Spouses of the wedding party

evamarie412 · April 2010

A few people in our wedding party are married and their spouses will be at our wedding, but are not bridesmaids or groomsmen. We are having a sit down dinner. Are the spouses supposed to be at the head table with me, the groom and the wedding party, or should I just have them all seated at a table near the head table? We are doing assigned tables, not seats.

Not sure what is expected here, please help

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

Wedding party members should be seated with their dates. That can be at a head table, at BM/GM tables, or spread out through with the rest of their family/friends.

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

Have you ever had to sit at a table of strangers?

Unless everyone knows eachother really well and would be seriously ok with sitting with their friends, they need to be seated with their SO.

evamarie412 · April 2010

Well, yeah they do all know each other. I'm not asking b/c I don't want there SO seated at the head table, we just don't have room at the head table. It is in an area that is sectioned off slightly from other tables, in a sort of cubby, and it could only fit 1 more than what the wedding party is. I have 2 friends that have spouses (and we all know each other well) and one of those to has a toddler and an infant, that would be my maid of honor.

khornack · April 2010

I'm going to echo what was said by PP. Your wedding party and their significant others should be seated together. We are doing a sweetheart table in lui of a head table because our head table would be bigger than all of our other tables. (Not having a huge wedding party, but our tables only seat 8). As a guest, it would be so awkward to have to sit by yourself.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

Then don't do a head table there. Put a head table somewhere else, or have a sweetheart table, or sit with your MOH/BM and their s/os, or sit with your parents or siblings.

deepcovejackie · April 2010

I agree that spouses should be seated with the WP members. Maybe you could sit with each of your parents in the cubby, and then have WP at tables closeby.

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

Any seating arrangement that separates the wedding party from their spouses shouldn't be considered. If you don't have room for the dates with the current arrangement, you need a new arrangement.

vgmartinez · April 2010

I had to sit at a table with strangers when FI was a GM and although my tablemates were friendly, they were all family and I was uncomfortable going through the buffet line and eating dinner with people I didn't know. I'm still trying to decide how we are going to fit everybody at the head table or if I will just do a sweetheart. I would try to make it so they can sit with SOs.

megk8oz · April 2010

I personally think separating the WP from their dates is kind of hypocritical. I mean, the whole point of the wedding is to celebrate the union of a couple, and the WP is supposed to be made up of said couple's "nearest and dearest", and are the "honored guests".

I fail to see the honor in celebrating your union by separating your nearest and dearest from their own S/Os. You're not making other friends and family members sit away from their S/Os, so why do that to the people you supposedly love best?

penguingal06 · April 2010

I am definitely splitting up my bridal party from their SOs, not because I am being mean or hypocritical, but rather because the amount of time they will actually be at the head table is rather short. We come in, we eat, then it is all about the partying, not sitting around making awkward conversation. As soon as we are done eating/toasting, the bridal party will be free to go and mingle, pull up chairs with their SOs and party. I don't think it is a big deal to NOT be seated for that short amount of time. I have honestly NEVER seen a wedding (in my local area) where the SOs of the bridal party were seated at the head table.

Yes, I do have plans to sit the SOs with either people they know or people with whom they would have things in common. For example, I am putting a couple of the SOs with college friends because we are all about the same age, similar interests and have at least heard about each other while I am putting a spouse of a GM with some of FI's work friends because they do know each other, if only through the GM and work. I think that part of celebrating the union of two people is also the celebrating the union of two sets of friends and families, what better way than to intermingle and mix them all up?

Audrey&Austin · April 2010

I'm fairly certain (although could be wrong) that it is fairly new to have a head table with the wedding party's SO. If you decided to not include them, it wouldn't be looked down upon because it is still very common.

