Dad and/or Stepdad to walk me down the aisle?

AshRouss · October 2010

My parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember. I wanted to have both my dad and my stepdad walk me down the aisle. My stepdad and I have a wonderful relationship, while my dad and I have been distant ever since he got remarried and I moved away for college. When I asked my stepdad he was brought to tears, when I asked my dad he flipped out and said that he always has to compromise and said that I was being selfish.

My stepdad has told me time and again that he is honored but that my dad should come first, but I dont feel this way.

Any Ideas?

krimson19 · October 2010

for my first wedding, i had my stepfather start me down the aisle. about half way down, my stepfather stepped aside and my father walked me the rest of the way. hopefully you can find a way to resolve it.

fianceekathryn · October 2010

The most "politically correct"? Alone.

But I don't know why you care about that. Your dad sounds immature and selfish. You are lucky to have such a great step-dad. I like krimson's suggestion- that way they don't have to walk you at the same time, but you can acknowledge both of their roles.

jerseydevil · October 2010

Your stepdad sounds wonderfully understanding! I agree that the most "politally correct" thing to do is walk alone and honor your father and step-father in other ways.

When you asked your dad, did he know you wanted your stepdad to walk you down, also? Even though you've been distant, he still is your dad and maybe he was expecting to be the only one walking you down the aisle and reacted poorly to sharing that role.

AshRouss · October 2010

When I asked my dad I asked him if he would walk me down with my stepdad.

MairePoppy · October 2010

Your relationship with your dad cooled as you were both going through major life changes. If you had a decent relationship up until then, then I can understand why he would expect the honor of walking you down the aisle. He might not have been aware that you felt distanced from him. It's too bad that he reacted the way he did, though.

Step-dad sounds like a smart and understanding man. I think you should take his advice and give your dad the honor of walking you down the aisle. You can get SD a boutonniere and he will escort your mother down the aisle.You can still honor your SD, by listing him with the parents in your program. And set aside some special time for him the morning of the wedding.

Lisa50 · October 2010

The politically correct way to walk down the aisle is alone.

angelfish11387 · October 2010

I am kind of in the same situation, I feel technically my bio father should walk me down, but my stepfather has been there fore me more than my bio father. because of this I am having my stepfather walk me down the isle as I feel he has earned that privilage rather than just expecting it. That doesnt mean that I dont love my father, and I will definitely love having him at my wedding, but I feel that my stepfather chose to be that roll in my life rather than just having to be and that makes him so special to me. Hopefully things can get straightened out for you! Good Luck!

AshRouss · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dad-andor-stepdad-walk-down-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:e5ca650d-e41c-4825-a396-bfd51e824034Post:f3fff4a1-c231-45db-93c0-c816a704bf52">Re: Dad and/or Stepdad to walk me down the aisle?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am kind of in the same situation, I feel technically my bio father should walk me down, but my stepfather has been there fore me more than my bio father. because of this I am having my stepfather walk me down the isle as I feel he has earned that privilage rather than just expecting it. That doesnt mean that I dont love my father, and I will definitely love having him at my wedding, but I feel that my stepfather chose to be that roll in my life rather than just having to be and that makes him so special to me. Hopefully things can get straightened out for you! Good Luck!
Posted by angelfish11387[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This is exactly how I feel. My stepdad jumped right into the father role, no questions asked. It is because of him I could attend college- and I attended him Alma Mater. He is the reason I fell in love with Wyoming, which is where I met my FI. I feel that my dad will choose not to be at the wedding BECAUSE I want my Stepdad to walk me down the aisle.</div>

MsLaura31 · October 2010

I'm having my mom walk me down the aisle. Haven't discussed this with either my dad or step-dad, but I think both of them will agree that my mom is a logical choice. I will be including my "dads" in other ways (presenting the rings in the ceremony and as a toast during the reception.)

sarahlm619 · October 2010

Do you have a brother that you're close to?

My bio-dad and my step-dad have NO relationship...my bio-dad wasn't a very good person to my mom. In order to make it so there was no family outrage -- I had decided my brother was going to walk me down! He and I are SUPER close...and he was SOOO excited!

If not -- I'd say alone -- or maybe approach bio-dad again and tell him how important it is to you -- maybe if you could have another conversation, it would go smoother...it may have just been a moment of shock?

sosterhout · October 2010

I have not read the other responses, but my FI has a little and says flat out that he will be the ONLY man to walk her down the aisle. there are other ways you can include your stepfather. unless your biological father is completely out of the picture.

chocoholic4life · October 2010

You could just walk alone and avoid as much drama as possible. It sounds like your step-dad will understand, and you will not be giving your dad an honor you don't think he has earned. Plus this way, your dad will not have to share and feel like he is only half of a father. He will still be upset, so maybe there is another way to present the argument of having both men walk with you if he blows up even more after being told that he will not be walking with you at all. The only two options I would consider in this situation would be both men or none. Choosing one or the other will hurt someone's feelings probably more than they will ever tell you.

AmandaWinsor2011 · October 2010

I think you should have whom ever you feel closer to walk you down the ailse. What a lot of people forget is that the wedding is about YOU and your FIANCE choosing to be together forever! Choose what will make YOU the happiest, not your Dad or your stepfather.

amber2123 · October 2010

I had the same thing and I told both my steo-dad and my father that I wanted them both to walk me down the aisle. My father flipped, my step-dad was proud. I told my dad he could ether suck it up and walk with me and my step-dad. or he could walk with his wife...his chioce. When he relised that I wasn't going to cave, he agreed to walk, all three of us.

AshRouss · October 2010

Amber2123- You are so lucky. I have recently had a huge blow up with my dad and my stepdad bowed out of walking me because he knew how hurt I was. I was more hurt when my step dad said no then when my dad said no. My FI is just confused and wanted my stepdad to walk me down the aisle.

amber2123 · October 2010

My dad is all talk, I knew he would fold. But thanks to that I now have the issue of wanting my mom and step-mom to walk together and my step-mom is a...I have too many words for her that would get me blocked, so just fill in the blank yourself.

alyssalowe · October 2010

I stopped reading responses. Just want to give a lil fyi in my situation. The same thing happened to me I hadnt seen my dad or really talked to him in years and we didnt have a good relationship. My step dad who is great and basically raised me is walking me down the aisle, no bio dad involved. Bio dad freaked out and we no longer talk. I dont regret it. He should understand he didnt raise me, he doesnt get that honor or get to share it even.

AshRouss · November 2010

You guys have all been so helpful. It is nice to know that I am not the only one. I am glad to see that other brides got the chance to have a wonderful day and be happy. AFTER the hiccups.

MCCRARYSCOTT · May 2011

I am afraid of the same situation. My mom and bio dad got divorced when i was 2 years old. My mom remarried when I was 3 years old with my stepdad. I was never close to my bio dad growing up. In fact, i didn't really see him much for 6 years of my life. We just started reconnecting and visiting again with each other. I am getting married next April and really want my step dad to walk me down the aisle. I feel he has been apart of my life since i was a toddler and deserves that honor. I haven't told my real dad yet. I am really scared of what his reaction is going to be.

Dad and/or Stepdad to walk me down the aisle?

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