Wedding Reception Etiquette following destination wedding

kkoran9 · April 2011

We are getting married on St. Thomas during a 7 day cruise. We sent letters out to our potential guests letting them know we would love to have them join us on the week long cruise but would completely understand if they couldn't or didn't want to. We have 46 people going!!
My dilemma is how to word the invitation to the shower and reception back at home following the cruise. I don't want my guests from the cruise to feel that they need to bring a gift to these events. I realize not only are they going to our wedding but they are getting a week long vacation and it was their choice to come but I don't want them to feel as though they must bring a gift. There attendance was generous enough. How do I word the invitation to these individuals? Do I include a seperate hand written note, let them do as they choose, something else?? Please advise.

ekutlus · April 2011

A friend of mine had a destination wedding and a shower and the wording they used was "we appreciate your presence and not presents" or something along those lines. Good luck!

hlq2011 · April 2011

Ditto cfas.

AHR guest list should be the same as the actual wedding guest list.

No mention of gifts anywhere on invitations, and if you don't want gifts, you don't have a shower. You can have a luncheon instead, or something like that, but not a shower.

CamilleJon · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-reception-etiquette-following-destination-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ed092a24-43ee-4b92-b4c7-cf90bfb60fc2Post:09754041-a787-4cb4-8a07-0f3ea24b314e">Re: Wedding Reception Etiquette following destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto cfas. AHR guest list should be the same as the actual wedding guest list. No mention of gifts anywhere on invitations, and if you don't want gifts, you don't have a shower. You can have a luncheon instead, or something like that, but not a shower.
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

I think she wants gifts from the people that didn't make it to DW, but not from the people who did go.

I can understand her point, but I don't think there is any way to do this without being rude.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

I need some clarification.

Are you having a shower AFTER your wedding? That's what the post makes it sound like.

And you're hosting some kind of reception for the people coming on the cruise, right? So why would they need to come to another reception and give a gift at a later date? In fact, why must you have an AHR at all if you have 46 people going on this cruise?

Kristin789 · April 2011

1. You CAN have a shower before the cruise, but only the people who are coming on the cruise can be invited. I think you should skip the shower, or just have your mom and sisters and BMs go to lunch somewhere and call it a shower.

2. Really, no one I know goes to these AHRs anymore. They are just tired of brides planning these big blowout DWs on a cruise or in Vegas or in Paris or in Hawaii - which most are deliberately planned to cut down on the number of people who can go to the wedding. But then the whole "would-have-been-invited-if-we'd-had-the-wedding-locally" guest list is invited to a gift collection party afterward, called an At Home Reception. That's just rude. These people didn't have the opportunity to actually SEE the wedding, but they're being dinged for a great gift. Rude.

3. I have no idea where the pp got this idea: Just don't register and your guests will realize that you don't want gifts. Brides can CHOOSE to register, which means that the guests will go get some impersonal thing that the bride has scanned into a price gun. Or brides can CHOOSE not to register, which means that the couple want to get gifts that reflect the GIVER. See below:

Wedding gifts are supposed to be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting, mirroring the giver's fervent hope that the couple's marriage be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting.

By inviting these people to your wedding, you've asked your friends and family to be witnesses to your wedding ceremony, and as witnesses, those people are mentors for your marriage. Their gifts represent their acceptance of your request for their mentorship, and their gifts represent their presence in your lives and hearts forever.

When you see/use these gifts, you are reminded that you have a circle of people around you as a couple, people who you can call on, people who have pledged their support of you two as a couple.

pearlaqua · April 2011

OP: Why is the shower *after* the cruise??

SparrowSong · April 2011

If I was having a destination wedding I think I would decline a shower and strongly spread the word of no-gifts word of mouth. If people were spending $3000+ just to attend the wedding I definitely wouldn't expect a gift on top of it. And if they weren't attending the wedding, I wouldn't expect a gift either. Some people will probably still give gifts, but I sure wouldn't be doing anything to encourage it. I think that's just one of the negatives of destination weddings, sorry.

Wedding Reception Etiquette following destination wedding

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