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Not Engaged Yet
KS2011RS
member
Did your S/O...?
Guess this is the right board to post on.
Anyways, im new here and recently engaged. My good friend is sort of in that "he is going to propose any day now" place-she and her BF decided a long time ago on their timeframe. They agreed on their engagement/wedding timeframe and he said he would propose around February/March. That was set in stone- to answer the questions he makes great money, they are in a good place, yadda yadda.
They are going on a trip in a few weeks and she has been thinking he would pop the question during the trip. Then yesterday out of the blue he tells her he wants to push back the proposal "a few months". He cited that rings are expensive and he wants to make sure he has his ducks in a row. Huh? I guess in the grand scheme not a HUGE deal but its not what they agreed upon.
My thought is he is attempting to throw her off since the trip would be the obvious time for him to propose. She is now going insane worrying if he is trying to throw her off or is really suddenly throwing the plan off schedule.
Guess my question is, (since she is not a knottie, yet)- Did any of your FI's or significant others try to make you think they were NOT proposing before they ultimately did? (And sorry this is super long!)
Anyways, im new here and recently engaged. My good friend is sort of in that "he is going to propose any day now" place-she and her BF decided a long time ago on their timeframe. They agreed on their engagement/wedding timeframe and he said he would propose around February/March. That was set in stone- to answer the questions he makes great money, they are in a good place, yadda yadda.
They are going on a trip in a few weeks and she has been thinking he would pop the question during the trip. Then yesterday out of the blue he tells her he wants to push back the proposal "a few months". He cited that rings are expensive and he wants to make sure he has his ducks in a row. Huh? I guess in the grand scheme not a HUGE deal but its not what they agreed upon.
My thought is he is attempting to throw her off since the trip would be the obvious time for him to propose. She is now going insane worrying if he is trying to throw her off or is really suddenly throwing the plan off schedule.
Guess my question is, (since she is not a knottie, yet)- Did any of your FI's or significant others try to make you think they were NOT proposing before they ultimately did? (And sorry this is super long!)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Did your S/O...?
My best advice for your friend is to chill out. Her relationship is just as good while she's not engaged yet as it will be when she's engaged. She's probably happy for your engagement which is making her want hers too - that's probably relatively normal. However, she's going to make herself sick over something as silly as what month her boyfriend proposes in. At least if he waits a few months, your weddings might be more than 3 weeks apart
And tell her she can come visit us anytime as long as she likes cheese and mashed potatoes (we may grant exceptions, but ya know)
I'm conflicted here: part of me wants to tell your friend to just settle down and enjoy her trip and not think about the proposal too much, but the other part of me is a little irritated at her BF and wants her to dig a little deeper to make sure he's not having second thoughts about the relationship or anything.
Hmmm... I'm obviously very helpful.
For what it's worth, my fiance didn't try to trick me into not expecting it.
Best to go with trying not to expect it so she's not disappointed if it doesn't happen on the trip. Sounds like it'll happen soon!
Ps- Everyone loves cheese and mashed potatoes. Its the American Way.
[QUOTE]Thanks! Ps- Everyone loves cheese and mashed potatoes. Its the American Way.
Posted by KS2011RS[/QUOTE]
This is going to elicit some angry "eh's". Or is it "aye"?
FI and I did not have an agreed upon time frame. I did however know that he had bought the ring as he was dropping pretty obvious hints like crazy. Since I was 99% sure that he had the ring I guessed that he would most likely propose on either our anniversary, my birthday or Christmas since they are all only a few weeks apart.
He proposed on our anniversary but the night that he proposed he was trying to throw me off and I'm not going to lie it worked. I thought that he wouldn't propose that night as it would be the most obvious choice and because of what he was telling me. In reality he just wanted it to be more of a surprise.
Tell your friend to just let things go as they will other wise she will just drive herself crazy.
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Does she really, honestly think he has changed his mind about marrying her? What other behavior does she have to back that theory up? if it seems like this is a possibility, or if she really just needs some reassurance, she should be able to talk to him about that.
If he still acts like he's planning on a future with her and treats her the way she wants to be treated, then she needs to just be patient and enjoy the anticipation.
ETA: And no, my H did not do anything to throw me off, other than saying when he asked for my ring size that he wanted to have it for when he needed it. He proposed like 4 days later.
To answer your question, I think FI knew that I had SERIOUS suspicions that he would be proposing the weekend he did. I was smiling ALL THE TIME. He didn't try to cover it up. He just smiled back.
As far as sanity goes, your friend should let it go and just enjoy the time they have together. She knows a proposal is coming soon, so that's more than enough to keep you excited. However, if she gets herself thinking "oh...he's just throwing me off" and then he was actually telling the truth about waiting, she is just setting herself up to be disappointed.
Edit: FI hadn't planned on proposing in Hawaii when we booked the trip either. In fact, he didn't decide to do so until about 3 weeks before we left. That's when my friends/family/boss kept trying to convince me that he was going to propose and FI didn't want to ruin the surprise, so that's why he kept telling me he wouldn't. But I do agree that if they agreed on a specific time period, saying he's pushing it back just to 'throw her off' is a little irritating.
As for me my FI told me he would propose before the end of 2010, he bought the ring in Sept. totally threw me off because he proposed after we went surfing on a Saturday in October like any other Saturday. So I was totally not expecting it.
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[QUOTE]I think she just needs to relax. <strong> If another 6 months go by and nothing happens, she can have another timeline discussion with him</strong>, but having a tantrum complete with a footstomp will hardly get her anywhere. To answer your question, I think FI knew that I had SERIOUS suspicions that he would be proposing the weekend he did. I was smiling ALL THE TIME. He didn't try to cover it up. He just smiled back.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]
This. There are many reasons to push it back, including making the ring perfect or he has other plans to propose (like warmer weather). Or he's trying to throw her off.
I say tell her to relax, know it's coming unless he says he's just not ready then they need to talk about why since he was ready whenever they made the timeline.
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