offended and not take it well, but in my eyes they are the ones being rude, not you.  Somehow our society has gotten this entitlement attitude that if some kids are invited every kid must be and I disagree with it.  The trick is having the backbone to survive the attitude of the rude parents and deal with any fall out.

  
  

  I lost a friendship with a couple like this.  They are raising 4 of the most ill-mannered and obnoxious girls you have ever met.  There were 2 other couples in our group with kids I have longstanding relationships with.  I refused to not invite the good kids to avoid the bad kids.  The couple was ticked and we aren't friends anymore.  That is my consequence for not inviting their kids to anything.  I'm good with that and I own my decision.  You will need to also.

  
  

  ETA - I almost forgot - our last DD had a no kid wedding.  We took the opportunity to get that in the conversation when anyone asked us about the wedding plans.  We weren't obnoxious about it, but if we were at family gatherings, friends at parties and we were asked about the wedding plans, we would say something like "the kids are having an adult reception at XXX Hall.  There were few surprises by the time the wedding rolled around.

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• [Deleted User]

  

  November 2012

  I would like to first start off by saying thank you all so much for responding to my question :. All of these suggestions seem like they will work but it is kmmsg's response that really hits the nail on the head for me! First off the reception hall limits child attendance to 20 kids and thats already more then I would like but its no where near the amount these folks want to bring! I mean come on really? I have friends with 5 kids and they want to bring them to a night time wedding reception? I say no! I want my family's kids there and the few close friends who's children I know well, I don't want random kids running around doing God knows what at my wedding reception. I am going to have a back bone, address the invites to the parents only and if they put more names like you guys said I will address it and tell them about the limited child attendance with the hall without saying numbers. What do you guys think?

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• Loopyseven member

  

  November 2012

  Sounds like a good plan.  I agree with all of KMMSG's post 100%.

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• whitney818 member

  

  November 2012

  I have been wondering the same thing! I like the suggestion of just addressing it to who is invited. I also noticed that many rsvp's say something like "we've reserved X seats in your honor." Then you just write in the number of seats reserved for that invitation. I feel like that is a nice way of saying "you get two seats, so clearly your kids aren't invited."  

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