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inviting friends outside your guest list to bridal shower

tarenpwagnertarenpwagner
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Is it OK to invite friends to your bridal shower that are not going to be invited to the wedding? We are having a small wedding, so we cannot invite everyone. But I am worried that if they are invited to the Bridal shower they will assume they are invited to the wedding.
Suggestions? Maybe I could put a sweet note on the invite to the people who are not invited to the wedding?

Thanks!!
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Re: inviting friends outside your guest list to bridal shower

  • Jessa617 Jessa617 member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    If they are not invited to the wedding, don't invite them to any pre-wedding events.
    Anniversary
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2013
    No. It is not polite to ask someone to come give you a gift and then not be invited to the thing they gave you the gift for. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Provide a list to you host of only people invited to the wedding. It's impolite to invite people to come to a party celebrating you and giving a gift when they're not invited to the wedding.
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  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-friends-outside-your-guest-list-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe893aab-8bdd-4450-94fb-a6f36aa95376Post:ee29a9e1-30f6-409a-a3c9-d2ddc23bbb0c">inviting friends outside your guest list to bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is it OK to invite friends to your bridal shower that are not going to be invited to the wedding? We are having a small wedding, so we cannot invite everyone. But I am worried that if they are invited to the Bridal shower they will assume they are invited to the wedding. Suggestions? Maybe I could put a sweet note on the invite to the people who are not invited to the wedding? Thanks!!
    Posted by tarenpwagner[/QUOTE]

    No. Showers are for wedding guests only.  I would be majorly upset if I was only considered good enough a friend to give you a present but not important enough to go to your wedding.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-friends-outside-your-guest-list-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe893aab-8bdd-4450-94fb-a6f36aa95376Post:ee29a9e1-30f6-409a-a3c9-d2ddc23bbb0c">inviting friends outside your guest list to bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is it OK to invite friends to your bridal shower that are not going to be invited to the wedding? We are having a small wedding, so we cannot invite everyone. But I am worried that if they are invited to the Bridal shower they will assume they are invited to the wedding. Suggestions? Maybe I could put a sweet note on the invite to the people who are not invited to the wedding? Thanks!!
    Posted by tarenpwagner[/QUOTE]

    <div>Nope.</div>
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  • beardownbchsbeardownbchs member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    No. What would your "sweet note" say?

    "I want to make sure you buy me a gift, but I don't want to spend the money to invite you to my wedding. I'm sure you understand. I'm registered here, here, here and here. Oh, and please feel free to give me cash as well. Thanks! Toodles!"
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  • PookiesonPookieson member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    What everyone else said.  No way around it.  Don't do it.

    image

    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

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  • SummerGrl15SummerGrl15
    100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Definety not. 
     Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-friends-outside-your-guest-list-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe893aab-8bdd-4450-94fb-a6f36aa95376Post:ca506595-d5c3-46f2-af12-d85916c31cff">Re: inviting friends outside your guest list to bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]No. What would your "sweet note" say? "I want to make sure you buy me a gift, but I don't want to spend the money to invite you to my wedding. I'm sure you understand. I'm registered here, here, here and here. Oh, and please feel free to give me cash as well. Thanks! Toodles!"
    Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

    <div>I was wondering this, too. Also, I am wondering why so many people think writing a "sweet" or "cute" note will make some of these things go down easier. There are constantly posters thinking including such a note will soften the blow. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • beardownbchsbeardownbchs member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-friends-outside-your-guest-list-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe893aab-8bdd-4450-94fb-a6f36aa95376Post:b140c899-5770-4f95-9702-4772c40875b9">Re: inviting friends outside your guest list to bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: inviting friends outside your guest list to bridal shower : I was wondering this, too. Also, I am wondering why so many people think writing a "sweet" or "cute" note will make some of these things go down easier. There are constantly posters thinking including such a note will soften the blow. 
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    I know!! Maybe if it rhythms it'll be okay.

    "Please buy me something nice for my wedding
    Which you will not be attending.
    The wedding is only for friends and family
    And you are not that important to me.
    But I'd like to see you at the shower with a present for me
    And please make sure you buy off the registry."

    That goes down muuuuuuch easier.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-friends-outside-your-guest-list-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe893aab-8bdd-4450-94fb-a6f36aa95376Post:ee29a9e1-30f6-409a-a3c9-d2ddc23bbb0c">inviting friends outside your guest list to bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is it OK to invite friends to your bridal shower that are not going to be invited to the wedding? We are having a small wedding, so we cannot invite everyone. But I am worried that if they are invited to the Bridal shower they will assume they are invited to the wedding. Suggestions? Maybe I could put a sweet note on the invite to the people who are not invited to the wedding? Thanks!!
    Posted by tarenpwagner[/QUOTE]


    No, it's not okay.



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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    No.  There is nothing "cute" or "sweet" you can say that would make inviting non-wedding guests to a shower okay.

    In fact, trying to be "cute" or "sweet" about it compounds the offense because it makes light of a serious faux pas.
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Ditto all this! I had a former roomate who was getting married out of state and she and I were part of this church college/career group. She wasn't very close with a lot of us, and even the friendship between me and her had a rift. FYI this girl did many etiquette blunders when it came to her wedding planning.

    The leader of the church bible study group and her family were invited to the wedding, but very few of us in the group were. So the leader decided out of a nice gesture, she would host a bridal shower for my former roomate and  invited all of us! I don't think she realized that out of all of us, only like a few other girls were actually invited to the wedding. IT was the most akward shower of all time! NONE of us wanted to be there except the girls who were actually invited. It was like, "Oh sorry you won't be able to come to my wedding, but thanks for all the free stuff, oh and I get to talk about my wedding all the time".

    Please do not be like this girl and do this!
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