I just personally don't like them. I went to a wedding my fiance was in and the SOs all sat at a separate table from the WP. I felt incredibly awkward being stuck with strangers that I didn't know and I had nothing in common with except our SO was in the wedding party. We plan on doing a sweetheart table, maybe that's an option since you just wont be able to fit the SO at the wedding party table.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_spouses-of-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0f7f6ba5-697a-41ff-b860-e7dc90c267f3Post:648134a7-e443-4b86-b2b6-6f72c0eaabc3">Re: Spouses of the wedding party</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I am definitely splitting up my bridal party from their SOs, not because I am being mean or hypocritical, but rather because</strong> the amount of time they will actually be at the head table is rather short. We come in, we eat, then it is all about the partying, not sitting around making awkward conversation. As soon as we are done eating/toasting, the bridal party will be free to go and mingle, pull up chairs with their SOs and party. I don't think it is a big deal to NOT be seated for that short amount of time. I have honestly NEVER seen a wedding (in my local area) where the SOs of the bridal party were seated at the head table. Yes, I do have plans to sit the SOs with either people they know or people with whom they would have things in common. For example, I am putting a couple of the SOs with college friends because we are all about the same age, similar interests and have at least heard about each other while I am putting a spouse of a GM with some of FI's work friends because they do know each other, if only through the GM and work. I think that part of celebrating the union of two people is also the celebrating the union of two sets of friends and families, what better way than to intermingle and mix them all up?
Posted by penguingal06[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You should have finished that sentence with "because I really don't care enough about them to bother to make them comfortable." </div><div>
</div><div>This is rude and inconsiderate, period. It doesn't matter how many excuses you make.

</div>

SheDiva4 · April 2010

Everyone in our WP has a SO and children, so we are definitely NOT having a head table. Not only do we want them to enjoy the evening with their spouse but also with their children.

I agree with the other posts, sitting without your SO at a dinne, no matter how short is not cool.

You can always just have you MOH her spouse the BM and his spouse with you and your FI at the head table. That way the other BM and GM can mingle with the guests.

penguingal06 · April 2010

"

You should have finished that sentence with "because I really don't care enough about them to bother to make them comfortable."

"
(Sorry, I don't know how to be fancy and actually quote text from a PP.)

Actually, I do care about my wedding party as well as their SOs. In fact, I am VERY close with several of the SOs. That is exactly why I am stressing over with whom to seat them at the reception. You will also notice that my post went on to say how I am trying to make them as comfortable as possible by seating them with friends and people they know, not sticking them at a table just to make the numbers work out. I am attempting to ameliorate any amount of awkwardness while maintaining the traditions that are close to both FI and myself. (The head final head table decision was his actually and he has also never heard of SOs being at the head table.)

However, as another PP said, this is a fairly new tradition and one that is not practiced where my wedding will be held. As I have never attended a wedding where the SOs were sitting at the head table, I find it rather judgemental of you to call me rude and inconsiderate when I am following the local traditions.

lorrissa · April 2010

I agree with you. I have never seen the spouses sittiing at the head table. At our wedding I am not planning to have spouses sit at the table.

Jeni35 · April 2010

I also look at it this way...if the photographer is going around to take pics...wouldn't it be great for the SO of the WP member to have a great shot together? To me, it just seems odd to not sit a couple together. I understand that the head table cannot be that big. However, there was a time when the Head table was only the bride, groom and the parents. You could add MOH and BG with their SO's as well.

At the time of the reception, I want my WP to enjoy themselves since they helped me through the entire process and if you don't like someone's SO- suck it up because it is your day but you can be the bigger person!

heather_shadow · May 2010

We didn't have any married couples, but we did have long-term dating couples. We put the dates who were not at the wedding party at a table all together. After the dinner, everyone moved around to be with their significant others. Of course, you should probably find out how comfortable your wedding party will be with that. I wouldn't mind be seperated from my husband for 1 hour, but some people might mind.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

The thing is, it's not just the one hour. Your WP likely haven't seen their spouses for the entire day, because they're spending the entire day with you. At my sister's wedding, when I found out that I was going to be sitting at a head table without DH, I cried. Actual tears. It had been a long and stressful weekend and I hadn't seen much of him (back at a time when we only saw each other on weekends), and I would have given anything to have had just that little bit of quiet time together. I don't remember much about her wedding, which was only about a year and a half ago, but I remember how much I wanted dinner to be over so I could actually start enjoying myself.

Your wedding party are supposed to be your most honored guests. Treat them as such, or don't have attendants.

MillerBride11 · May 2010

A few years ago in another relationship I attended a wedding of mutual friends of ours, My bf at the time was a GM and only the brides family were BM's. at their reception it was kind of like this. One head table had the B&G, MOH & her date and BM & his date. the second head table held 3 BM's and thier dates and the third table had the GM's and thier dates. . .. Just a thought!

Our daugther will be 2 when we are married and she will be our FG and will most likely sit with us at our table.

Spouses of the wedding party

Re: Spouses of the wedding party

Choose Another Board

Search Boards