Wedding Registry?

vettechgirl · August 2010

I come from a family of court house weddings or very tacky weddings. My dad and step mom didn't even know what the terms 'venue' and 'wedding registry' were. Weddings on that side of the family have always been very thrown together, done pot luck, family reunion style, or just don't happen because the couple eloped.

My fiance's family comes from a very traditional up bringing, where the bride and groom wear white, there is no black in sight, no fornication, etc.

My fiance and I have been living together for four years (much to the displeasure of his parents- who still think we haven't even slept together yet). We really don't need things like a toaster, and cutlery, and dip trays. What we really need is the money to hire contractors to help us fix our house up!

So, my question is, how do I handle a wedding registry, if at all? I think we would probably register at a place like Lowes or Home Depot, but that still doesn't help us with the money to hire someone to help us do the work. Also, I don't think my family would understand what to do. I don't have the time to call every single person and explain what it is. I also think my side of the family would be a little uncomfortable because most have never dealt with a wedding registry before. Mostly what my side of the family has done is give a check for $10 bucks if your lucky. Usually it's just a pat on the back and a "good luck!"

If anyone has any stories on suggestions on handling the situation, I would love to hear them!

opalsky007 · August 2010

Put together a small registry at Home Depot, and spread via word of mouth that you're saving up for home renovations. People will be inclined to give cash, but there's no way to encourage more than that "$10 and a pat on the back" you mention.

georgia_bride09 · August 2010

You can't register to receive money. Is this what you're asking? All you can do is register at Lowe's or whatever, and if someone asks, you can tell them that you're registered, but you'd prefer money to hire a contractor.

Also, if you really need to fix up your house, you should consider downsizing your wedding to free up more house money.

Also, this: My fiance's family comes from a very traditional up bringing, where the bride and groom wear white, there is no black in sight, no fornication, etc. is ridiculous. The virginal groom wears white, too, huh?

How old are y'all? Your avatar is tiny, but it looks like your groom is too old for his parents to care if he's knocking boots.

FutureMrsTR · August 2010

Do a small registry. Your family will do what they always do whether you register or not. Your FI's family will appreciate the convenience of a registry if they want to get you a boxed gift (or if you have a shower).

You could have your FMIL maybe spread through word of mouth to her family that you guys have everything you need, but you're saving up for house repairs or whatever.

squirrly · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-registry-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:121ec3a0-92ba-4e82-be1d-af20e8d039b4Post:709d1399-a475-4e00-96f7-fd321143f02c">Re: Wedding Registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Put together a small registry at Home Depot, and spread via word of mouth that you're saving up for home renovations. People will be inclined to give cash, but there's no way to encourage more than that "$10 and a pat on the back" you mention.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

This. It kinda sorta sounds like you're looking for a way to charge admission for your family, essentially, and that's just not ok. At all. In any way. No matter how you do it.

tldh · August 2010

FI and I had been on our own for more than a decade before moving in together. A couple of Goodwill Stores had some very nice donations from us in February so I get where you are coming from.

We did a small registry at BB&B and Macy's because guests kept asking us where we are registered. It contains nothing that we can't use and involves replacing some things that really do need to be replaced. You can't ask for money.

As for your side of the family, I'm afraid I can't help.

cat1121 · August 2010

Register at Bed Bath and Beyond or a place that will give you cash back on your registry gifts.

Lowes also gives cash back.

Spread the word, but also register at places like that.

opalsky007 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-registry-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:121ec3a0-92ba-4e82-be1d-af20e8d039b4Post:b846cf62-82ca-4232-801b-9eb4d0304d8e">Re: Wedding Registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Register at Bed Bath and Beyond or a place that will give you cash back on your registry gifts. Lowes also gives cash back. Spread the word, but also register at places like that.
Posted by cat1121[/QUOTE]

That's pretty dishonest, and as bad as registering for cash in my book.

vettechgirl · August 2010

Thank you for your suggestions, everyone! I certainly didn't mean to come across like I was expecting money from my side of the family. I just didn't want my FI's family to get upset because they have already gifted us $9,000 for our wedding, and my family hasn't given anything. I don't want them also feeling like they are the only ones who 'care' and gave gifts or money.

Most of my family can't really afford a whole lot to begin with, so I would feel really funny registering for things that cost a lot. That's why this is so sticky. You've got poor farm girl meets semi-rich city boy! Traditions and income are vastly different. I just don't want anyone feel uncomfortable because one side of the family didn't give enough, or the things we are asking for and doing are too expensive (as it is, my dad thinks we should have had a court house wedding four years ago, and is pretty peeved that we're spending so much money and time on the wedding.).

But thank you for the suggestions!

JenO24 · August 2010

Do a small registry. Then let some close family know who will spread by word of mouth that you 2 are saving for XYZ...people will get the hint and will be willing to contribute, but if not thats why you need a small registry. Register for items you can upgrade like new bath towls, pot holders, paring knives, etc...

georgia_bride09 · August 2010

It's not a competition. His family will give what they can afford and your family will give what they can afford. The only two people who will really know who gave what is you and your FI. You're overthinking the whole "his family is richer than mine" situation. Just let it go, and you'll be less stressed.

marisah83 · August 2010

I agree with everyone else. You can't ask people for gifts for money, but if improving your house is a big priority, register at Lowe's or Home Depot for a few things you'll need. That will incline many who want to get you a gift to give cash.

samgirl · August 2010

I don't think you came across as asking for money at all. I think your question is normal for a lot of brides these days, but for some reason it's a touchy subject on this site. bottom line, you need a registry, but you don't want stuff you don't need, which is frankly more wasteful. i like the site we're using (www.depositagift.com) it's a cash gift registry site that has a really personal aspect to it. lots of room for explanation about what it is and what you're doing for folks that aren't familiar and also has a phone number if they need help. you can make it really cute and register for anything like a honeymoon or home remodeling or furniture or newlywed activities of things you two like to do together. even our least tech-savvy guests have said they thought it was fun and easy. good luck. just know you're not alone when it comes to this topic at all.

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